


Dökkiþróttir

by kiyarasabel



Series: Life Goes On [1]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Addiction, Alternate Universe - Dark, Exploitation, Healing, Healthy Relationships, Human Trafficking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Organized Crime, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, ecoterrorism, it's still mostly fluff, most of the abuse and rape are implicit, probably about as bad as it gets until combat begins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-09 10:07:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 54,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8886832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyarasabel/pseuds/kiyarasabel
Summary: It's time for Sportacus to leave Lazy Town. So Robbie decides to do something stupid. Something that ultimately puts all of Humanity at risk.A twisted evil version of Sportacus attempts to systematically destroy the entirety of human civilization, while our lovable slightly above average hero and his bumbling villain struggle to become the hero the world needs while an imposter promises to be the one it deserves.Edit: This work is a Standalone if you don't want to get into the weird shit later!





	1. Farewell to Lazy Town

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fairly light weight chapter, just setting up the heroes before shit hits the fan. This is going to be a long ride and I encourage you all to pester me to finish it.

Sportacus knew it was time to leave. It had been time to leave for years. He'd had to take more frequent trips away, but he couldn't leave Lazy Town.

The kids had grown, themselves preparing to leave and start their own lives, some to the city or school, a few easing into roles around town. It was true that they still slipped and had problems, but that was the nature of humans, unpredictability. Even the most orderly of them regularly deviated from any kind of set routine or schedule. It was one of many things he loved about them.

He was going to miss this town, desperately and he knew he would have to come back periodically, but he needed to be gone for long enough for this generation to forget him. Already they were starting to comment on his continuing youthfulness. He could only explain so much with a healthy lifestyle, he would be under considerable suspicion in less than a decade.

In his youth the other elves accused him of being a human hybrid. It was part of why he'd left home to join them. It was likely he probably was a throwback, being that elves and humans were such close genetic relatives, and there had always been interbreeding between the two.

Sportacus had been sweating for some time, he was beginning to near tiring, but he still couldn't work out the sense of restlessness. He stopped to drink some water and wipe away some sweat. He sunk his head. He was still enough of an elf that leaving a task unfinished left him feeling incomplete. If he were being honest he knew it also had to do with what would be considered highly improper attachment.

He had learned how to integrate the magic of the airship with human technology to stay up to date with the latest health research, and found psychology a unique challenge. He knew that by human standards, especially by elf standards, he could be considered to have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, possibly even some place upon the Autism Spectrum.

And he knew that Robbie Rotten was suffering some severe form of mental illness, but didn't quite know enough about his history to begin to guess at a proper diagnosis. He had strong suspicions that childhood PTSD was involved somehow, if not an outright personality disorder.

Treating such issues was difficult even for the most skilled of professionals. Sportacus knew that despite his studies and experience he was not that. Even the most fundamental aspects of treatment required total consent and cooperation of the patient. So he'd tried everything he could think of to encourage Robbie to open up to him.

“Bed.” He sighed, dropping back. He'd stopped pretending his interest was solely professional some time ago. Despite his commitment to helping everyone he knew that some would simply refuse. It was their decision and he'd had to accept it before.

He groaned and pressed a palm to his forehead. He really wished he could move on, and stop obsessing about the other man. He'd suffered unrequited crushes before, had dealt with the struggle of infatuation, knew what love meant, had seen enough to know.

Robbie was his most unhealthy habit. The old adage of 'if you love them let them go’ hung over his head like a guillotine. He scoffed at himself over the melodrama of such thoughts. Maybe it was just Robbie's theatrics rubbing off on him, or the tumultuous years of helping the kids through adolescence. He really didn't like entertaining thoughts of it being something more, even though he knew that when it came to Robbie he was full of blind spots. Thoughts he had for so long avoided and repressed that his brain rerouted around them automatically now.

He let out a forced breath. At the next town he went to he was definitely going to require the services of a professional therapist himself. He wondered how long it would take for him to get over Robbie. He knew that it would never go away, but someday perhaps it would stop being a daily burden.

He would never have explained it that way to Robbie of course, he knew the other man already had an entire complex about his own value or lack thereof. But Robbie's problems weren't his burden to bear, even though he wanted to, more than anything he wanted to, but he couldn't take what had not been given.

Perhaps if he'd been a better student before travelling to the human world he would have a magical solution. Then again, he never considered the magical solution a true resolution, not as effective as hard work and application. Not to mention the gross violation practicing such techniques on the unwilling was.

He thought back over his relationship with Robbie, from his initial irritation about the silly handsome man impeding his mission and his entirely too distracting features. Sportacus groaned again knowing where this train of thought led, heat in his belly that flowed lower even if he tried to avoid the thoughts.

Although it was true he'd never had a partner, he didn't consider himself a clueless virgin. He was a male with a high sex drive, he was interested in other people sexually, and he'd done a great deal of study in the diversity of sexualities, including the lack thereof. He sighed and let his hand drop, he didn't undress often, but for this task he would strip everything away just so it was easier to clean when he was done.

He flopped back onto the bed, smiling warmly at the thought of Robbie's nicknames for him, took his time thinking about the other man, his clever eyes, his expressive mannerisms, always so animated it rivaled his own. He liked taller people, made him feel safe, cared for, he imagined what those long arms would feel like around him, stronger than they looked.

He imagined what it would be like to run his hands on those tense shoulders, to help the muscles relax, to let the bones below open up, return to their natural alignment. Help encourage Robbie's spine to heal. Running his hands down the other man's sides, enjoying the soft warmth of his love handles, his wide hips and ample ass. His hand tightened of it's own accord and his hips jerked. He bit his lip, a purr rising in his throat.

He imagined rolling Robbie onto his back and nuzzling into his soft belly, his thick thighs. He wondered what Robbie's cock looked like, if he'd been cut or was natural. The man's pants were tight enough to give him a clue, and Sportacus knew he had his own conceits regarding his choice in legwear. But there was only one way to know the size, the heat, the firmness, the smell. Sportacus was moaning now, gasping Robbie's name. He was working his shaft and trying to pretend it wasn't his own.

He imagined what he would do to ride that dick, his free hand moved to explore himself, fingers steady. He thought of Robbie's hands with his thick knuckles and long fingers, callused pads but neatly trimmed nails. Sportacus rolled over burying his face in his pillow and thrusting desperately into his hand.

He tried to imagine those grey eyes hot with lust as his muffled choking began to lose rhythm. He tried to imagine what it would look like to see his feelings reflected. “Oh Robbie, Robbie I love you.” He cried into the pillow, heaving sobs accompanying his climax. As his body trembled he could only weep, alone in his vulnerability, only his own stench meeting his nose, only his hoarse broken noises echoing in the soft light of the airship. It was suddenly very cold, very empty, like the feeling in the pit of his belly.

~

Robbie didn't know exactly why he was outside. It was just too cold, too lonely, too quiet and he was so tired but sleep wouldn't come. Everything was rattling his nerves and he could barely see through his dry burning eyes. He had a thick blanket over his shoulders and he was realizing that it had been a bad idea to wear his pajamas out after stumbling through a dirty puddle, slippers like cold sponges on his feet. He couldn't quite think clearly enough to turn around, just lugging himself forward one step after another. Maybe he would pass out soon, just faceplant in the middle of the street. 

“Maybe someone will run me over and I'll never have to wake up again.”

“Robbie?!”

The villain paused. He knew that voice. Was it a good voice, where was the voice? He staggered to a stop and looked around. “Isn't it past your bedtime Sporta-...Sport?”

“Even I have trouble sleeping sometimes, Robbie.”

Something didn't seem right. Wasn't he upset about something? Was the elf upset about something? Were his eyes red too? “You're leaving.” Robbie remembered.

Sportacus looked away, saying nothing for a long moment. Robbie turned to start shuffling away. “I don't want to go...”

He stopped, not sure he'd heard the quiet admission, the break in the unflappable hero’s voice. “Are you okay?” He asked, shocked by the confession. “Are you crying?!”

“There's nothing wrong with crying.” Sportacus choked. “I cried when I said goodbye to the kids too.”

“Well I guess I should be jumping for joy then.”

“You're not though. I think we both know that you aren't going to. I'm going to miss you Robbie, I'm going to miss you most of all.” The hero wiped his face with the back of his arm. “Can I hug you?”

“Fine, but don't get used to it.” He snapped, wrapping his blanket around the smaller man. Sportacus buried his face in Robbie's shoulder and the villain patted his back awkwardly.

“I wish I could.” He whimpered. “But I had to tell you, I have to... To say goodbye.”

“Why bother?” Robbie growled.

Sportacus swore low in his throat, something unintelligible except for the clear sound of pain and frustration. He pushed Robbie back and forced the taller man to meet his gaze. 

“I love you Robbie. I know that you can't return my feelings, I know that you don't want to, I wish you could trust me, to trust anyone, that I could do something to make you happy. I know that you probably don't believe that I can love you but it's tearing me apart and I have been tearing my hair out for years trying to find some way to get through to you. I think something terrible must have happened to you, and I know that I can't do anything about it. I won't pretend that I can understand, I just want you to know that I'm willing to listen. I love you Robbie Rotten, even if you don't want anything to do with a stupid silly sports elf!”

Robbie was swamped by a maelstrom of feelings. All he managed was a weak. “Oh, is that all?”

He'd never seen so much emotion on the elf’s face before, nothing like it, maybe a sarcastic roll of the eyes on occasion but usually a smile that made his eyes look like a sunny sky. Sportacus was barely recognizable to him like this, eyes red and puffy, tears trailing down his face, even his little moustache seemed to droop over his quivering mouth.

Having reached the end of his limits, Robbie collapsed.


	2. Dark Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody cries a lot, Robbie makes poor life choice decisions and Sportacus gets his ass kicked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy your tears, because the ride has only just begun.

As far as his expectations went, this was fairly tame in terms of what could have happened. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst. He'd been worried at first to hear Robbie's blunt suicidal ideation, but he knew such thoughts were often a coping mechanism as much as a red flag. Robbie's poor health had been driving him to distraction for years so a sudden collapse, unaccompanied by any serious cardiac event and with normal respiratory function didn't frighten him too terribly. He'd caught him by the shoulders and was now carefully wrapping him in his blanket, lifting him easily into his arms.

“Oh Robbie.” He sighed, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Why must you hurt me in this way?” He carried him back to the bunker, as it was closer and would be significantly easier to enter with such a burden. He considered leaving Robbie alone, but he was tired and had landed in a sitting position in the chair besides. He pulled Robbie a little closer, taking some measure of selfish comfort as he leaned back, appreciating that the chair was so plush and oversized.

~

Robbie liked the warm dream, the feeling of strong arms supporting him. He was reluctant to open his eyes and leave but the pain in his stomach demanded relief. His blanket was well tangled around his body, up to his neck and behind his head. He sighed, he was going to have to roll off the chair and hit the floor this morning. He took a deep breath to ready his nerves, but when he tried to move the blanket tightened around him.

“It's okay Robbie.” A hand moved to stroke his hair.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He shrieked, trying to sit up. He was shocked, mortified that the hero had tied him up and he started to flail.

“I'm sorry, Robbie it's okay, let me put you down.” Sportacus was placating, releasing first his legs and then supporting his back as he sat up. Once he was to his feet he shook off the blanket, which pulled his robe halfway down with it. Robbie yelped again and pulled it up over his shoulders and wrapped it tightly around him. It was entirely too cold now and it kept him far more awake than he would have liked.

Sportacus was blushing and looking away and Robbie stomped to his kitchen, digging around before settling for a jug of chocolate milk. He tilted his head back and drank straight from the carton, not caring that some of it spilled over him, or even that it tasted somewhat spoiled. He turned to where Sportacus stood several feet away, fidgeting nervously with a sheepish expression.

“Are you feeling better?” His eyes were furtive.

Robbie waited a moment to respond as his stomach gurgled and churned. He sighed in relief and slumped to his normal posture, as the rush of sugar began to work through him.

Sportacus had crept cautiously closer.

“I'm fine.” Robbie snapped, turning away, crossing his arms and holding himself tightly. They both knew that he was absolutely not fine.

“D-do...You need anything?”

“I need for you to go away, get lost, like you're going to anyway.” Robbie couldn't help the hurt in his voice.

“I would stay for you.” Sportacus stated firmly.

Robbie's shoulders were shaking. “Get out.”

Sportacus took a breath and half a step, before sighing. “Goodbye Robbie. I really do love you and you really are my best friend.”

“You said all that already.”

And like that, Sportacus was gone.

Robbie waited a long time before moving, and then he sank to his knees and folded into himself. It was done, it was over. He would finally be alone, left in peace, no one would ever bother him again. He wasn't sure if he was thinking or speaking aloud. It was then that he finally started to cry.

~

Leaving Robbie behind was the hardest thing he'd ever done. His heart dropped with every step he took, until when he made it to the airship ladder he didn't even bother to climb, just calling it up to retract. He settled into the seat and blindly started pedaling, letting the wind take him where it would.

He had no idea how long he remained in that fugue state it could have been minutes or hours, even days.

He felt it in his gut before the crystal started to blare, flashing like it never had before, filling him with fear and dread. “Robbie's in trouble!” He turned the ship hard, pedaling faster than he ever had before, Adrenaline spreading everything into a blur.

~

Robbie didn't wish he was good enough for Sportacus, he knew that was impossible. But he did wish that maybe he wasn't quite so Rotten, maybe just a little less broken. Maybe if Sportacus was just a little more selfish. Maybe maybe maybe. What could he do about it, what could possibly be done to balance the odds.

Balance. Balance, balance, balance. That was the key, he could do it, somehow, make something that could help balance what he was, with what Sportacus was. He didn't know how it was going to work or what would happen but he knew he had to do it, knew that it was key to make this thing in his head. He stuffed a candy bar in his mouth and chased it with a cola.

He hammered away at his machine grabbed anything that seemed right and tossed it in. It was only after watching his blankie disappear into the machine while pulling the lever that any kind of awareness flared around him.

“Oh no.” Something was wrong. The pit of his stomach dropped. He tripped over his feet backing away. He covered his ears as a terrible sound rattled through his skull, pain clenching through his teeth like they were cracking, he felt ill, and nearly retched. He writhed on the ground as an impossible miasma engulfed the machine, colors that didn't exist exploded in his head even after he closed his eyes and then the blossoming cloud of wrong folded back in on itself with a pop that made him black out for a moment.

He was cowering as he opened his eyes, fearful of what he had wrought, the machine had vanished. Two figures stood before him and he began to shake. The first was on his knees, head dropped, his black hair was short cropped and he wore only a form fitting black cat suit. Robbie was terrified, knowing what he would see if that man raised his head. His eyes traveled to the leash that fell from his neck, to hideous baggy chartreuse canvas pants tucked into red boots. A red armored chest plate covered a densely muscled torso, and Robbie felt like he’d been eviscerated as he took in the emblem of the number ten.

“Look my pet, this version is even lower trash than you.” He had fuller facial hair, his voice raspier, there were different scars, so many scars, from every inch of visible flesh. Eyes like a glacier bore into him with flat disdain. He had been so astonished by an excess of emotion before, but this was a face with none. And it was the face of Sportacus, made like him.

He jerked the leash sharply. “What do you think, should we play with him awhile?”

The 'pet’ raised his head, grey eyes like stone. “Yes, Master.” The beast snarled.

Every one of Robbie's nightmares were about to come true.

~

“Robbie what's wrong?!” Sportacus shouted as his feet hit the ground. His senses were sharp and the scent of blood filled his face. “Robbie are you hurt?!”

“Oh is that what he calls himself here?” Something was very wrong, the lair hazy.

“Who are you?!” Sportacus demanded of the man approaching him through the fetid gloom.

“I really have been looking forward to meeting you. I was starting to worry that you wouldn't show up.”

Sportacus was terrified, but held his ground despite his pulse racing with the strobing of the crystal. “Where's Robbie?!”

“Alive, and mostly unharmed, although I was starting to worry that trash had no value.”

“If you hurt him!”

“Oh, don't worry, I didn't lay a finger on him.” The aggressive man grinned. “And I really am curious what you're going to threaten me with. I can tell just by looking that you can't hope to match me.”

Sportacus had heard enough and dashed for where he thought Robbie was. His face connected with the ground, it felt like his ankle was trapped in a vice.

“Are you serious, is this for real? How rude, you haven't even introduced yourself.”

“I am Sportacus and I asked you first.” He managed with more bluster than he felt, he barely twisted to avoid a sharp backhanded slap to the face.

“Cute. The humans called me Íþróttaálfurinn.” He dropped Sportacus. “And you aren't worth my time.” He turned to call. “Pet, playtime is over, we have work to do.”

As Sportacus rolled to his feet he saw the achingly familiar shape of a man rise like a puppet pulled by strings. The head snapped up and while the resemblance was shocking, the likeness was not quite as sharp as his own doppelganger, who was now heading towards the exit. The pet charged for him, hands flexed like claws.

Sportacus leapt over his head and twisted, glad that he was now between the threat and his friend. The dark haired man slunk back towards him, crouching low and ready to pounce.

“I don't want to fight you, but I will defend myself and my friend.” He warned, taking careful steps backwards towards the scent of Robbie's blood. He noticed now that a significant portion of the lair was missing. He was worried, he hoped that Robbie would be capable, much less willing to tell him what had happened.

The pet charged again, watching and waiting for him to move. Sweating, Sportacus sidestepped and grabbed the clawed hand at the wrist, using his own strength and the pet's momentum to throw him back to fly at his master. He heard the body hit the floor as he reached the shivering lump that was Robbie Rotten, hiding himself in what was left of his robe.

“It's going to be okay, Robbie.” He murmured. “I’m here and I'm not going to let them hurt you anymore.” There was absolutely no response and he knew that it was unlikely that he would be able to get one for some time.

The pet was coming back, but Sportacus had a plan. The leash still dangled from the man's neck, and he'd spotted a secure pipe. He leapt with confidence, tucking into a slide as he grasped the leash and whipped it around the pipe. He wasn't happy to have the other man at his mercy, jerking and kicking, tearing at the collar.

Íþróttaálfurinn did not look pleased. Sportacus could only smile coldly, biting back the nausea he felt from harming another being. There would be time for remorse later.

“You're a pain in the ass, I'm going to enjoy beating you.” The red clad warrior sneered. Sportacus tied off the end of the leash, enough tension to keep the man on his toes, but not actually choke him out, and out of his reach. He moved away from Robbie, towards the center of the room where the other fighter barreled towards him.

He was watching his opponent closely, ready to dodge or throw, but instead what felt like a sledgehammer hit his gut and his back slammed into the cement floor, his skull connecting with a crack, stunning him.

“You're out of your league, elfling.” There was a knee digging into Sportacus’ aching gut, and then a fist connected with his face. Before he could recover the pummeling continued. He tried to move, his thoughts slowed, hardly able to react. He heaved a breath when the weight left his torso and he curled over on his side wheezing. Before he could release the air a blow knocked it out of him. Sportacus covered his head as kicks bombarded him, a few stomps added for good measure.

A deep satisfied breath above him. “Ah, that was a good aerobic workout.” He heard the phlegm spit at him but his body was complaining about too many points to feel it land. “Well Glanni, we've wasted enough time in this shit heap.” Footsteps trod to where the man was tied. “Disgusting, did you really get excited about that?!” A slap rang out through the subterranean lair. “I ought to have you neutered.”

Boots hit the ground, followed by gasping, then both sets of footsteps strolling to the exit. Sportacus could barely see, no doubt his face swelling his eyes shut. He dragged himself to Robbie's side, grunting and groaning with each jerk of his crawl, pain flaring with each twitch. He curled around the sense of warmth, gratefully, purring hard in an attempt to soothe the pain. “It's going to be okay Robbie, we're safe now. I'm never going to leave you again.” He cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time is just fluff and comfort ;p


	3. Reprieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sensual healing as Sportacus is a little shit and starts to take what he needs.

Pain. Everywhere, all over, there was only pain. Was there ever a time without pain? Life was pain. Life was light, life was warm. Sportacus couldn't move at first, his eyes didn't want to open and his abused muscles strained.

“Robbie?”

“He's awake!” Shouted a voice. He couldn't quite place it, or where he was.

Blue? Silver and blue. Flickering, mechanical whirring.

“This is Pixel’s house.” He observed, rolling onto his back. “Robbie?” He called again, less confused but more needy.

“Go in there he's asking for you.”

“Stop touching me!” Robbie shrieked.

“Well fine, but I figure if you dragged him here you should at least accept his thanks.”

“No, no, no one should thank me, it's all my fault I only ruin everything.”

“Robbie!” Sportacus called sternly.

“See he wants you, go to him, we all need to work together if we're going to figure out how to fix things, and I need to go let everyone know that he's awake.”

“No, I don't, I can't-”

“Robbie.” Sportacus gave up being subtle and whined like a puppy. “I am hurt and I need you...”

Robbie shuffled over reluctantly and refused to meet his gaze. “I'm sorry, this is all my fault, I ruined everything.”

“Shh, give me your hand.” Robbie tentatively reached out and Sportacus pulled it to his face to nuzzle. “Pet me?” He asked, looking up at him through his hair.

He realized that he had been stripped to his boxers, bandages wrapped tightly around him in many places, but thankfully nothing felt broken. The blanket was light, the bed was soft and he wanted to go back to sleep. Especially as Robbie cautiously started to stroke his hair. He leaned into the hand and started to purr. With a sideways glance he saw Robbie blush, his face halfway between a sob and a smile.

“I'm sorry.” He gasped again, eyes flickering to his for only a moment.

“Hush.” He scooted onto his side and away from the edge of the bed. “Come cuddle me, I'll feel better.”

Robbie looked uncertain.

“Please.” He begged shamelessly. “It hurts less when you cuddle and there's no one else here, you want to make me feel better right?” He could feel his pupils dilate to their fullest, his ears drooping.

Robbie grumbled but started to slide in next to the elf. Sportacus took the initiative, making sure to both secure his grip and maximize his comfort, taking the opportunity to appreciate as much as he could.

“You're a sucker Robbie Rotten, if I'd known all it would take to get you into bed with me was some pleading and pity I would have tried this sooner.” He chuckled into Robbie's neck.

Robbie stiffened but did not fight to struggle out of the elf’s grasp. He seemed incapable of forming coherent words, sputtering and gesticulating, but Sportacus merely continued to purr and nuzzle against his new favorite source of comfort. Eventually Robbie gave up and returned to petting. Relaxing, he fell asleep to the purrs, and Sportacus returned to a healing sleep.

 

~

 

He felt significantly better upon waking next, and slipped out of bed carefully, feeling a twinge of guilt at the sad noises Robbie made in his sleep grasping blindly. Sportacus kissed his cheek and pet his head until he settled down, purring gently. Then he stood and began to stretch. The most horrible series of cracks and smothered groans of pain escaped him. It was dark and Pixel was asleep on his couch. Sportacus would have felt bad, but had tapped out his emotional capacity. He continued to go through basic calisthenics, testing his range of motion and trying to ease out the knots in his muscles.

Now it was time to eat. He felt zero shame consuming the entirety of the produce in the boy's fridge, having been supplying the whole town for years. After seeing to his other basic needs, he snuggled back into the bed, this time wrapping himself around Robbie instead of curling into him for comfort.

 

~

 

The next time he woke was with Robbie stirring. The grey eyes opened and stared at him with a hard expression.

“Good morning, Robbie, how are you feeling today?”

“I can see you're feeling better.” He grumbled.

Sportacus laughed. “Thanks to your help.” He nuzzled his face and purred softly.

“Stop doing that!”

“Doing what?” He asked sweetly, widening his eyes.

Robbie scowled. “All of it, this whole cute fluffy routine.”

“Why would I want to do that? It's working.”

“I need to go pee!”

“Okay I suppose that's reason enough to let you make your escape.” He chuckled.

Robbie didn't struggle away quite as quickly or desperately as he pretended to want to, and Sportacus took great delight in watching the furtive glances at his body, bruised and bandaged though it was. “This isn't going to work any more once you've healed!”

Sportacus got out of bed, pleased at the healing process so far, and started to go through the motions. Pixel was on his computer and pointedly trying to allow the two older men some measure of privacy.

“Where are my clothes?”

“Oh, well, we washed them but there's still...” Pixel picked up the neatly folded pile of bloodstained clothing.

“That's okay, I was just going to take a run to check in with everyone and get a clean change of clothes from the airship.” He spoke cheerfully as he dressed himself. “Where's my crystal?”

“It's... Safe.” Pixel said carefully.

Sportacus’ eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”

“You should go for your run first... Only... Your airship isn't here anymore.”

“He took it.” Sportacus sighed.

“He took it.” Robbie confirmed.

“Robbie go lay down on your stomach.”

“Why?”

“I'm going to rub your back so I can work out my frustrations in a productive manner.”

“I don't like the way you worded that.”

“Down.” He ordered with a touch of a growl.

Robbie flopped onto the bed with a yelp.

“Robbie, you know that I am never going to willingly, knowingly hurt you right?”

“This is going to hurt though isn't it?”

“That's part of the healing process but not what I am asking about.” Sportacus sighed and began to remove Robbie's shirt. “I don't want you to blindly obey me because you're afraid of me forcing you to do things that you don't want to.”

Pixel surreptitiously let himself out.

Robbie sighed. “I like it when you tell me what to do.”

“I'm glad to know that you want to listen to me.” He started to focus on his friend’s shoulders. He was as gentle as possible but as the nerves loosened from their tension made Robbie twitch and squirm. When Sportacus moved from the back of his neck to the thoracic vertebrae, the loud cracking began. From there was a constant process of wincing and sighs of relief. If Sportacus spent some of his own healing energy to assist the process, well he was getting greater satisfaction through this use of it. Working the knots, focusing on spine and muscle let his subconscious mind sort the immense amount of information the last ... Day? Had delivered to him.

Robbie had fallen asleep by the time Sportacus was massaging the glutes. He couldn't imagine that the tall man’s ego could have managed it, but the area supported a great many of the back’s most important anchor muscles. Sportacus wondered just how far and for how long he would be able to push it. He worked his way down each leg before smiling as he adjusted each toe.

Satisfied he had done what he could, he took off to jog around the town loop, leaving information on who would be coordinating what for the meeting that evening. He was able to find himself new clothes, and took a shower before rejoining Robbie for a nap until the town hall meeting.

 

~

 

He was not pleased as he approached the Town Hall, he could feel his crystal screaming at him, rising the hair at the back of his neck before he'd arrived within a block of the building. Stephanie had been keeping it for him and he could see the toll it had taken on her.

 

Robbie was dragging his feet but uncommonly quiet, after all, he was directly responsible. He wasn't ready to deal with anything that had happened, but he was glad that he could rely on Sportacus.

He'd been terrified out of his mind with fear, blocking everything out until the elf's purring had brought him back to awareness. A new terror had consumed him then, knowing that dying cats were known to purr as they died, and the elf looked beaten to a pulp. There wasn't much physically wrong with Robbie after the attack, and so it was the only right course of action to drag the hero above ground to find townspeople who could help treat his injuries.

They'd ended up at Pixel's because as a single young man he would be least encroached upon by the older two men. He'd also used Sportacus as an excuse to send Pixel on errands back to the lair. Robbie didn't know that he could ever go back. He was holding hands with the hero allowing himself to be led through the crowd. He didn't feel like he was really there, he didn't feel like he was any where.

The only times he had felt anything since the attack was when Sportacus had turned his focus upon him.

 

Sportacus was annoyed as he reached the podium, everyone was panicky and muttering. Rumors, accusations and idle speculation weren't helping matters. A part of him wanted to scream to shut them up, but kept his composure. If Robbie could stand to be up here with him, he could stand to be up here with Robbie.

A hush descended over the crowd as Stephanie brought him his crystal. He sat down and leaned against Robbie. What happened next was going to be the worst pain yet. He quieted his mind and let it all in.

Reality blurred as pain and screams and terror flooded through him. His only solace was a lack of familiar people in his perception. Not only did he suffer for all that was wrong now but for all that he had missed. Every case where he should have been but was not, including lives ended.

Eventually the crystal had delivered its information, and Sportacus had to do the next hardest thing, to quiet the crystal so that it would only respond to immediate emergencies. There was some blissful ignorance to be found in blocking out the additional empathy, but he knew that it would haunt him anyway.

With one crisis addressed, it was time to face the rest. Every worried set of eyes were upon him and he had never felt weaker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to face the music.
> 
> The terrible, terrible, awful music.
> 
> Hope you're enjoying picking up what I am laying down and your cries of pain give me life.


	4. Call to Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter because I realized that I was having trouble finding the character voice. So I wrote porn on my original fiction, and then was able to come back with a fresh mind and review the source material. I will probably go back and edit and tweak previous chapters at some point, but I'm still amazed at this pace of about two chapters a day. Don't get used to this friends. Unless I somehow have managed to tap into whatever arcane energy force it is that powers Magnús Scheving.
> 
> TL;DR If in doubt you should always review your source material.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I could use a beta reader.

“As you know, there was an accident, me and Robbie, we're hurt. What you probably don't know is how.” He paused to think of how to explain it. “There was an explosion!” He gestured and made sound effects. Even Robbie found this retelling less threatening than the reality of the event, some how making him feel safer despite the horrors he had seen.

“What happened then was that two bad men came out, and one of them looked like me, and one like Robbie. Except that they were very mean. Evil men who wanted to hurt us. Now we have to find out where they went and if we can send them back to where they came from.” He paused to make sure that his audience remained attentive.

“Now we are going to need all the help we can get, so who wants to help me?” The crowd cheered, and Sportacus let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He was drained, totally exhausted and tiring fast. If he had to keep going he would probably end up passing out like Robbie had before this crisis began. He sank down into the chair next to Robbie and reached for his hand. Robbie didn't respond, his face flat. Sportacus gave a squeeze and Robbie blinked.

The mayor quieted the crowd to open the floor for questions.

“You say it's an accident, but if Robbie was behind it he probably did it on purpose.” Trixie insisted. Sportacus realized then why Robbie had blanked his awareness.

“Yeah, they didn't hurt him like they did to you!” Someone else shouted.

“He's always trying to trick us!”

Sportacus closed his eyes and started counting, breathing through his nose before he could trust himself to get to his feet.

“It is true that they did not hurt him the same way that they hurt me, but I can tell you that what they did to him was worse.” Sportacus looked ashamed for a moment. “I was hurt because I tried to stop them.”

Stephanie jumped in to change the subject. “There is one thing that we know, the other you, we know about him, he's been on TV.”

“What?” Sportacus’ expression twisted with confusion.

Someone switched on a television.

His twin appeared grinning, wearing his clothes. Sportacus felt much smaller, wearing baggy sweats.

“Are you feeling tired? Are you unhappy with the way you look? I'm Sportacus, and I get my energy from Sportscandy™, just mix it with water, or whatever your drink of choice,” The real Sportacus gasped as they stirred the powder into a cola. “And you'll have the energy to do this!” The man in the commercial took a swig of brightly colored liquid from a glass and did a backflip. The commercial dissolved into purchasing information and the hero was stunned, staring until they switched it off as a new ad began.

“He ruined sportscandy.”

“Finally you can start calling it fruit like a normal person.” Robbie grumbled.

Sportacus smiled thinly, glad that his friend was attempting to liven the situation.

“I've been doing analysis on the site of the accident and researching the companies behind the sportscandy supplement.” Pixel spoke up.

“Stingy said that you could borrow one of his cars since the other guy stole your airship.” Trixie grumbled, still bitter that the boy had moved into town.

“Thank you all so much, for everything you have done for me, especially while I have been hurt.” More of the hero’s optimism bubbled to the surface, feeling renewed with gratitude for the hard work and generosity of his friends.

The crowd bustled to thank him instead, a chorus of anecdotes of times he had helped or saved them, and he felt tears of joy welling up in his eyes.

“Are you an Elf?”

That cooled down his enthusiasm, he'd been wearing a baseball cap since getting new clothes, but much of the town had visited while he was indisposed.

“I have to go... rest, to plan, for the trip, before I leave.” he stammered, grabbing Robbie's hand and dragging him through the crowd. He would have jumped out the window if he hadn't remembered his commitment to his new companion.

“You know that you really don't have to drag me everywhere with you now.” Robbie groused.

Sportacus smiled, glad to see the self proclaimed villain’s normal demeanor returning. “I made you a promise that I won't leave you behind again.”

“You're going after that guy though.”

“And you're coming with me.” 

“Why?!”

Sportacus stopped and looked him in the face. “I don't blame you, but I know that you feel responsible for what happened, so you're going to come with me just to clean up the mess.”

Robbie scowled at the serious scolding, unable to refuse the assertion. “I think I miss the silly blue sports elf who couldn't stop flipping and flopping every where.”

He grinned. “I also just like your company.”

 

~

 

When they returned to Pixel’s house Sportacus dragged Robbie down onto the bed with him and cuddled tightly, waiting for those who had been summoned to arrive. Robbie didn't even bother to resist, and appeared to be napping until the meeting started.

Stephanie was there first, carrying several bags. “This should be everything you will need to make it to the city and back a few times, hopefully it will be enough to get you what you need.”

Pixel returned with Trixie in tow, arguing about the situation. They had brought the car to be borrowed from Stingy’s residence.

“I'm sorry, she wouldn't leave when I went to pick up the car.” Pixel apologized.

“Sportacus is my friend too and I wanted to say goodbye.” She looked at the hero. “I was really sad when we saw your airship leave and you didn't talk to us.”

“I'm sorry about that.” Sportacus sighed. He sat up and offered a hug.

Robbie stirred, then scrambled into the corner with his knees to his chest avoiding eye contact with anyone.

“Anyway.” Pixel started. “Robbie has been helping me make things and explore the lab. The machine he had been working on basically opened up a frequency, and then from what I calculated, they used some power from their place to latch onto his signal.”

“I told you that it's not your fault Robbie, they took advantage of the situation, I know that you didn't mean to do anything wrong.”

Robbie grunted but the sound was weak.

“So the best plan we have so far is that you should go into town and try to find out what you can about the Smart Snack company that makes the fake Sportscandy.” Stephanie explained, spreading out pages of notes about what they had been able to learn so far. “They brag that it's 100% natural, but no one has been able to find out exactly what's in it. We're hoping that if we do an expose, they'll get shut down, and then the police can handle them.”

Sportacus was relieved that they had already figured this much out and that he wasn’t going to be expected to face his darker self single-handedly.

 

~

 

Sportacus was unreasonably anxious as he pulled into the desolate gas station. Learning to drive the car, and then having had Robbie show him how refueling worked had seemed simple enough earlier in the day, but now Robbie was asleep in the fully reclined passenger seat. They had agreed to take shifts driving, and Sportacus was determined to do this himself, but he was still nervous about remembering to do it right.

He went into the store to pay, Stephanie had leant them an ample collection of cash, and so Sportacus decided to buy some of the 'fresh’ fruit on display. A few wilted apples and oranges with brown spotted bananas were all that was left, but at this point he had little choice. He had almost relaxed when he spotted it, a poster hanging on the board behind the register, showing Robbie's distinctive face. Sportacus hurried to prepare the car and refuel praying that Robbie wouldn't wake up and that no one else would notice him in the seat.

He made it a few miles down the road before he had to pull over to regain his composure. He was scared, he was starting to remember just how little he really understood modern society, and Robbie, who he had been counting on to guide him was now a wanted man. As great with disguises as he was, his features were unmistakably distinctive to a trained eye.

“Sport...Are you crying again?” Robbie groaned and rolled over to look at his traveling companion.

“They had a poster with your face on it at the gas station.” Sportacus explained.

“We'll need disguises then.” Robbie looked thoughtful but irritable. “I'm going to have to improvise with what we have...”

“You aren't just sneaking around children this time Robbie.” Sportacus noted the despair hitching in his voice. He knew that the shock of the last few days was starting to sink into him, he knew in a clinical sense what was about to happen, his eyes watering as his throat closed up and breathing lost rhythm and depth. “This is really dangerous.”

“Hey...” Robbie reached out uncertainty, awkwardly patting the elf's head. “I've been in tight spots before.”

The small man had pulled himself into a ball on the seat. Robbie reached over to try and pull him closer, stroking softly as he murmured reassuring platitudes, waiting for him to uncurl. However the strain of seeing his counterpart so broken couldn't just pass him over completely and the ordeal was coming back to haunt him as the sun set and the world darkened around them.

“L-let’s go lay down in the backseat, take a rest.” He suggested, glad that they had taken the advice from the kids to flatten the seat to combine it with the trunk space as a makeshift bed. It was awkward as they clambered out of the seats they occupied and to stuff their legs into the sedan's confined trunk space. They couldn't exactly get comfortable, but they were able to get close.

Eventually the panic wore itself out of them, and they could breathe again, albeit shakily. 

“So, I know you didn't want to discuss it in front of the kids, but I think it's time to address the elephant in the room, well car.” Robbie snorted. Sportacus giggled weakly. “Magic.”

The elf sighed. “What were you doing anyway?”

“I was just trying to encourage balance... But... Something went awry.”

“They destroyed the balance that you were trying to achieve, and then used it to come here. It's not your fault.”

“I don't know if they really destroyed what I was doing or even that their arrival was something unrelated.” Robbie took a deep breath. “The balance was supposed to be between us... To bring us closer together...”

“Oh Robbie, you sap, why couldn't you have just talked to me?” Sportacus sighed.

“I wanted to be better... But I knew I could never be good enough... And I tried to drag you down with me...”

Sportacus sighed and considered this. “I wish I had learned more about magic. I never needed to know a lot, just enough to fix injuries or help plants grow...”

“Be glad... Magic can ruin you.”

“Is that what happened to you?”

“When they appeared... I knew... Glanni has full command of Unseelie magic. Your counterpart had a considerable combination of light and dark magic.”

“How did you get involved in magic Robbie?”

“My father was Fae, dark court nobility. My mother was his plaything. I was a bastard who didn't belong to either world. I managed to escape the Unseelie, but... I didn't get free unscathed.... That's... Why I'm like this.” He gestured vaguely at himself.

“Is that why you don't look like Glanni, the way Íþróttaálfurinn looks like me.”

Robbie snorted. “No, that was me, plastic surgery. A lot of it, too much, I barely look human any more. At first it was just to make my ears look normal. Then as I got older.... I started to feel like I was looking at my father every time I looked in the mirror.”

Sportacus stared in concern, but then slowly had an idea brighten his face. “That's it Robbie, I can fix that!”

“Fix what?!”

“Your face!”

“Excuse me!?”

“No, no, no, don't get me wrong, you're very handsome, but if I remove the foreign implants from your face, you will look different! And then we won't have to worry about you being recognized!”

“Yeah but... Did you miss the part where I don't exactly like the face nature gave me?”

“I can change that, but I need to know what I'm working with and what I need to work around. I'm glad that I got such a good look at Glanni now. I think I know what to do.”

“You think?!”

“I know. I can fix you, I can fix at least some of,” He waved an indicative hand. “This.”

Robbie closed his eyes and sighed. “OK. Do it.”

First Sportacus probed gently with his fingers, feeling for the barriers between flesh and implant, feeling the scars in bone and skin. His magic followed his fingers, providing him with a mental image. “This part might hurt.” He warned, doing his best to absorb any pain as he forced the flesh to part around the foreign implants. It was disgusting, but he would dispose of them later, as Robbie's vulnerable face needed extra care to be rebuilt. He caught snatches of thought from Robbie, being so closely entwined while working magic. “What did your mother look like?”

Finally Sportacus had done all he could, exhausted by the strain of the delicate work. Robbie traced over his face experimentally. “I'm going to have to learn how to shave again.” He sighed, then got up to check out his reflection in the car mirrors, he frowned and tried different angles, fingers busy exploring. “It doesn't go with my hair like this.”

“Too bad.” Sportacus dismissed.

Robbie stuck out his tongue, then turned back to the mirror for one last glance before disposing of the bits of false flesh.

“We can't keep calling you Sportacus.” He warned when they got back.

He groaned. “I think I hate Íþróttaálfurinn.”

“Reasonably so.” Robbie shuffled through the junk mail ads on the floor of the car, mumbling to himself.

He was tired, but he couldn't sleep, it was so cramped, awkwardly shaped with random points, he was tempted to go outside and lay down at the side of the road, but it was much safer to stay in the car.

“Spencer.” Robbie said at last. “Not too different a name and won't arouse any interest. Maybe I should introduce myself as Bob?”

“Robbie.” He groaned.

“Is that a yes or a no, Spencer?”

He sighed. “Fine.”

Smugly, Robbie returned to his side. “By the way.” he said, eyes sparkling with a new light. “Thank you.”

That alone would have been enough to touch and satisfy the elf's soul, but then Robbie's hand reached out to touch his face, and then gently leaned in and kissed him. “We'll start driving again in the morning. Let's just sleep for now.”

The newly dubbed Spencer nodded, then nuzzled up to the man with a new face and rested his head under a smooth yet still strong jaw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time we start to glimpse the darkness.


	5. Into a hive of scum and villainy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a lovely smut scene, and then all of this plot and fluff insisted on coming first.
> 
> On the upside the next chapter should be coming Soon™.

Sportacus-No, it was Spencer now-, had taken the first driving shift. He was usually an irrepressible morning person, and although he’d woken at the usual time he felt incredibly irritable. A rather uncharitable part of him suspected that Robbie had intentionally insisted on the cosleeping, knowing that Sportacus-No! Spencer dammit- would be the first one awake, and thus the first one to start driving the next shift, likely for the remainder of the trip. He grumbled to himself about what could be the possible cause of his short temper, the lower quality food than he was used to, his exhausted body and mind that had been trod upon the last week. It could be the magic, either the drain of having used so much of it in one go last night, or more worryingly because of Robbie’s magical accident. He didn’t want to think that one spell gone awry would alter his very identity, but he wasn’t acting like himself, and having met a version of himself further still unlike his usual demeanor, he wasn’t quite so sure anymore.

He didn’t really know what to think of his new relationship with Robbie. He was pleased that there was mutual kissing now, not just hand holding or enforced cuddles. He was glad that Robbie was apparently in a better mood to boot. Even if his spell had changed things, perhaps it was for the better. Spencer couldn’t argue with results. He bit his tongue and glared at the road. Traffic had begun recently, and being on the same road as other drivers was significantly more harrowing than driving down an empty road for long stretches. He knew he was only a beginner, but was shocked at how careless other drivers were, presumably significantly more experienced drivers. He’d suspected in advance but knew now that he was probably going to hate his stay in the city, as if there was not already enough going wrong in his life.

But glancing over at the soft expression on Robbie’s new face, for once sleeping restfully, well, at least something was going right.

 

“What time is it?” Robbie groaned, covering his face with one arm as he squirmed in the seat.

“About 10 in the morning.” Spencer supplied.

“You seem frustrated.”

“Well I have plenty of good reasons to be.” He sighed taking the hat off to run his hand through his hair for a moment before returning it to his head where it recovered his ears.

Robbie chuckled. “I know it's terrible, but I think I like seeing you like this, makes you seem more human.”

Spencer gave him a crooked glance.

“Usually you don't even seem real, just impossibly above us mere mortals, unbowed by the plights of the world.” Robbie scowled. “Part of why I found you so irritating, it seemed like you were oblivious to the bigger problems.”

Spencer was sympathetic. “To be fair, I was just trying to be strong for the kids. It's not like the two of us spent much time together alone.” He tried to bite back the bitterness that slipped through.

It was Robbie's turn to sigh.

The two men were quiet for a long time after that.

“Despite the circumstances, I'm glad that we're spending time together now.” Robbie offered.

“Thank you, I'm happy to hear that.” He smiled softly.

“Whenever you feel like it I'll take over driving. City driving is the worst.”

“I can believe it, I don't know how people manage to do this every day, if I hadn't powered down my crystal, it would probably be flashing nonstop.”

Robbie chuckled. “Yeah, sometimes even the best of us succumb to road rage. It helps if you swear at the other drivers, they can't hear you but it's cathartic to let it out. For some people at least.”

“I remember hearing once, about rabid dogs or something, which led to people fighting over road rage.” Spencer recalled.

“Yeah, 'mad dogging’ they call it, when you stare someone down.” He corrected. “People kill each other over road rage.”

Spencer sighed again. “People kill each other for a lot of reasons. Part of why I lived in an airship.”

“Blimp.”

“Don't you start, I'll mad dog you.” Spencer threatened.

Robbie positively giggled. “Anything to get you to notice me.”

“Do you even know how cute you are?”

“Not as cute as you.”

“Oh stop it, you.”

 

Robbie was feeling a lot better as they neared town and the playful bantering, followed by loud singing along with the radio had made the last stretch of the trip pass quickly. Spencer had relaxed significantly after leaving the driver's seat, but he was still restless about being confined and still for so long. He was trying to distract himself with figuring out what stretches and exercises he could do in the confines of a passenger seat. The music helped, but he fidgeted like a child waiting for the school bell to let out.

Robbie wasn't happy to be returning to the city, too many bad memories, bad decisions, bad people. He knew better than Spencer what challenges they would be facing, even getting near to the factory, just to surveil the perimeter would be risky. They needed not to be recognized, in addition to avoiding general suspicion. Presently they looked like exactly what they were, a pair of homeless men living in a car.

Because he knew their funds were limited, he searched the unfortunately less desirable areas of town to find a cheap motel. Spencer tried not to respond to the open display of poverty and crime around them, and was clearly agitated by the sense that something was wrong. Yet again he was certain that his crystal would have been flashing constantly.

They ended up checking into a run down but decently maintained weekly rate hotel. Robbie had a sneaking suspicion that it was surreptitiously operating at an hourly rate as well. Depending on how their first week went, he might need to extend to monthly.

They unloaded into the room fairly quickly, and Robbie dug out toiletries and clean clothing before heading into the bathroom for the three S’s. Robbie tried not to waste too much time examining his new face, toying with his wet hair, trying to decide if he wanted to even try bothering with styling it. He sighed and decided to let it dry as it would, to allow Spencer his chance to clean up himself.

Robbie couldn't help but laugh when the shorter man emerged, blonde locks curling around his face and long moustache drooping without the supplement of wax. “You should lose the lip warmer, it's distinctive enough that you might be recognized."

Spencer sputtered helplessly in protest but Robbie cut him off. “I had my entire facial structure rearranged for this, I don't want to hear you cry about some whiskers.”

He was sulking when he reemerged, clean shaven.

Robbie pulled him into a hug and reassured him. “It'll grow back.” He stroked the smooth jaw and planted a kiss on his forehead.

“But it takes forever for my facial hair to grow.”

“So what next then?”

Spencer sighed, leaning into the hug for a final moment before pulling away. “I think we should get some food.”

 

Grocery shopping together was surprisingly fun, for all that they bickered constantly over what constituted proper nutritional staples. They were still absorbed in their high spirited bickering as they carried their bags to the car, not noticing the hoodlums pointing at them.

“You queers have a pretty nice car.”  
“Nicky said that he saw you flash a fat stack of cash inside.”  
Robbie slammed the door on the groceries, tensing up for the confrontation.

Spencer looked concerned, alarmed and shocked at the same time. “I'm not sure what you are trying to say?” He offered cautiously.

“Aw look at this cute one, he’s got a mouth on him.” One of the boys flicked out a knife.

“They're going to try to mug us.”

“Try? We got you fairies outnumbered.”

Robbie cackled. “Oh if only you knew how true that was.”

“Don't.” Spencer warned him. “We can do this without violence.”

“This little guy is cute, grab him.”

Two of the bigger boys each grabbed one of Spencer's arms. “I really don't want to hurt anyone.”

“So cute. I'm going to enjoy ruining that baby face of yours.”

 

Robbie kept his eyes on the two who were moving in on him, keeping his back to the car. He was carefully controlling his breathing. It had been a long time since he'd needed to do this, but he was reasonably confident he would be able to hold his own.

“I'm warning you one last time, I really would feel bad if you needed medical attention.”

 

There was a beat of silence before Robbie heard some cracks and snaps, unsurprised that Spencer was now on the roof of the car and the three groaning boys presumably on the ground.

“What the hell was that kind of Jackie Chan bullshit?!”

“Just the beginning really.” Robbie drawled, casually examining his nails and leaning forward off the car. The boys took a step back from him. “I'd suggest that you help your friends to the urgent care before more trouble comes your way.” They scrambled quickly.

Spencer was quiet, looking pale and wide eyed as they got in the car and drove away.

 

“Pretty bold of them to come after us in broad daylight like that.” Robbie noted casually as they pulled into the motel parking lot.

Spencer still didn't speak as they unloaded the groceries into the kitchenette and started preparing lunch. “I want to help people be healthy.” He mumbled finally.

“Not everyone can make healthy choices. You can't make choices for people. They made a bad choice to attack a pair of older men they didn't consider a threat, and I eat cocoa puffs with chocolate milk for lunch.”

“You're addicted to it aren't you?”

“I was wondering when you would pick up on that.”

“I should have known really, I suspected for quite some time but...” He sighed. “Addiction is only a symptom and if it's what helps you cope, well, it's better than nothing.”

“I'm surprised you aren't giving me the D.A.R.E. speech on the dangers of processed sugars and caffeine on magical physiology.”

“I don't need to, you know what you're doing to yourself. I wish you wouldn't but I can't make you stop, and even then, it's far crueler to cut you off cold turkey.”

They were quiet as they finished eating and put away their cheap new dishes.

“It's probably about time to go look at Smart Snack Incorporated.” Robbie mentioned.

“Yeah.”

“And by the way, I really appreciate all that you've been trying to do for me.”

“Why are you being so nice to me today?”

“We're lucky that they only had knives. If they'd had a gun we could have been killed.”

 

They parked a few blocks away, splitting up so as not to look suspicious, hoodies drawn up over their faces and sunglasses over their eyes. They made a couple of circuits of the building, taking note of the layout and points of entry.

Returning to the car, they compared notes, and discussed their plans. They would return in the night to take a closer look inside the outer perimeter, and depending on what they found then either complete their objective, or set up a stakeout for the next day. Then they returned to the hotel to nap until it was time to return.

As they drifted off holding each other close, Spencer offered. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

“No problem.”

 

~

 

“Keep alert, there are guards, cameras and dogs.” Robbie hissed.

Spencer nodded. “It's more secure than we were expecting. I think that I am going to have to go on ahead, you won't be able to follow how and where I go.”

“I know. All I can do is try to keep an eye on you and cause a disturbance if you get into a tight spot.”

The grasped hands, hugging one last time before Spencer climbed onto Robbie's shoulders like he was a tree and used the additional height to scale the fence, ruining a blanket to pass over the razor wire at top. He hit the ground running and raced to the building, quickly leaping and climbing his way to the second level, carefully checking doors and windows for a way in. Once he disappeared inside, the real danger began.

 

It took a moment for Spencer's elf eyes to adjust to the gloom, but he was surprised to see that there were still workers in the factory, apparently working around the clock shifts. It was a tight assembly line where each station was well separated from the next. Spencer was glad that he had reached the second level and was able to observe the whole operation from above.

He didn't understand most of what he was seeing, but he dutifully snapped photos with the camera Stephanie had provided and taught him to use.

He froze as he finally noticed something of interest. The door to the supervisor’s office opened and nearby employees flinched. Spencer sank back with dread, knowing before the figures emerged who he would see. He couldn't hear what was said, but Glanni, dressed in a smart if flashy business suit, led a boisterous Íþróttaálfurinn to the exit.

He heaved a sigh of relief as they left the building and trusted Robbie would be discreet.

His breather was short lived however as Glanni returned, he walked back towards his office, snarking and harassing workers as he went, then, as he opened his office door he paused. Spencer was snapping pictures furiously, as Glanni looked up, directly where he was perched, and smiled.

Spencer froze and stopped breathing. Then Glanni disappeared into his office.

 

Robbie nearly collapsed with relief as Spencer reappeared and quickly covered the distance back, making a running jump to clear the fence. They hurried back to the car before catching their breath and spilling out their experiences.

Back at the hotel, they contacted Stephanie and Pixel with the news, and began to plot their infiltration. They slept restlessly, clinging to one another desperately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully next time we get the smut ;p
> 
> Hope y'all are enjoying this, we're finally getting into the meat of the story. Make sure to comment about what you like or want to see more of, send me a pm if you have problems.


	6. Poisoning Pigeons in the Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RIP Ziggy, A boring stake out ends in a thrilling chase, and our Sportacus is a Fruit Fucker
> 
> Our Good Sportacus is now called Spencer because he's undercover  
> Evil Sportacus, better known as Íþróttaálfurinn, calling himself Markus Schleib

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got inspired by this https://youtu.be/cDIrsDT1UT4

There was fanfare as the picture faded into a studio, where a generic female interviewer was showcasing an attractive blonde man who was notably performing flexes as he spoke.

“I’m here today with Markus Schleib, the CEO of surprise overnight success Smart Snack SportscandyTM Energy Supplement. Markus, what would you describe as the secret to your success?”

“Well I think I just have a message that resonates with a lot of people. In today’s world people feel like they’re so busy when they’re really not doing much at all, so I think everyone is eager to add some more meaning to their lives.”

“How did you decide that this was the right direction for you?”

“I just think it’s important that people do everything they can to be active and productive. There’s really no excuse to be lazy and slothful all day. Every moment of every day should be spent moving, that’s why in addition to dietary supplements, we’re going to be introducing a line of personal exercise equipment that you can take anywhere, why sit sedentary at your work when your feet can be charging a battery? Keeping your blood flowing and your energy moving!”

 

“Spencer you should really turn it off.” Robbie grumbled as he stirred.

“I’ve never hated anyone before. I don’t know how people manage it.” The man replied flatly, unaware of how he was trembling, face locked on the screen unblinking.

“It’s an acquired skill.” Robbie yawned, sitting up and scooting forward to wrap his arms around the other, resting his chin on the shorter man’s head.

“And now for my favorite success story, when I met this young man he was shockingly overweight.” A picture flashed of Ziggy, a small child in an ill fitting shirt that revealed his stomach.

“NO!” Spencer yelled, leaping to his feet and inadvertently knocking Robbie backwards. The audio faded into the dull roar as an adult Ziggy emerged into the picture, only so thin and pale he looked emaciated and exhausted. “He’s starving..... Robbie, Robbie he’s DYING!” He reached helplessly at the television, hot tears already falling from his face as he inadvertently crushed the remote in his hand.

Robbie moved forward cautiously, rubbing his jaw where the elf’s skull had cracked into it in his leap forward, then reached to turn off the television.

“He’s dying Robbie... he’s poisoned....” Horror left him cold, as tears streamed from his eyes.

Robbie pulled him close and stroked his hair. “It’s going to be okay, we’ll figure this out. We can save him.”

Their cell phone rang. It was Stephanie.

“Yeah, we saw it.” There was a pause. “Not well.”

“You’re talking about...” Spencer began but Robbie silenced him with a wave of his hand.

“The plan remains the same, hopefully people will figure out what’s going on before anyone gets seriously ill or dies. No, do not tell him, do not let him know about the situation, just ask him for information. As long as he trusts you he won’t suspect the truth. I know it’s hard, it’s going to be harder in the days to come, but as you always tried to tell me, we can do better together. Look after each other, make sure to get everyone on the same page. We love you too, good bye.”

Spencer reached weakly for the phone but dropped his hand as Robbie threw it on the bed.

“Come on, I know this is hard, but we have a job to do, use your anger, don’t let it use you.”

“We’re going to save him right?”

“Yes.” Robbie promised, but it felt like it was a lie.

 

“This is unbearably boring.” Spencer groused, having just finished another smoothie.

“That is the nature of a stakeout.” Robbie muttered patiently, snacking idly.

A clipboard detailed the comings and goings of guard routines, employee shifts and departments, as well as cargo. The waves of people and activities rolled on like a tide, and Spencer felt like he was dying. His skin was crawling with the need to move, to do something, anything, but instead he sat powerless in an automobile watching as poison was shipped out to around the world.

“We should get a can of the supplement.” Robbie noted.

“What?! Why?! We don’t want to support it, we certainly aren’t going to try any of it.”

Robbie shrugged. “Pixel has been running tests on some back in Lazy Town, but he can’t test for everything. I suspect, especially because of who is behind this, and because you were able to see the death on him so clearly, that this poison in magical in nature.”

“Oh.”

“Here’s $20, hopefully that’s enough to get a small tin. It will give you something to do and then I can look at it when you get back. Don’t open it, don’t touch it, and don’t use your magic around it. I have a few suspicions what it could be, but I can’t be certain.”

He ran as fast as he could to the store, regretting that he couldn’t do the kinds of flips he wanted, but contenting himself with parkouring over obstacles in his path. He still hadn’t had the chance to really start moving as he’d used to before the attack, and the circumstances of the last few days had made the disruption to his schedule even more aggravating. He enjoyed the running, and felt for the first time like he could actually think, his brain relaxing as all he troubled himself with was the reflexive calculations to avoid obstacles.

He felt the wrongness without needing to follow any signs to where the supplement had been stocked. He felt even worse as he noted how much of the inventory was already gone, cans coming off the shelf faster than the store employees could put them up. Steeling himself, he reached for a can, and yelped, startled at the touch, knocking it to the ground. He sprinted back to the front of the store to grab a basket, this time knocking the can in with a random item off the shelf. “Double bag it.” He told the cashier as he purchased the container, and as he ran back to the car, it felt like terror racing through him, as if he was being pursued by evil.

Robbie sensed when he got back, a bittersweet weight in his gut. “Don’t bring it in here.”

“It’s wrong Robbie, it’s so very wrong.”

Robbie was about to tell him to just throw the can in the dumpster beside them but then sighed and reached down to pop the trunk. “Leave it back there, at least we have the seats up.”

They sat in disquiet for several long moments as Robbie reflected. “I don’t think I know how to cope with this, I don’t think I even know what kind of magic that is. I can guess, I can extrapolate based upon what I am familiar with but... It’s beyond me.” He hung his head.

Spencer leaned his head on his shoulders. “We’ll figure it out.”

Eventually they began to compensate for the sick presence in the back of the car, turning on the radio, talking about nonsense as they watched the compound. A car drove past them through the alley, and then parked ahead. They hardly noticed, until a second car pulled up behind them.

Robbie started the car, as a third entered the alleyway behind them. “Shit, shit, shit.” He growled, accelerating out of the alley and thanking his lucky stars that he hadn’t decided to park in the dead end alley across the street, as it was the car that had been in front of them swerved and clipped the right rear side of the car, sending them into half a spin as they hit the street. Robbie spared only a glance to reassure himself that Spencer had already buckled his seatbelt, and then hit the gas, mentally reflecting on the streets in the area. It had been years, and there was no telling what had changed since he once prowled these streets himself.

Adrenaline raced through him as he weaved through traffic, made sudden turns, and generally tried every trick in the book to lose their tail.

“Why are there never police around when you need them?” He muttered, ahead, he saw a possible escape, their hunters had not yet reappeared, but were due to any second, he swerved into the empty line and threw on the brakes as the stopped, fumbling to throw a $5 into the machine.

Robbie was shaking as the daylight disappeared, watching frantically behind them, fearful that their pursuers were waiting. While the car wash was a good hiding place, it depended on not being seen, and until they made it to the exit, there was no way to be sure they had escaped.

Robbie felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped, then relaxed slightly when he saw the concerned expression on Spencer's face. 

“It's going to be okay.” He reassured.

Robbie had a strained smile and began to nod when he jumped again as the machines started. He was shaking and there was no way Spencer couldn't notice it. A seat belt unclipped, and the elf was turned towards him, kneeling on his seat. He carefully ran a hand along Robbie's face before drawing him into a gentle kiss.

Robbie sighed into the kiss, running his fingers through his partner's hair, brushing past his ears. Spencer began to purr, and Robbie licked at his lips. Spencer responded immediately to deepen the kiss with a small groan, then pulled away with a gasp. “Ease your seat back.”

Robbie complied breathlessly, then suddenly found his arms and lap full as a hand removed his seatbelt, while skimming his belly. The purring grew louder as Spencer straddled him, grinding their hips together and emitting little squeaks as he pressed back into the kiss.

Robbie laid back and enjoyed the sensation, the troubling chugging of machinery fading to the background as his hands finally roamed the body he had spent years admiring. He'd expected the muscles to be hard but the warm layers of Spencer's body were soft until tensed, as they did intermittently. His fingers found the edge of Spencer's t-shirt and he flexed his own hips in response to the sensation of flesh at his fingertips. Spencer himself whimpered and gasped for air, then whipped off his shirt in one smooth movement. Robbie growled in appreciation and then nuzzled his face into the other man's chest, kissing and rubbing against the muscles. His hands gripped and wandered as his mouth explored the surface. Spencer was whining and bucking against him in his lap.

Robbie was getting bolder, taking a nipple into his mouth and delighting in the sharp moans escaping into the confined space of the car. “Oh Robbie, Robbie yes...” He cried, body shuddering. Robbie pressed into Spencer's hips again, rubbing his erection along the cleft between the other’s legs. “Oh Robbie I want you...”

Robbie bit at his neck, sucking gently, Spencer squirming and squealing in his lap. The elf was panting and begging, purrs ripping through him like a chainsaw motor. He reached down in a haze and started to fumble with his belt. Robbie leaned the seat back further as Spencer yanked off his pants and shoes. Robbie started to Palm him through his boxers, and Spencer turned his focus on Robbie's pants. He freed Robbie's erection and tugged the pants to his hips. Spencer backed his rear into the steering wheel and jumped when the horn let out a beep. He turned his mouth to Robbie's member and it was the tall man's turn to start losing control.

Spencer shoved Robbie's shirt up to his chest and then moved his body up, rubbing against Robbie's shaft along the way. Robbie shivered, realizing his hands were skimming bare ass and both men’s cocks were rubbing together. He didn't know when the elf had lost his boxer shorts, and jumped when a cold drop of lube dropped onto his thigh.

“Robbie I want you to fuck me, do you think you can do that?” Spencer was trembling, blue eyes nearly black from wide pupils.

“Y-yes.” He managed with as much coherency as he could manage, thrusting up on instinct. He would have started begging his partner’s name, but his brain couldn't route the information and suddenly the universe tightened around him as Spencer began to slide down his cock.

“Oh Robbie.” He cried, over and over again. Robbie tried to keep up, but the muscular elf was setting his own pace, soon gasping. “I'm.. about to..Ah...”

“Yes.” Robbie groaned feeling the tightness in his belly. When the first hot splat of Spencer's cum splashed on his stomach he felt his own release begin to flood. They communicated without words, whimpering and growling, bodies responding eagerly. Spencer collapsed onto Robbie's chest panting.

“I think that's the first real exercise I've had in days...” He muttered breathlessly.

“You're so silly, my love.” Robbie sighed happily.

Spencer's face filled with wonder. “You love me?”

“Of course I do, you dumb elf, stop looking at me like that, idiot.” Robbie managed to flush brighter, and then spasmed as Spencer squeezed down on him one last time before pulling himself away.

“I'm just surprised to hear you say it.” He chuckled.

“Yeah well... We just... I wasn't expecting our first time in these circumstances.”

“Neither was I, but here we are.” Spencer was positively glowing as he threw his shirt back on, and it took a moment for Robbie to realize that the car had reemerged into daylight. He sat up in alarm, pulling his shirt down and tucking himself into his pants.

Spencer was laughing as he slipped on some shorts and Robbie adjusted his seat before starting the car.

“I'm really happy we're together, Robbie.”

He could only glance at the shining eyes, before pretending to be focused on driving.

“I have to say, sex is a lot more exciting with someone else.” Robbie slammed on the brakes, and fortunately there was no one else in the parking lot.

“What do you mean with someone else?”

“I've never had sex with another person before.” Spencer shrugged sheepishly.

“Do you mean to tell me, that you just did all of that, and you're a VIRGIN?”

“Well, uh, technically I'm not a virgin anymore.” He was blushing fiercely, pulling his hat down.

“How... How did you know how to... Do all that.”

“Well I have been practicing by myself for awhile.”

“How?! You were deepthroating me, you sat on my cock like it was natural... Were you fucking fruit?”

“Well, sort of?” He offered helplessly.

“So what, you just started sucking off bananas one day?” Robbie was agitated.

“Bananas are too soft... Carrots were the easiest to learn with because of the different thicknesses, then cucumbers to learn how to handle more girth.”

“You've been shoving cucumbers up your ass?!”

“Don't be ridiculous, that's what dildos are for.”

“You tell me you've been fucking fruit and I'm the ridiculous one?” Robbie shouted.

“I wonder if my skills would be sufficient enough with a vulva, I was told to practice on a peach for those...”

“You fucked peaches!?”

“No, no with my mouth of course, there's the point on the bottom and then the cleft along the back and you can try to dig out the pit to make a hole...”

“You're a freak.”

“It gets boring being alone. Besides I may be a freak, but you're the freak who loves me.”

Robbie leaned his head against the steering wheel, butting his forehead against the horn lightly. Then Spencer pulled out a banana and purposefully made a show of peeling and then mouthing it, before swallowing the fruit whole.

“I hate you.”

“Only because you love me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY
> 
> I imagine Íþróttaálfurinn and Glanni Glæpur joyfully singing this only instead of pigeons it's people, squirrel is elf
> 
> Also also, the peach thing is a real thing a guy I know did to practice. If you absolutely can't stand peach fuzz, nectarines will do the trick. Pussy eating is hard work so get to it. I guessed about the carrots and cucmbers, though I know that they have been used for sexual purposes. I knew a girl in high school who could swallow a whole popsicle and then pull out the stick. Quite the party trick that. Also, a la American Pie I have heard of dudes putting a melon in the microwave and then cutting a hole in it. Our Sporty has not done that.
> 
> And not every dude jizzes immediately the first time, I took my husband's virginity and he did everything great on pure instinct for sex. Sorry, not sorry, if TMI.


	7. Into The Den of Inequity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heeeere's Glanni! Infiltration and monologuing and things start to get bad.

“Relax, love, it will be fine.” Robbie assured him, although truthfully he was terrified. “I'm just worried about you, I have an official looking clipboard, a lab coat, and glasses. If I had a ladder or a white work truck I'd be invisible. The key is walking into the place with confidence. Act like you belong there and people will believe that you do.” Robbie was trying to couple his soothing words by teasing at Spencer's hair, trying to mimic the look of 'Markus Schleib’. “On the plus side everyone is so afraid of him that no one will take too close a look at you.”

They were in a hurry as they knew Glanni was generally brief on his lunch breaks, but fortunately Íþróttaálfurinn was appearing in another city today.

The moment of truth came as they parted ways, Robbie heading to the back gate, and Spencer striding up to the front. He struggled to keep his stance both confident and dour, summoning his anger to guide him. It seemed to do the trick as he marched directly into the supervisor's office without a glance. Mercifully there was no one inside and he deflated.

Snapping to the task he began flipping through files, taking pictures of every scrap of paper that looked important. Suddenly his heart rose in his throat as the sound of jaunty footsteps clipped along the catwalk. Spencer steeled himself and gave his best game face.

“Master!” Glanni greeted enthusiastically with a flourishing bow, glancing up at him through heavy lashes. “You've returned early.”

“Yes, my pet.” He gruffed, reaching out to touch the man’s face, who purred and nuzzled into the touch.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, my master.” His eyes were lowered, fluttering half closed. Spencer found it uncomfortably arousing, the beautiful man at his feet exuded a sexual aura. It was bad enough the sharp resemblance to Robbie, but the knowledge of whatever dark relationship existed between their doubles was undoubtedly twisted and cruel. And somehow Spencer was supposed to act it out.

“I needed to check on the inventory and output, making sure that the increase in production was meeting demands.”

Glanni slunk to his chair and leaned back, lounging with his legs sprawled, leaving quite a lot on display through his tight pants. “Have a seat, Master.”

Spencer sat, struggling not to bite his lips, trying not to stare. “So how are operations managing?” Spencer was going to run out of his repertoire of business lingo shortly.

“Oh we are exceeding expectation, it's really quite spectacular how well our workers have been putting out.” There was definitely a chuckle of innuendo there and Spencer struggled to force a laugh. Glanni smiled widely, leaning forward, resting his cheek on his fist.

“That’s very good to hear.” Spencer forced out.

“Would you like some refreshment? Your usual, or maybe something special, as a reward for good work?” He tugged at the zipper at his neck, and Spencer was really hot and bothered to realize that Glanni wore the catsuit under his normal clothes.

“The usual.” Spencer managed.

Glanni pouted his thick painted lips, turning to a cabinet in the corner, bending over in an exaggerated fashion and spreading his legs. Spencer was transfixed as he watched the other man work, fixing two drinks, one with a healthy splash of sharp scented alcohol. The other appeared to be a glass of cola, and Glanni stirred in some of the supplement.

Glanni bent over and set the Sportacola in front of Spencer and then threw back the entire glass of alcohol with a grin. Spencer stared at the poison in front of him, trying not to betray his horror and a cold sense that the whole plan was a failure.

“Aren't you thirsty?” Glanni purred, sliding himself onto the desk.

Spencer grabbed the glass, trying to will himself not to tremble, and not to clench, he didn't even want to imagine what the poison would do to an open wound if the glass shattered in his hand. He put his mouth cautiously on the clean rim of the glass, and gingerly tilted it back, stopping the liquid just short of his lips.

Glanni watched eagerly, and it was enough for Spencer to set the glass down a little too quickly. “Mmm, mmm, so good!”

A phone rang, and Glanni sighed. “I'm afraid that I have to answer that.”

It took every ounce of restraint not to slump or scoot away.

“Oh dear, Master, it would seem that our security team has found a health inspector snooping around the prohibited areas.” Glanni informed him. “What shall we do about that?”

“Bring him here, we can take care of him personally, maybe have a little fun with him.” Spencer tried to sound disinterested, even as cold sweat rolled down his neck.

 

Spencer's willpower was running low when two burly men dragged a thrashing Robbie into the room and forced him into the floor. “This one's a scrapper, sir.”

“How delightful. You can leave him, we'll be able to handle him.” Cautiously the men nodded and carefully released Robbie, before leaving the room.

“I'm so glad you could make it, we were just starting to have fun here.” Glanni chuckled. “I really thought your boyfriend was going to drink it for a second there. I was so sorely tempted to throw it in his face, oh boy wouldn't that have been fun!”

“You knew the whole time?!”

“Please, even if that shoddy glamour wasn't like looking through a window, you did literally everything wrong from the moment you'd shown up. I'd offer you drinks for the balls it took for you to come here, but I feel like you wouldn't trust me.”

“What's your game, Glanni?” Robbie demanded.

“Uhg, straight to business, when did I get so boring.” He draped himself back over his chair and started to remove his outer clothing. “I can only imagine if my master had been here to greet you. Then we would really have a chance to play, really take our time and get the job done properly this time.”

Robbie was shaking but trying to stand his ground. Spencer reached for his hand. Robbie squeezed back before finding his voice, strong despite his tremors. “You haven't directly tried to kill us or threaten us, so I'm guessing that you're offering us a deal.”

Glanni giggled wickedly. “Ooh a deal, a deal! Oh what a lucky day this is.” He shed the outer layers and dropped his zipper to his navel. “I'm getting excited just thinking about it.” Then he leaned forward with his thumb in his teeth. “But first I need to know what you were planning to do.”

“We want to stop you two, shut down this factory and break whatever curse, cure whatever poison you've been feeding these people.”

“Such a hero, how quaint.”

“I just wanted to find a way to kill you.” Robbie spat.

Glanni swooned. “A man after my own heart, but who would know me better than myself? I have to say I quite like your new look. What did you have done?”

“Stop wasting time. State your piece and let us go.”

“So impatient, I'm disappointed in me. I thought your cute little boyfriend would break first. He looks so pure and innocent, virginal I'd say.”

Spencer stiffened and Robbie growled.

“Oh so you did finally fuck, I'm glad to hear it, congrats, you're disgustingly sappy. I mean look at you, holding hands? How do you even get off on that.”

“You're hurting.” Spencer said at last. Silence cut through the room like a knife as both looked to him in shock.

Glanni scowled after a moment, rebuilding his facade. “Are you going to pretend you care about this reckless little criminal, a savage filthy beast whose greatest pleasure is pain and suffering.”

“Glanni, I care about everyone. That's why I'm here. I want to help. The way my double treats you isn't right.”

“Well maybe I like it that way!”

“I think you deserve better treatment.”

“Are you going to offer to save me then, rescue me in your arms and domesticate me, teach me remorse and rehabilitate me into a model citizen.”

“No, only you can choose to do that, but I want to hear what help you would like from us.”

Glanni's face burned with rage, seeming like he might leap across the table, baring claws and fangs. After a long growl he turned away, shoulders sharp.

“My master has become the ruler of the Dark Court. I want it.” He turned. “I can't defeat him alone, he holds me in thrall. When he leashes me I have nothing, and my collar forbids me speaking his name. If not for him I would probably be the most powerful force of Darkness on the planet.” Glanni grinned.

“But he has something more, a mix of both types of magic and he has me under his command. I'm not an extremist, as I am sure you know that I quite fancy the filth humanity has to offer, I am truly the best of both my worlds and I would like to be free to enjoy it.

“My master, in addition to all the indignities he's forced upon me, is more radical. An extremist raised by those holier than thou Seelie courts, he's decided that humanity has gone too far, a plague to be cured, quarantined, eradicated. He wants to remove all marks they have left on the Earth to repair it to a pristine paradise. What humans survive would serve him, treated like animals, worked, trained and bred to their most useful tasks, breeding out undesirable traits like free will.” Glanni took another shot before continuing.

“It's hopeless really, I don't even know if you will survive, much less all your little friends.” He waved a careless hand. “You're powerless the two of you, just as I am powerless to work against my master. But you've made it this far, and I think it's kind of cute. I have a soft spot for underdogs I suppose.

“It really is too bad we can't meet under better circumstances, I always have wanted to fuck myself, and your pretty little boyfriend would be so much fun to defile, but alas, 'tis not to be.”

He walked over to a closet and gestured to it “If you want to live, you should get in here. My master is on his way, and I think I have seen your measure.”

“But he's appearing in Bullytown today!”

“It was taped.”

They both felt the presence of Íþróttaálfurinn’s arrival, exchanging a look, they scurried in as Glanni locked the door behind them. “Good luck and get comfortable. As long as you aren't stupid he won't know that you're there. Consider this your last test.”

They watched through venting slats as Glanni shrugged his business clothes back on, zipping up the catsuit. He made the room orderly and then sat behind the desk calmly.

The door to the office opened, and the first to walk in was Ziggy, looking even worse in person. Spencer held back a gasp, both hands on his face. “Hello Mr. Richards, is that drink for me?”

“It sure is Ziggyzag, my friend.” Glanni smiled flatly as Ziggy began to drink the Sportacola Spencer had refused. “And Markus, always a pleasure, or would you prefer me to call you Sportacus?”

The forced smile on Íþróttaálfurinn’s face poorly hid the daggers in his eyes. “Markus is fine.”

“Gosh, it's still so cool that you have a real name Sportacus! I know my friends told me that you were moving away from Lazy Town to help people in other places, but I'm so glad you moved here, and your new Sportscandy™ is so good, I really love how it makes it okay to eat or drink anything I want!”

“Thank you Ziggy, but you don't need to tell me that right now. It's the nice people in the commercials who want to hear about it. But for right now I need to speak with Mr. Richards alone, how about you go stand outside, take your drink with you.”

“Sure thing!” Ziggy agreed. “See you later Mr. Richards.”

As the door closed Íþróttaálfurinn threw a glyph at it, then grabbed Glanni by the throat and lifted him into the air. Glanni went limp in his grasp, but spared a smug look towards the closet.

“I don't appreciate your insolence, Glanni.” He stated calmly, before throwing him into the desk. “I wish I didn't have to be so rough with you, but we both know that you prefer it that way.” He ran a hand gently down the man’s jaw, then bit his face, before backing away to hit him. Then he began to tear off the outer clothing covering Glanni's catsuit, before opening that as well, raking his nails down the exposed belly, stopping just after the navel. “Really, it is a pity that I have to use you like this, the way you like to get yourself into trouble.” He squeezed Glanni's jaw with one hand, smiling at the sight of, and then licking the trail of blood dripping from the skinny man’s mouth.

Spencer shuddered in disgust, and Robbie had stopped watching immediately, going completely immobile, knees to his chest and hands on his head. Spencer looked between the two sights and bit his lip. He didn't want to watch what happened next, and instead turned his attention on soothing Robbie, hoping he could soothe himself over the sounds of violence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment to let me know how you like it so far. I feel like I don't quite have all the characters quite right, but they're also under a great deal of stress.
> 
> I just can't wait to *clenched fist* destroy them utterly.


	8. Return to Lazy Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty soft chapter with some Dadding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't link fics to the creators kids.

“Don't you dare pity me.” Glanni hissed as he unlocked the closet.

“I wouldn't dream of it.” Spencer sighed, his arm wrapped around Robbie.

“Well good. I trust this was educational. I figured that seeing your friend might help motivate you. I hope you didn't bring that same car around again, my boys have been looking for it.”

“Thanks for your concern. I hope that things improve for you.”

“Let's just go.” Robbie muttered, eyes downcast.

 

~

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Okay.” A beat of silence passed. “So, Glanni can purr, but I've never heard you do so.”

“It's something I lost... A long time ago.”

“How?”

“Same problems as everything.”

“The ones you won't talk about.” 

Robbie didn't respond.

“Would you talk to someone else? Maybe a professional?”

“I'm fine.”

“If you insist.” Spencer gritted his teeth. Part of him wanted to get mad, to yell and scold his partner. It was a bitter feeling, that even after all they had gone through together so far, Robbie still didn't trust him.

 

“Look, don't mope about it. I'll tell you about it some day... I know that talking about it will help. Just, not right now.” Robbie offered finally, resting a hand on the elf’s shoulder. Spencer turned to him with unshed tears sparkling in his azure eyes.

“Thank you. I'm sorry I keep pushing but I just...” He took a breath. “I'm just not good with inaction.” He chewed his lip. “I have my own problems, and I think part of the way I avoid coping with them is trying to help other people. Sometimes I think I forget that it doesn't make their problems mine to solve.”

“We're both a couple of wrecks aren't we?”

“I'm amazed that we're still going at all. I'm pretty sure one or both of us is about ready for a complete mental breakdown.” Spencer fidgeted, then flipped into doing handstand push-ups.

Robbie sprawled on the bed and watched, eyes half focused. He took a nap eventually, growing accustomed to the elf bouncing around the room as he worked out. He woke later to a growling stomach, Spencer eating a salad at the table. “How do you even manage to keep going on pure rabbit food?”

Spencer shrugged. “Elf physiology hasn't been as critically tested as the human studies. Elves rely too much on magic.”

“So you aren't out here studying everything to take the information back home?” He asked, rummaging through the fridge and cabinets indecisively.

Spencer laughed at that. “The last thing I want to do is go back to that. Even if I gave them everything I know, even if I somehow convinced any of the healers to learn from humans, they'd spend centuries arguing over what to do about it.”

“I guess that's one strength of the Unseelie, they adapt well around human customs.”

“I think that's what caused the rift in the first place, if I remember my history right.”

“I thought it had to do with the nature of light and dark magic.” Robbie seemed genuinely interested.

“The truth is that most magic is neutral, and it's the application that determines its form. I wish I had been better with it, but like I said, Seelie aren't good with adapting, they stick with tradition, doing what they've always done.”

“You're a lot smarter than people give you credit for.”

Spencer grinned. “It has it's perks. Teaching is the best way to learn.”

“Isn't that backwards?”

Spencer was thoughtful, measuring his words, tossing a tomato between his hands. “It's about breaking things down. If you can't explain the basics, you don't really know them. It's part of why teaching different people, even just communicating is so hard. We're all different up here.” He tapped his head.

Robbie nodded. “That's a good approach.” He started snacking on Graham crackers. “And... There is one case I can still purr.” Color rose in his cheeks.

Spencer focused fully on Robbie then.

“I’ll show you later.” He winked.

~

“I should call Stephanie!” Spencer realized, searching for the phone. He dialed the number and waited, doing squats as he listened to the ringing.

“Hello?” Stephanie was out of breath, her voice strained.

“Hi Stephanie I just wanted to call and let you know that we are okay and will be coming back soon.”

“O-oh, that's good to hear.” She gasped quickly.

Spencer paused for a moment to listen before asking. “Are you having sex?”

“What?! N-nuh,no, I-I I'm just dancing, yeah, dancing, you know, I love to dance!” Her voice was too strained.

Robbie was watching curiously at the conversation.

“Well, it was very exciting at the factory today, we learned a lot about what our evil twins are doing.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Íþróttaálfurinn is trying to destroy the modern world. He thinks that people are too lazy to take care of themselves or the environment, so he thinks the only way to save the world is to kill a lot of people.”

“What! That's horrible!” She seemed to be paying full attention now.

“We might be able to stop them if we can prove that the drink is harmful, but it will be difficult because of the way it's designed, so that people have to take a lot to get sick. We met Glanni, who is Robbie's double, and he is willing to help us defeat Íþróttaálfurinn, but cannot act directly.”

He waited for a response, but heard only irregular sounds. “You know, if you are having sex, you can tell me and I will hang up.”

“I... I'm not.” She insisted in a very unconvincing manner.

“Who are you having sex with?”

“I'm not having sex!” She squeaked. Spencer heard a breathy chuckle in the background.

“Oh it's Pixel isn't it?”

“No!” He heard the opposite response in the background.

“I know that it must be embarrassing to talk about with me but I hope you're using protection.”

“Okay, fine, I admit it!”

“Then I will hang up now.”

“Bye, Sportacus!” He heard as he pulled the phone away from his ear s he shook his head.

“Kids these days huh?” Robbie offered.

Spencer chuckled. “I'm surprised that she was trying so hard to hide it. I was very frank about the Talk.”

“If you're so blunt about sex, why hadn't you had it before?” Robbie asked, a touch aggressively.

Spencer shrugged. “It wasn't a lack of opportunity. I just.... I move around a lot, I didn't want to get attached, usually the feelings weren't reciprocated, or we just wanted different things. It was easier to keep to myself. Also...” He tugged an ear in explanation.

Robbie nodded. “What made me so special?”

“Well, you already know about magic, I could see your glamours immediately. I am quite taken with your body, was from the start, you're fun and you challenge me in a good way. You're very clever and persistent.” As Spencer listed the facts, Robbie turned redder and redder, hiding his face in his hands.

Spencer knelt down and put a hand on Robbie's knee.

“I see great beauty inside you, Robbie, and there's nothing I want more than for you to be able to see it for yourself.”

Robbie took a few shaky breaths before uncovering his face, eyes watery, and looking at his lover. “I think that I should show you how to make me purr.”

Spencer blushed now, but smirked. “I can't wait.”

 

They moved to the bed, making out vigorously, Spencer purring nearly immediately, but aside from a few growls and groans Robbie was mostly quiet. It was only after they were down several articles of clothing that his demeanor began to change. Spencer was hazy eyed with lust, spread mewling on the bed, as Robbie slipped down to the end. The tall man took his time tasting belly and thighs, before nuzzling between the legs. Robbie's growls began to hitch like starting a rip cord engine.

Robbie eagerly tasted the elf's sweat and lapped at the surprisingly sweet flavored precum. “I guess there is one upside to all that fruit you eat.”

Spencer managed a weak chuckle before his whole body shifted into a long moan. Robbie began to swallow down with determination, each convulsion of his throat accompanied by a rumble, until Robbie was working the full length in even strokes, and a full regular purr vibrated through them both. Spencer whined and twitched on the bed, unable to do more than twist his fingers into Robbie's hair, gradually beginning to thrust his hips. Robbie pulled back, to taste every drop as Spencer came in his mouth, sweet, hot and thick.

Spencer moaned and looked down at his lover, who wore a smug grin and no shame about the frothy mix of saliva and semen dripping from his wide mouth. It was enough to make him twitch and whimper at the sight. Robbie crawled up beside him, wiping his mouth before eagerly kissing the elf, who moaned at the taste of himself on the other's lips. Though his hands were gentle, comfortable cuddling in action, Spencer could feel the hard heat of an erection against his thigh.

“Oh Robbie, what am I going to do with you?”

“Meddle in my affairs, make me eat better food, force me to be active, wake me from naps.” He teased.

Spencer chuckled and brushed his hand across the other man's forehead before ruffling his fingers through the smooth dark curls. “Be that as it may I was talking about this.” He reached a hand down and squeezed. Robbie groaned and pressed into it.

“You really don't need to trouble yourself on my account.” He muttered between grit teeth as he rutted against the loving grip.

“Oh Robbie my sweet, I know I don't need to, but I want to.” Robbie groaned again, high in his throat this time.

“Why are you so good to me?”

“Are we going to have to go through this every time?”

“Yes.” He huffed.

Spencer giggled. “Well, it's a good thing I don't mind singing your praises.” He ran a hand along Robbie's side, gripping and grasping. “I love the way your body is, long and soft and curvy... Like other things.”

Robbie felt himself flushing but couldn't look away from the dreamy look focused on him, as if Spencer didn't even need to look to see him.

“I've been dreaming about you for so long, it still feels like a dream every time we touch.” Spencer's had moved back up to stroke his face with a sigh. “I even liked your silly old face.”

“Well I'm glad you fixed it so I don't have to pretend that I'm handsome anymore.”

“Handsome isn't just about looks you know.”

“Well it certainly doesn't hurt.” He gestured to Spencer in explanation.

He laughed again. “Outer beauty is superficial.”

“Bullshit, bone structure is an important component.”

Spencer was really laughing now. “You're so funny, and fun, it's why the kids love you too!”

Robbie finally managed to look away. “Don't talk about them while you're naked.” He whined.

“Promise.” He continued to laugh. “So how is your ego feeling now?”

Robbie shrugged, unable to keep a smile off his face.

“Well then it's time for me to get hands on again.”

 

~

 

The drive back went a lot more smoothly than the way out. They had fun crooning to the radio, even playing the red light game like teenagers.

As soon as they arrived, Spencer leapt out of the car and took off in a series of impressive looking tumbles and leaps. Robbie stared after him with a soft smile.

“Wow, it's true, you really are in love.” Stephanie startled him.

“Just because we're fucking doesn't mean we're in love.” Robbie hissed. “Do you love the boy you're fucking?!”

Stephanie looked around surreptitiously. “Not really no.”

Robbie straightened, feeling a touch guilty for snapping at her.

“Sportacus!” She interrupted, leaping at the hero to hug him. “Or do you prefer Spencer now?”

“Well I'm getting used to it but... Changing names can be confusing.”

“Sportacus was never your real name was it?”

“No, no it wasn't, but I liked how excited kids were to say it.” He smiled wistfully. “I'm probably not going to be able to use it after this am I?”

“Probably not.” Stephanie patted his shoulder sympathetically. “But you are always going to be Sportacus to me.”

“Thank you, Stephanie.” He gave her another brisk hug, before turning to where Pixel had finally made his appearance. “Hello Pixel, I was hoping to talk to both of you.” Both young adults paled, and Spencer only laughed. “You're just as embarrassed as the first time I gave you the lessons.”

Neither of them spoke and looked down at their feet.

“You really don't need to be embarrassed, it's a perfectly normal and healthy activity.”

“Stop teasing the kids.” Robbie grumbled. “We have more important business to attend to.”

Spencer's face fell a touch as they headed into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put a pretty notable piece of foreshadowing in here.
> 
> Also the phone call thing is a thing that people do. Sports wasn't trying to perv but was wondering why.


	9. Leaving the Ordinary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M SAILING AWAAAAAY
> 
> The end of the beginning, the story shifts into it's next form.
> 
> Also I am sorry, but this will be the last time Sportacus' name changes, I'm so sorry but it's just me being a stickler.

“Where's Trixie?” Spencer asked as everyone got comfortable and he exercised while speaking.

“She's been weird about things lately.” Pixel said perplexed.

“Yeah.” Stephanie agreed noncommittally, Spencer noticed her reluctance and realized that there was more going on, but before he could ask about it Robbie began to speak.

“So what findings have you discovered so far Pixel, Spencer give Stephanie the photos.”

They worked over their information, doing their best to coordinate correlations.

 

Robbie had broached the subject of Animal testing and the group was debating the ethics when Trixie arrived.

“Glad to see you guys back in town. Stingy didn't even notice the car was gone.”

“You mean we stole his car?”

“Technically I did but you're all my accomplices so.” She shrugged casually. “Anyway, what are we arguing about this time?”

“Animal testing.” Pixel provided wearily.

“Which we are not going to do, it's cruel!”

“But there are human lives at risk, that we could save, we might even find a cure!” Pixel shot back.

Spencer and Robbie had elected to stop participating some time before and were glad for the interruption.

Trixie seemed thoughtful and shrugged. “We should do it. I took a class one time on the subject.”

“That makes it three against two.” Pixel said triumphantly.

Spencer sighed. “That it is. Just be very careful, I don't want any of you to get sick.”

“I can't believe you guys!” Stephanie shouted, storming out.

 

Naturally the lab would be set up in Robbie's old bunker, but this led to their next hurdle. “Where are we supposed to live now? Your airship is gone and I don't want to go down there.”

Spencer was very notably surprised. “I admit that I hadn't thought about it yet.”

“I doubt Pixel will let us keep stealing his bed. The research could take a few months. Íþróttaálfurinn might come back looking for us, I'm worried about the kids if he does.”

“I didn't think about that either.”

“You realize that we would be dead if Glanni hadn't decided to let us go.”

“I've been trying not to think about that.”

“The kids can handle the mundane studies, it's not hard. The turnover with mouse lifespans ought to be quick enough to get results before people start dying, maybe they even will find an antidote. But we know that this is magic, we don't want them to know that, and this magic is beyond either of us.”

“You're going going somewhere with this.” Spencer was eyeing him critically. “I get the feeling I won't like it.”

“We need someone better with magic than we are. I have contacts with the Unseelie but they're untrustworthy at best, even when there is not a genocidal maniac in charge.”

“You want me to get in contact with my people.”

“Assuming that you have people who you can trust with this. Besides that, this is critical.”

“Yeah, we need all the help we can get.” Spencer sighed and realized how much he'd been doing so lately and grimaced. “We're going to have to sail there. I hope you don't get seasick.”

Robbie scowled. “So we need a boat.”

“When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow would be best, but no more than a week.”

They held one last town meeting, giving them the briefest of explanation, with warnings about compliance with the doubles. They were evasive in their answers, explaining that they would be staying with Spencer's family, though this was the last opportunity that he was able to use the name Sportacus. A town member offered the use of a small sailboat and he expressed not only thanks but relief that he would not need to build one himself.

 

It was getting on towards evening when they were finally able to launch their craft, loaded with only the most basic of necessities, and safety gear, floatation vests which remained strapped to the deck at all times. It was only after they had been sailing a few hours, Robbie spending most of it at the bow, watching the horizon and trying not to heave that he noticed that Spencer was agitated.

“What's wrong with you?”

“I probably should have said something earlier, but you were very clear about the importance of this mission and this is the only route that will take us there. This isn't the best time of year for sailing in the region and the path is fraught with other dangers. I'm reasonably confident in my skills, but it will be risky.”

“Well risky is better than being sitting ducks, waiting for our evil twins to murder us.”

Spencer laughed. “You do have a way with words.”

Robbie gave a theatrical bow, and then had to struggle with his stomach.

 

Spencer reached into their galley and pulled out an apple. He had given Robbie the basic rundown of sailing operations and trusted that he would be able to fulfill his shift easily. So he figured it was time for him to turn in, flopping onto the small below deck space, only to hear a suspicious squeak as his weight landed atop a bag that was supposed to be full of blankets.

“Stephanie! What are you doing here?!”

“I'm sorry, I just wanted to get away for awhile.”

“It's dangerous!”

“I know, I heard you talking to Robbie.”

“We have a stowaway then.” Robbie stood in the short doorway, silhouetted against the fading twilight.

“I'm afraid so.” Spencer groaned.

“You're not going to take me back are you?”

The men shared a tense look. “I wish I could.” Spencer said sadly. “But it would take an extra day off our journey and time is of the essence.”

“Well, at least it means that we can add another shift to our rotation.” Robbie offered gruffly. “Get up here Pinkie, and mind the rigging, we gotta get you tied down so you don't go overboard.”

“Take my vest, I won't need it as much while I'm sleeping and I am the most capable in the water without.” Spencer offered. Stephanie nodded and took it, looking serious.

He stirred briefly near dawn as a chilly Robbie snuggled up next to him, and when he awoke later he found Stephanie looking thoughtful sitting on the bow.

She smiled at him as he came to sit next to her.

They didn't speak as they watched the sunrise.

“So you are an elf.” She confirmed, he hadn't bothered with a hat as it was unlikely that they would see anyone on the voyage. He only nodded. “Can you tell me about it?”

“I ought to as you are about to enter one of their settlements.” He put a hand to his mouth. “What do you want to know?”

“How old are you, really?”

“Older than I look, probably younger than you think.”

“You're going to be frustratingly vague aren't you?”

“I'm not trying to be, I'm just not sure what kind of details are of interest.” He shrugged. “I know, since you were curious anyway and it will be important when we arrive, my 'real’ name as you were saying is Alex. You might hear me called many other things as elves are very fond of titles and have many conceits.”

“What's it like there?”

“It's Avalon, out of the mists, full of apples, a small piece of paradise hidden and protected by magic. When we get closer you will start to see how it is hidden.”

“Since they hide themselves, won't they be unhappy that I'm there?”

“Humans end up there more often than you'd think. If it weren't for that there probably wouldn't be any elves left.”

“What about Robbie?”

“Hmm? Oh, well he's a half elf. Ish. He hasn't gone into detail about it.”

“So what are the other elves going to do about your evil self's plans?”

“I honestly have no idea.”

“I should start calling you Alex then?”

“Yeah. It's going to be a bit before I hear it without cringing though. It reminds me of being a child and I was something of a trouble maker.”

“You?! A trouble maker?”

He shrugged. “By elf standards.”

“Aren't elves supposed to be kind of tricky though?”

“It depends on the elf. As you might imagine most of the ones who have more interaction with humans are generally outcasts of Elven society.”

“Oh.” They were quiet for a bit, before Stephanie remembered. “What happened to Robbie's face?”

“A lot of things. The way he was before was plastic surgery. I undid most of it.”

“Magic?”

“Yeah.”

“How does it work? Can you teach me?”

“I suppose that I can give it a try.”

She learned the basics of gathering, transferring and the concepts of energy flow, but when she began to yawn he sent her to sleep.

 

Robbie resurfaced some time later. “Warn me next time before you do that.” He snapped.

“Do what?”

“Send a child to snuggle me.”

“I'm sorry, I forget that you don't like to be touched.”

“Not without warning.” He grumbled more gently.

He sat down and they held hands. Then the elf remembered to speak up. “Right, I know that you were just starting to get used to calling me Spencer, but we're going to my family's home and they all know me by Alex.”

“Why didn't you just tell me that when I told you that you couldn't call yourself Sportacus anymore?!”

Alex flushed. “You know about names... And also, like I told Stephanie, it reminds me of being a child.”

“You told Pinkie before you told me?”

“It slipped my mind.”

Robbie huffed and went to help himself to rations.

 

“How long is this trip going to take?” Stephanie asked when she woke up later.

“If things stay as nice as this, just a few days more, if it turns poorly, a few weeks.”

“Or we all die at sea.” Robbie offered helpfully.

“We won't die at sea Robbie.”

“Better knock on wood.”

The weather of course did not agree and the next day was spent sailing across choppy swells as sleet poured down upon the tiny vessel. As much as possible they tried to keep themselves sealed in the very small cabin, and were quick to slip in and out in thick layers and waterproofing.

“I'm sorry I replaced some of the blankets, I didn't realize that we were going to go through so many.” Stephanie whimpered.

“Don't worry so much, I think that your body heat will be a roughly equivalent exchange.” Alex reassured her. Robbie grumbled.

For three days it stormed, and Robbie was miserable. He was at his worst, growling and snapping at the slightest provocation. He was nauseous, hungry and thirsty all at once as their little ship skimmed along the waves. It was virtually impossible to stay out of one another's way, so Stephanie and Alex did their best to be silent.

The seas were still rough and clouds skidded across the side, but the sailing was smooth enough that Robbie was able to sleep through the whole day, and upon waking was in somewhat better spirits. They finally resumed regular shifts Alex had the mornings, Stephanie the afternoons and Robbie the dark nights.

They mostly navigated by the stars when visible, Alex warning that their instrumentation would begin to become unreliable the closer they came to the Elf lands. Although they expressed a reasonable amount of concern over their novice navigational skills, Alex reassured them that he could intrinsically find his way. Even Robbie began to sense as they grew nearer and within five days, Stephanie began to see the kinds of sights which suggested magical explanation.

It was on the seventh day that they were boarded. It was tense as Alex reasoned with the guards, arguing in Elvish. Robbie could follow enough of the conversation to hear that he was claimed as family, Stephanie as their adopted daughter and themselves as husbands. It made him flush, but he tried to be unnoticed as much as possible. He felt like he wasn't approved of, but he wasn't sure if it was because he was male, half elf, or linked with dark magic.

Fortunately they were soon on their way being escorted into a glittering harbor. Stephanie wondered why Alex wasn't more excited to go home, and Robbie was jumpier than usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready to meet some flipping elves and hear embarrassing anecdotes about baby Sport?
> 
> I suppose we might even talk about the prior generations.
> 
> According to my shitty math the voyage took them 12 days. I didn't thoroughly study sailing. Make of it what you will.


	10. Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a fairly short chapter, just settling things in. Alex has a wonderful family, cottage elves and only a little business is done.

Stephanie was in awe, the way that every structure seamlessly twined with the natural surroundings. Despite being a natural palette the colors glowed richly, sunlight sparkling through every surface. Wood gleamed in rich reds, ambers or yellows, each leaf an emerald, fruits like rubies. The elves were graceful people in elegant flowing clothing, carrying themselves with an unconscious regality. These people were ethereal and unlike human crowds nearly totally androgynous, with no clear delineations between masculine or feminine, a spectrum of ideas she felt she could spend years watching and only skim the surface of the meanings.

Everything felt more alive, even though the elves themselves moved leisurely with great patience and purpose. Except for Sporta- Alex. The sports elf was stiff and fidgeting, eyes darting as he strode forward, she'd known him long enough to recognize his anxiety. She considered the saying of books and their covers, trying to sober herself from the awe inspiring wonder around her.

Robbie was not handling the experience well either, despite the near blinding light of the place, it still filled him with uncanny echoes of the dark paths in his youth. He knew enough about elves to recognize that they were being stared at, and with no small amount of scorn and disdain. He was at least glad that Stephanie was oblivious. It would take awhile before her direct human experience could start to pick up on the subtleties of Elven conceit.

Alex opened the door to his family home with more force than was necessary, and received sharp looks from his grandparents. He winced. “Hello.” He offered apologetically. They had soon recovered from surprise and rushed him with hugs and questions as Robbie and Stephanie entered behind him.

Stephanie understood nothing of the rapid fire conversation, guessing that the shouting was to call for family members in other parts of the home. Even Robbie was lost trying to follow the speed of the words the flood of questions. More elves started to crowd into the room, joining the growing hug, and somehow Alex was able to greet and respond to each one, happy tears rolling down his and many other faces. Despite trying to keep his distance Robbie soon found himself engulfed by the crowd and Stephanie had long since disappeared into the fold.

It was at least ten minutes later that the crowd dispersed, young elves dashing off to no doubt spread the news of the prodigal son’s return. Finally Alex returned to his traveling companions, taking each of their hands and bringing them forward. If the one he took to be a grandfather was eerily familiar with his thick van dyke style facial hair, Robbie knew that the man he assumed must be Alex’s father was Lazy Town’s former 9. The hero seemed to recognize him to with a suspicious narrowing of the eyes.

If not for his lover’s hand in his he would have bolted. As it was he flinched. Stephanie was bouncing as the mothers fawned over her.

Finally, Alex looked at him and he could relax. He desperately wanted to kiss his love and ignore the outside world, to retreat to a place where it was just the two of them. The elf touched his face gently before explaining to his family that Robbie was weary from his journey and needed to rest. Robbie felt tears prick in his eyes, so glad for the rescue.

Stephanie was amused to see Robbie and Alex head out of the room, for privacy no doubt. The elves of Alex's family were a great deal more lively than those they had seen in the town square. After considering her words carefully, she told them so. They all chuckled before the grandmother explained. “We are of course wood elves, our family is one of those who tend the trees and forest animals, we need a bit more energy than those who focus on fine crafting or archival work.”

“So... Elves have a caste system?”

“Oh Lords of the Forest, no.” Alex’s mother interjected. “We just tend to be traditional. Plenty of our family has reached out into other professions and many elves dabble in a little bit of everything.” Stephanie found herself immensely relieved with this explanation.

“So our dear Alex says that you have an interest and a knack for magic, would you do this old woman the pleasure of reading yours?” The grandmother asked.

Stephanie nodded, eagerly offering her hands.

The old elf woman smiled warmly. “Yes, yes I can see it, he's quite right about you, a healer's spirit.”

“Tell us more about what our Alex has been up to in all these years, we worry when he doesn't visit often.” 

Stephanie was glad to regale them of tales about his time and work in Lazy Town and was delighted to learn that he had been following in the footsteps of his father and grandfather.

Alex wasn't surprised when Robbie fell asleep after only a few minutes of canoodling, and was very pleased to see Stephanie bonding happily with his family. He trusted that she would keep the worrying current events to herself in the meantime as had been explained during their journey.

“I'm going to see Shalafi Sang. I could be gone awhile but I will come back for supper.”

It had been a very long time since he had seen his teacher, and he was worried about how the older man would take the news on top of the subject of reconciliation. Alex had been one of Sang’s most promising pupils until an accident in a sparring match led to him swearing off the fighting arts forever, shortly followed by his leaving Avalon to explore the human world.

The old man had him wait and Alex struggled to maintain the appropriate state of restful meditation. The old elf, who bore the strong features of Chinese descent arrived with a pot of tea. Alex desperately tried to keep his calm as they exchanged the traditional pleasantries and tea.

“You're as restless as ever.” Sang spoke, finally signaling that it was time to discuss business.

“Something terrible has happened.”

“Something terrible is always happening. You will have to be more specific.”

Alex was desperately missing the directness of speaking to human children. “My friend was performing unstable magic, and a pair of dark warriors took advantage to arrive in our world from another. They look very similar to us, but harbor dark goals. My double, who calls himself by many names, including my old identity among the humans, has decided upon a plot to eradicate humanity and wipe out every sign of their civilization.”

“There are some who would argue that a noble goal.”

“We need humans. Despite the wrongs they have committed, they are the only ones who can fix their own problems. They are still learning and growing, they know so much.” Alex took a breath. “They have made mistakes, just as all mortals must, but they have been learning from those mistakes. They have learned so much, and all without the assistance of magic. They have learned the hard way that wiping out a species will radically alter an ecosystem, the same and worse will happen if we were to immediately eradicate them.”

“You have learned a great deal while living in the human world.”

“Yes, I have.”

 

~

 

Robbie was understandably grumpy, tired, dirty and surrounded by a bustling household of hyperactive elves. It was so overwhelming that he was actually pleased to see Stephanie, another human trapped amidst the chaos. He noted that she was dressed in clean clothes and was freshly bathed, so he inquired as to whether he could be directed to similar amenities.

The family bath was exquisite, a carved Boulder of marble, surrounded by blends of fruit and flower oils. Robbie soaked in rose water, enjoying the luxury of the hot water and a tub large enough that he could sprawl his long limbs. It was so relaxing that he again fell asleep.

 

“Robbie, the water is cold.” Alex was naked, smiling at him as he pulled the plug to refill it with clean hot water. Robbie grumbled and sat up a bit, realizing as Alex wiggled in next to him why the bath was so large. He was not overly surprised considering the size of Alex's family.

“I'm too tired for sex.” Robbie grumbled, as Alex's hands began to wander.

“That's fine, but bathing is more fun when you have someone to help scrub your hard to reach places.” He pulled out and foamed up a sponge as the tub began to refill, and slowly Robbie woke up, sharing the chore as they explored each other's bodies in a different kind of intimacy.

After being freshly bathed and clothed in extremely comfortable outfits they joined the rest of the large family just in time for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The elf politics begin next time.


	11. The Heart of the Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not quite as much politics as expected but a solid chapter if a little short.

It attracted some interest as Robbie, Alex, Sang and the two mages who ran the magic academy sought out the small modern human craft in the harbor. Although the mages tried to cast a preventative dampening spell, there was a collective gasp when the sealed canister of Smart Snack Sportscandy™ surfaced from where it had been sunk in tow behind the ship, the cleansing powers of sea water having hidden it from detection. The group then hurried back to the academy, not pausing to give any explanation.

“I'm very glad that you decided to bring this to us. It is particularly potent and vile magic at work at play in this. It transmutes energy into several different forms, leeching from the body into the earth, out of consumed nutrition, and I am assuming into the reserves of the one behind this. If he were not standing here before me and clearly incapable of such a feat, I would have this halfling put to death. The magical signature is nearly indistinguishable and I can only assume that the man who draws strength from this concoction is near identical to yours.” The Archmage evaluated brusquely.

Robbie bristled but Alex gestured for him to hold his tongue while the mages conferred.

“It's possible that we can begin working on counterspells and breaking down the arcane makeup which powers it, but it will take weeks at the very least. How common is this substance in the human world now?” Asked the Matron of the healing arts.

“I'm not sure but the area where I was had become fairly saturated in the space of a week and they have been increasing production, with intent for a global distribution. We have not been in contact with the human world since we departed a week and a half ago. We don't know how bad it could be now.” Alex explained.

“That is incredibly worrying, I'm glad that you brought this to our attention as soon as you could, I know that this can't have been easy for you.” The Matron offered gently. “If you need to, I would be glad to help with anything you might need.”

“I'll keep that in mind.” Alex agreed. They left the mages to handle the poison and Sang accompanied them on their way until they passed his school for warriors. Robbie let out a sigh as the elder elf left them, and then popped a candy in his mouth, taking a moment to savor it. “Be careful with that.” Alex warned. “It's contraband.”

“Won't be the first time.”

“I don't know what you're planning to do when you run out.” Alex was clearly concerned.

“I’ve been weaning myself off for the last few weeks. I knew that I wouldn't have a fresh supply here.”

“I'm glad to hear you're giving it up.”

“When we get back to civilization I will have as much as I want whenever I want!” He insisted boastfully. A little quieter he added. “I don't want to be addicted anymore though.”

“I'm very proud of you Robbie.”

“Yeah, I know, you schmuck.”

“So what would you like to do now?” Alex asked carefully. “We could try sailing back... Or we could stay here.”

“I'm never sailing again if I can help it.” Robbie sneered.

“We can probably fix up one of the old family airships.”

“I want to see how the mages deal with the poison.”

“So what shall we do in the meantime, vacation?” He did not say honeymoon but the thought occurred to him.

“I feel like you've already decided something.”

“Well yes, but I want to know what you want.”

“Lay around in bed all day and do nothing.”

“I think you would get bored.”

“Bah, I'm sure you'd find some way to bother me.”

“Undoubtedly.”

“So what are you going to do?” Robbie asked finally.

“Train with Sang, resume my martial education. I understand now that I have to be able to fight to protect those who can't protect themselves.”

“You're such a sap.” Robbie snorted.

 

They returned to Alex's home to find Stephanie teaching a gaggle of Elven children her Bing Bang song and dance. Alex eagerly joined in, and after rolling his eyes, Robbie let himself join in on the fun. Afterwards the kids fell into a giggling pile, some trying to show off their own dance moves, others cuddling like puppies to nap. Perhaps more like kittens as small rumbling purrs vibrated through the pile.

“Why are there so many children in your house?”

“Cousins, neighbors.” Alex shrugged, eyes closed and purring himself. Robbie felt something sharp inside of him struggling to escape. He wanted to run away screaming, but another part of him never wanted to leave this soft and warm gathering. The innocence and blind trust of mere babies leaning close to him. Robbie closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, realizing that a part of him was desperately straining to purr but his throat was choked.

Stephanie wiggled through the pile to the other side of Alex and told them excitedly. “Your grandmother said that I can join the magic school and learn at the academy to become a healer and practice magic like you! How long can we stay?”

“We'll be here a few weeks at least.”

Robbie turned his face into Alex's neck as he felt hot tears tracking down his face, trying to choke down his sobs. Alex did not draw any attention to the change, simply stroking his hair as he continued to talk slowly.

Gradually Robbie's smothered sobs broke into shaky breathing and then broken purrs, squeezing himself to Alex like his life depended on it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex asked later, after they were alone in their room together.

“No.” Robbie grumbled miserably, before taking a bracing breath. “But I'm going to anyway. I need you to be quiet and just listen.” Alex nodded and squeezed him gently.

Taking a moment to get comfortable and focus his breathing he began to speak.

 

“My earliest memories are of literal darkness, a hell of screams and shouts, moaning and sobbing. I remember being there constantly, it was the only constant I knew. I was property. I knew my mother belonged to my father.” Robbie's body shuddered. “I'm glad that he preferred his time with her without sight of me, though as a child those moments were the worst for me, and the foundation of my hatred for him. As I grew older I began to understand that she was being hurt. She can't have been fully human or she would have been dead.

“She did die, eventually, and alone in that pit I began to be put to work. I wish that my body had been broken by the hard labor I started with, but somehow my father decided that I was a pretty boy, as my mother had been his favorite.

“The Unseelie operate in cooperation with the human underworld. Human trafficking is a bustling industry and the Unseelie make sure to impede the progress of mundane efforts to stop it. Drugs are popular, and firearms, weapons in general.

“There's a lot that magic can't do, and so the Unseelie have used humanity to bridge the gaps, using deals, contracts, or even outright control.

“Crime was my only avenue of escape. I went from the dark of the pit to the gloom of neon lights, currying favor with whoever I felt could steal me away. I earned a lot of favors. I owed more.

“When I escaped I never felt like I got away. I ran for years, doing anything I could to survive. It was a narrow thing. When I first found my bunker in Lazy Town I thought that I had died, or had been recaptured by my enemies.

“Eventually I recovered, such as it was, and kept to myself. Your father was rather pushy and I mostly took to hiding when he was around. His magic burned me. I feared you at first, sure that you would have that same aura, that you would turn it on me, burn the darkness out of me, and then there would be nothing left of me. Then I began to crave it. I vacillated wildly between wanting you to destroy me, or wanting to get rid of you so that I could forget what it was like to feel.

“Seeing you hurt me, because I could feel again, and feel something other than the pain I was accustomed to, and that made me ache all the more.

Robbie stopped, eyes staring, not sure what was left to say. Alex pulled him closer and started to purr. After several long moments, Robbie's rusty purr joined his.

 

~

 

“If everyone else is going to go off and train, then it is only right that I too learn to work mightier crafts.” Robbie declared, having taken a shine to his new elven wardrobe and determined to improve himself for the battle he knew was coming.

The first day at the academy was spent testing against and assessing their skills compared to the class levels. The matron quickly took Stephanie under her wing, but Robbie ended up in a private interview with the Archmage.

“I know you are weak, but your double’s talents alone speak to your potential. Show me what you can do.”

Uneasily, Robbie first teleported across the room, and then spun to reconfigure his outfit into a different costume. He withered under the assessing glare of the old professor.

“No instruction at all, wholly self taught from observations of dark magic.” The old elf spat.

Robbie stood his ground, but couldn't think of words to defend himself against the summation.

“You'll need to get individual training. I'm much too busy with the project you brought here, but I think that there is one of our faculty who might agree to take you on.”

 

~

 

Sang took Alex first into his office, and made him square up opposite him. “Hit me.” He ordered.

Alex hesitated before throwing a swing as if he was throwing a ball. Sang slapped his hand to the side with a stinging impact. “I said to hit me. We are not playing.”

Alex tried again, clenching his fist tighter, but but again his hand was diverted with another effortless slap. “I'm not going to be able to hit you if you keep blocking.” He whined.

“You're never going to hit me because you have no follow through. When you hit someone, you do not aim for the point of impact. You must hit beyond your target, your force passing through them.” To prove his point he hit Alex's chest with hardly a tap knocking him to the floor. “Get up. Try again.”

This time, Alex knew that his fist would be struck, so he tried a different approach, using his second hand to grab his master's wrist and pull. Alex hit the wall.

“That was not a hit. But clever, you are learning. Come, we will start you with the children so that you might learn how to strike properly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robbie's youth like https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pf6bQRFTZZ4


	12. The Problem of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was too much fun writing a trio of grumps pretending to get along. Isan is based on my favorite OC. Enjoy your fluff. We're starting to move towards the darkness.

“You're even shorter than Alex.” Robbie snorted as he was introduced to a sour faced man. A hand knocked the wind out of the tall man and he crumpled, wheezing.

“Isan, this is Robbie, Robbie, this is Isan. Be respectful and if you are lucky he will agree to train you. He is the only other person with the capacity to do so.”

“You want me to train this oaf?” Isan snorted. Robbie looked up at the stocky man and took note of his features. His skin was an odd shade Robbie could only describe as ashen, sharp, springy black hair was tied back at his nape, and his facial features were South East Asian. He was muscular for a mage, but his physique less balanced than Alex's, as well as heavier.

“Someone needs to do it. Depending on how research goes he might be the only person who can unravel it. He’s also self taught so I figured you would have the most expertise in schooling him to effective techniques and understanding.” The Archmage stated this blandly, but Robbie could tell that the superior was playing to the other man’s ego.

“Get up.” The short man ordered, kicking a toe into Robbie's side, enough to smart but not to injure.

Robbie did his best not to make a scene as he pulled himself to his feet under the cold glare of two men who put his own dourness to task. “I'm sorry for being rude.” He apologized gruffly. “I've spent a lot of time alone and tend to speak whatever thought flits past my mind.”

“That's a considerable vulnerability.” Isan noted.

The Archmage left without a word.

“I don't mind candor, but most elves expect discretion. I won't force you to bow to me but many will take greater offense to disrespect. I don't have time for that bullshit.”

“What bullshit do you have time for?” Robbie asked.

“Apparently yours.” There was a hint of blue in the man’s dark eyes and he smiled dryly. Despite himself Robbie felt himself taking a liking to this short ill tempered man.

 

~

 

Alex was at first cautious but soon learned that following through with force did not correlate with the power of the force. He was afraid of hurting the children at first, but soon learned that he could knock them down with a gentle push. However they did not hold back for his sake and by the end of the day, he came home spotted with bruises from tiny fists.

Robbie felt similarly pummeled in a mental sense and practically collapsed into bed with hands pressed to his temples.

Stephanie was as usual in perfectly good spirits, eagerly chattering with the young elves about her homework and discussing their own.

The second day better established the expected routine. Isan pushed Robbie to do as much as possible, but intuitively kept him from overextending himself.

Alex had always been a quick learner, especially in the subject of physical exertions. He tested through the classes of children quickly, establishing his skill bases as sparring partners helped to sharpen his awareness and responses.

Stephanie took great joy in learning her new craft, especially as her duties expanded from mere study to practical applications, such as learning to create herbal concoctions, treat simple conditions and even learning to help things grow.

Two weeks passed and the academy mages had not yet discovered any actionable solutions, but were making progress in unraveling the complex structure of the magic therein.

Robbie and Alex grew closer, the whole family bonded with the visitors, practicing each other's languages. Robbie began to purr more easily, becoming more comfortable and gentle with the children. It was all going so well that he was quick to notice when Alex started behaving oddly.

He made a point of trying to talk to Alex about any problems bothering him, trying to ease anxieties about the situation in the world outside, and even though he didn't have a great deal of faith in it, pointed out that the Seelie seemed to be on their side.

Robbie was sulking when he came across Stephanie sharing a similar pout in a less traveled corner of the home. “What's troubling you, Pinkie?”

“Missing my friends, worrying how they're doing without us, if they're even safe.”

“Mad about the break up too I'd guess.”

Stephanie groaned. “I... I messed up, getting involved with Pixel. I knew he liked me since forever, and even though I didn't really feel the same way, I felt like maybe if I tried it the rest would fall into place.” She kicked her toes. “It wasn't bad, he's a nice guy and I enjoyed myself, but I just didn't feel anything for him.”

She gave Robbie a conspiratorial look. “I think I only agreed to date him because Trixie was teasing me about being a virgin.” She scowled. “And then as soon as I broke up with Pixel, she started dating him!”

“It sounds like you're jealous.” Robbie noted, a part of him wondered why he was bothering to listen to a child’s romantic problems, but he admitted that he cared about the girl, and recognized that she had grown into a confident young woman.

“Yeah... But I don't think I'm jealous of the right person.” She mumbled.

“And what does that mean?”

“Trixie drives me crazy, it's like she's always trying to rile everyone up, just to cause trouble.” She gave Robbie another carefully considered look. “It reminds me of how you acted honestly. Like she was just trying to get attention. I think... I think now I realize, that she was trying to get my attention.”

Robbie gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “I know it's hard, especially because some of us don't know how to communicate or be direct like the rest of you, but I think it's important to try and focus on what you do know, what we do say, what we really mean and when we're being honest.”

“It's pretty confusing.”

“That's life.” Robbie smiled. “Speaking of confusing do you have any idea what my elf is so agitated about?” 

Stephanie's sparkling grin confirmed it. “I can't believe he still hasn't worked up the nerve to ask you.”

“Ask me what?” Robbie insisted.

The girl just gave him a wink and stood up. “Don't worry about it, thanks for the advice, and I think you should take it to heart yourself.”

“Well that was pointless.” Robbie grumbled, folding into himself and naturally slipping into a nap on the bench in an awkward position. He didn't stir until he felt arms slip around him.

“That can't be comfortable.” Alex chuckled softly.

Robbie stretched and yawned, sadistically delighting at the way Alex winced in response to the awful cracking of his joints. Sometimes he pushed his luck to see how difficult he could make it for Alex to keep a hold on him, but for now he snuggled back into the grip. “So Pinkie says that you have something to ask me.” He watched the elf through his eyelashes as Alex froze mid step, face flushing red.

“S-she did? What did she say exactly?”

“Only that, I'm afraid, but she assured me that you would get around to it eventually.”

“Yes, later.” Alex's ears looked like they were on fire.

“How many laters have you promised yourself now?”

“Too many.” Alex admitted.

“I'm a professional procrastinator, you can't just put something off and expect it to get better, it always gets worse. The sooner you nip it in the bud the easier.” Robbie explained casually, buffing his nails.

Alex passed through the threshold and set Robbie on their bed, closing the door behind him. Robbie crossed his legs and leaned back as if disinterested. Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before crouching at Robbie's feet, taking one of his hands into both of his.

“Robbie... I know that this might seem a little sudden but... We've known each other for so long... And the last few weeks, every moment I spend with you feels like the most important of my life.”

Robbie couldn't pretend to be anything other than transfixed on the clear blue eyes. So much so that he hardly noticed a hand disappear to materialize with a small box.

“Robbie Rotten, will you marry me?”

He stopped breathing. The world stopped. Everything disappeared besides the blue of the sunniest summer sky. The kiss felt like being struck by lightning as their lips crashed together, sensation washed away in a wave of warmth.

The sheer joy on Alex's face about killed him, and Robbie cleared his throat. “I thought that we already were. I didn't have the greatest grasp of Elvish when we came here, but I do know the word for husband.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want you all to appreciate the sheer amount of will power it took for me not to upload two different troll endings to this. The first would of course have been a Rick roll, and the second would have been to have Robbie fuck everything up for the angst, but they're past that point now.
> 
> They'll have their angst fights soon enough about other things.
> 
> And yes, I had Stephanie's romance troubles planned from the beginning. The smaller the group of friends the more dramatic relationships are. I'd say Ziggy is lucky that he avoided it but... Also not mentioned here but Trixie dated Stingy before he moved to the city.


	13. Bells Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sportarobbie Wedding, enough fluff to gag a hate beast
> 
> I picture Alex's singing more like this https://youtu.be/6ThQkrXHdh4
> 
> And for Robbie https://youtu.be/vGJTaP6anOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This tumblr post is totes canon  
> http://fantastalec.tumblr.com/post/155056967187/sportabean-themysteryhack-if-that-isnt-the

Robbie was conflicted, on one hand he was ecstatic about all the excitement and attention being lavished upon him. On the other he was terrified of all the excitement and attention being lavished upon him. Alex's family was overjoyed that their son had decided to coordinate an elven marriage ceremony for their sake. Robbie half suspected that they were aware the two hadn't actually already been married, but the Wood Elves seemed to be less strict about many customs. Most of the women seemed to be supporting him, while Alex was the subject of many a lecture. Robbie had asked at one point why they were showing him such favor and his soon to be Mother in law's response left him overwhelmed with sobs in her embrace.

“Your family isn't here for you, so we must make sure that you know that we will work twice as hard to make sure you feel like part of ours.”

It was impossible for Robbie not to get carried away with the planning, being eagerly enabled at every corner in choices of colors, decorations, clothing and flowers, even Elven confectionaries. There would also be libations but Robbie was pretty sure that he’d be much too giddy as it was.

Alex was in good humor about all the fuss, mostly excited to tell Robbie about all the extended family members who were coming to visit. Normally the thought of so many extra people around would have sent him screaming for the hills, but all he could focus on was how happy he was, especially to know that he was causing such happiness to the man he loved.

 

Unlike most of Robbie's plans, the ceremony went off without a hitch, or perhaps he was just too blinded by his groom to notice anything going wrong. They exchanged vows as the sun set in the harbor, and the clear night brought a full moon shining down on the celebration. Robbie had never danced so much in his life, whirled through the arms of so many people and crying freely with tears of joy to know that this was his family now. Stephanie had been an especially enthusiastic participant, revealing that she had kept her phone off to conserve battery on their trip, and used all of it's resources to take videos and photos as well as play a few songs.

Alex and Robbie awed the crowd as they sang 'Can't help falling in love’ to one another, eyes never breaking contact. Stephanie had shared a few Disney tunes, and the children were eager to hear the stories the love songs had originated from.

There were a lot of tears, laughs, songs, dancing, gifts, food, drinks and merriment, but in time the celebration began to disperse. Alex's mother assured them that they would handle the mess and added that she had soundproofed their room for then with a wink. Without a second’s hesitation, Alex lifted his newly married spouse, and carried him back to their boudoir, his pace jaunty. 

 

Robbie groaned at the intensity of his new husband's kisses, the way he was almost roughly thrown into the bed after the door slammed behind them. It was incredibly hot, the way Alex seemed to burn.

“Mine.” The elf growled into his throat, and Robbie whimpered in want.

“I hadn't thought you to be so possessive.”

“I didn't want to scare you away.” Alex grinned hungrily. “But you accepted me, you want me.” He was kissing passionately and Robbie was getting dizzy, either from the heat of arousal or shortage of air.

“You sound like the greedy kid.” Robbie teased.

“I thought that you never wanted to talk about them in bed.” Alex teased, nipping at an ear as he tore through Robbie's clothing to run his hands across his chest.

“I just thought it an interesting comparison, how you want to claim me so badly.”

“You have no idea.” Alex ground the heat of his erection against Robbie's thigh with a groan. “I love your ass,” He began to grab it firmly, rubbing against it, before stripping it bare to his touch. He dug his nails in with a measured grip, before following it with a sufficient slap. Robbie delighted in the attention, impressed by his partner's precision, carefully testing the limits of Robbie's pain tolerance and pleasure threshold, even while losing his composure.

The elf was too fast for him to keep up with, Robbie threw his head back in ecstasy as he felt the hot heat and suction of Alex's mouth upon him, sparing the occasional nip at his ass. “I'm going to fuck you Robbie, how do you need it?.” He said finally, standing up. Robbie could barely see through the haze of lust, cock throbbing, wondering when Alex had stripped to the nude.

Robbie rolled onto his belly and lifted his ass. “You'll know. I can take it.”

Alex took him at his word, gripping Robbie's hips to fix him in place, rubbing himself first along the cleft as as he lavished praise on the lovely curves and feel. He began his entry with caution, but Robbie pushed back against him and he sank deep. He took a trembling moment just to adjust to the heat and tightness. “Gods, Robbie.” He leaned over the long lean back of his lover, slipping his hands around in appreciation. “You're so hot, so sexy.” He whined as he began to thrust experimentally, drawing shaky groans from the other man. “You're amazing.” He murmured, gripping Robbie's member and starting to thrust in time with his stroking.

He slowed abruptly as their gasps became sharper, then pushed Robbie down to the mattress. “I want to see your face, I want to watch as we cum together.”

Robbie complied as one of his legs was lifted up and his body rolled, the sensation so intense he felt liable to pass out. “A-Alex.” His heart beat with heavy thumps, knowing the true name of his love.

“Robbie.” The elf agreed, stroking his face. Robbie pushed himself up on the bed to meet his mouth, Alex groaning into the kiss with the way their bodies moved, he sank himself to the depths again and took his time returning to their previous pace. Robbie’s soft expression and flushed face was a sight to savor, the way he was shaking to hold himself up, body trembling to breathe. Alex wrapped his arms around him to lend his strength, as he gave everything.

Robbie had never felt so treasured, so needed as he did in that moment, it wasn't just the heat of the sex, eagerly pushing each other to the brink, allowing himself to utterly submit to his husband's needs, but a roaring fire of belonging in his chest, a security of knowing that he was where he was meant to be. Alex struggled to maintain control, feeling an empathic bond flowing between them in the heat of their passion, the emotional tide nearly washing them away.

“I love you.” They gasped, repeating the words to each other and hardly noticed the flood of their orgasms over the intensity of their emotional connection.

They lay together, clinging tightly as two men in a shipwreck. They kissed erratically, fading in and out of awareness. Slowly the confusion of the love making haze faded, into a clear certainty between them.

“I didn't mean to do that.” Alex laughed weakly.

Robbie wheezed between pants. “Too late now.”

Alex stroked his hair. “I've heard of it happening but...”

Robbie put his hand on his husband's face. “It's rare.”

“Yes.” Alex's eyes were sparkling. “I'm so glad that you opened up for me... I never would have expected... Thank you... For loving me, for trusting me.”

Robbie kissed him softly. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

 

 

It took them about a week to adjust to the new bond. It wasn't quite telepathy and it felt differently from their own emotions, but it heightened their sense of awareness while together, noticing things that the other had missed. They hadn't told anyone about it but they had received enough knowing looks that went beyond congratulating the newlyweds. Mostly they used it to reach out with messages of affection or humor, sometimes simply because they were bored.

It was one such case where Robbie almost fumbled his potion making as Isan announced. “We should go to see Shalafi Sang.” Robbie was worried at first that the man had been reading his mind, preoccupied with flirting with his husband.

Isan seemed to notice the hesitation. “It's all over your face and the link between you two glows. In any case I am not suggesting it so that you can see your sweetheart, but because I feel that you have absorbed enough of the theory and need more time with practice. Learning physical control of your body will assist in your magical control. It's also considerably more dangerous to have magical duels rather than physical sparring.”

 

Alex wondered what surprise Robbie was hiding, and having an increasing amount of difficulty focusing on the class he was in, his body by now performing the requisite movements reflexively. He was totally unaware that he had managed to master the classes.

That was until Sang approached him from behind and he threw the master to the mat, without having realized he'd done so until he was looking down at him in shock. Sang laughed heartily as if he'd been told a great joke. “And here I thought that you were too focused on your mate.”

“He's coming here.” Alex beamed feeling the presence of his husband growing closer and unable to contain the excitement.

“Help an old man to his feet, and then you may greet him.” Alex leaned down and hardly hesitated to twist in the air, landing on his own feet as Sang inevitably had attempted to throw him in kind. Giggling, Alex dashed off.

 

“Watch where you're going you lunk!” Robbie screeched as Alex barreled into him. The elf simply kissed him happily, knowing that despite his huffiness the tall man was delighted with the attention.

Isan gave the two a long suffering glance as he continued onwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what lovely fluff we've been having, so happy, I could just end it right here in a happily ever after right?


	14. Hell is other people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Didn't I say something about Elf Politics awhile back? What was I going to do about that again?

The four men sat in a room around tea, the two teachers exchanging pleasantries as the couple were forced to sit apart from each other and consequently were doing their damnedest to make the other break composure in front of an audience.

“You have both reached a point in your studies where you have shown understanding of the subject, to the point where we feel you are no longer applying yourselves and letting your minds wander. This will not do, so we discussed the options with the Archmage and the Matron. The easiest solution we found is that we will merely switch instructions. Isan can work to occupy Alex's mind with the studies he neglected in his youth, and I shall encourage Robbie to mind his body.” Sang looked pleased with himself. Isan was impassive as ever, and the lovers were nervous.

“We’ll start the first lesson here today, to see if your link is a boon or liability and to what extent. From there you will begin lessons as you have each presently experienced. Especially you Alex, will be held to a higher standard of discipline with additional studies with the Matron. Depending on how events shape the near future, you may even be expected to perform with the Archmage.” Isan’s eyes were cold as he laid out the situation.

“I'll do my best not to disappoint.” Alex offered sombrely.

Isan smiled. “I know.” Alex had to respond instinctively to catch an apple which flew at his face without warning. “I might even have some fun.”

Robbie, who knew Isan's definition of fun, shuddered.

“Well, let’s get to it then.” Sang sprang up from the mat smoothly, leading the way to the private practice room. Isan followed behind as Robbie sulked and Alex remained on alert, bouncing with enthusiasm.

“Stand back to back and face us.” Isan ordered, eyes locked on Alex with a smug grin of challenge.

Sang barked at Robbie about his posture and balance. The tension in the air rose, and Alex flinched as he felt his husband hit the ground. What followed hurt more as he was thrown to the ground and held in a grapple.

Alex struggled for air against the thick arm, helplessly pinned. He hadn't felt pain like this since being attacked by Íþróttaálfurinn. Panic rose in him as he failed to break the hold, tears rising in his eyes as his vision swam, he thrashed and struggled like a wild animal. “Sang pulls his punches. I do not.” Isan hissed. Alex was on the verge of blacking out, his gasps for air, sobs.

Sang sighed heavily. “We have our work cut out for us.”

“I think they could stand to go a few rounds.” Isan smirked. “Alex can beat me if he applies himself.”

“Robbie cannot even stand.” Sang explained. “And I think Alex is struggling with something more than physical.” Isan sighed.

“I was hoping to get some exercise while I was down here.”

“Well then, by all means, let's show them how it's done.”

Wheezing and groaning, Alex and Robbie dragged themselves to the edge of the room to comfort one another, Alex tending to Robbie's physical hurts to release his own emotional ones.

The sparring match between the two masters showed a great difference in personal style, where Sang was quick and fluid, Isan was stillness and force. Watching them go a few rounds on the mat, especially in the event Isan managed to bring the conflict to the ground, proved to be incredibly informative for Alex, and helped pull him out of the bad memories. He could see now that his own style was by nature more like Sang’s, no doubt because of his training history, but Sang had been attempting to teach him to fight more like Isan. He understood now that his lesson was to learn how to combine the two forms.

Robbie absorbed little, simply enjoying his mate’s hands upon him, dozing lightly with a quiet purr. Alex knew that he probably shouldn't be indulging the idleness, but was himself enjoying the break. The two older men finally finished their match, bowing first then shaking hands and hugging.

“Hopefully we'll do this again sometime soon, old friend.” Isan grinned.

Sang nodded. “My old bones may not appreciate it tomorrow, but it would do you good to spend more time out of your tower.”

“You're right about that.” Isan turned to his pupil. “Come along, Alex, we need to figure out what you require for studies. The Matron may also be able to squeeze in an evaluation for you.”

“Robbie, I know that you can hear me, so please stand up.” Sang called softly.

“Are you going to make me run laps or do some kind of exercise.” Robbie grumbled.

“No, no, that's too advanced for you, we're simply going to practice standing.”

“That doesn't sound so hard.”

“Famous last words.” Isan chuckled as they left.

 

“How does it hurt so much!” Robbie whined as Alex carried him home at the end of the day.

“Your core muscles are weak from poor posture, and Shalafi’s fan is no small deterrent.” Alex surprisingly didn't seem too much the worse for the wear, except that Robbie could feel his tension headache, knowing from experience how Isan forced to the limits.

If they thought that the first week was torment, things only grew worse as they began to work with other students. Alex was used to being denounced for his Wood Elf identity, but the diatribes against his husband very nearly made him lose his temper. He also learned from his encounters with Stephanie between lessons that such insults had been a regular occurrence for her as well. Alex wasn't sure what he was supposed to do about it, remembering how tough it had been to confront bullying in his own school days, and the irregularities of their present situation made the problem more complicated still.

There were roughly three versions of opinions on why the three strangers were afforded separate tutoring, the easiest was the accusation that they were merely taking remedial lessons, too dumb to take regular classes like the rest, especially damning because of the adults in children's lessons. The second response tended to be a fairly transparent case of jealousy, insisting that the special treatment was a waste of resources that would be better spent on “normal” students, often with a slant from higher class families. The last accusation shook the most, insisting that the outsiders were some kind of a clandestine conspiracy, although the exact nature of their supposed corruption shifted hourly.

Right around then, the rumors of what they had brought had started to reach the main populace. The Archmage desperately insisted that everything was under control, but there were many voices beginning to insist that the outsiders were bringing a plague to Elven lands.

Alex found his training very engaging, Isan's teaching methods integrating magical understanding with physical activity, until Alex could start to respond with magic as easily as he had developed reflexes in a sparring match. His lessons with the Matron were fairly short, and mostly he spent time assisting Stephanie with her lessons, finding that he learned more from that than the lectures.

Robbie helped Alex with Isan's lessons, and Alex helped Robbie work out the complications of Sang's.

The first and biggest change Robbie noticed from his new training was that people started to notice him more, to give him respect or grant him space as he passed. Alex explained to him that it was his height and posture showing confidence, and the more that Robbie embraced it, the more he felt confident to go with it. He was taller than nearly everyone around him, something that he hadn't really noticed while slinking and slouching around.

Sang had eased him into the athletics gradually, starting him with stretches and held poses before teaching him any strikes or blocks. Robbie found himself enjoying his first lessons with the children, no doubt due in part to the amount of time he had spent with Alex's younger family members. He would be loathe to admit it but he really was developing a soft spot for kids.

 

~

 

Their lovemaking was as always steamy and passionate, each devoting a hand to squeezing themselves together as they rutted against each other.

“Hmm, Alex?” Robbie asked.

“Yes Robbie?”

“I want to fuck your ass.”

“Oh yes, Robbie.” His dick twitched at the thought and the men scrambled into position. Robbie rarely expended the effort to take control in the bedroom as Alex typically had enough energy for both of them, and it was always a special treat when Robbie had worked himself up into a frenzy of want.

“So hot and tight.” Robbie praised, running his hands along the firm muscles and then sliding his palms up the arched back as he began to press on.

“Oh, Robbie, Robbie you feel so good, you're so big, I feel so full.”

“I love how much you talk during sex.” Robbie purred, curling around his partner.

“I can't help it, I just, I have to let you know.” His voice was strained with panting, rocking back against Robbie's hardness.

“Let me know what, my sweet?”

“How good you make me feel.” He whined. “How much I want you, how much I need you, how much I love you.” His pitch was going wild and Robbie knew his husband was soon to become an incomprehensible babbling mess. He chose his thrusts more carefully, making sure to keep pressure on Alex's sweet spot. The vocal elf was squealing, Robbie's name falling broken from his lips. From some well of inner strength he begged. “Let me see your face.”

Robbie was too full of warm feelings to decline, pulling back to let his partner roll over, and then pressing themselves close, Robbie's long torso trapping Alex's dick between them as he began to work towards their finish. Robbie was impressed by the conclusion, the elf having spent himself generously across their chests and bellies as Robbie stilled.

“What a mess.” He chuckled.

“I'll clean up, just give me a moment.” Alex panted. Robbie flopped onto his side without releasing Alex from his hold.

“I guess I'm starting to see the benefits of all that exercising.” Robbie grumbled, but the effect was ruined by the rattling of his purr.

Alex looked pleased, about to respond when the door to their room opened with a bang.

“You're under arrest!” Announced an official of the Royal Guards, before the man seemed to take in the scene before him, the two lovers spattered with semen, hair and sheets in disarray, fresh love bites glowing on their skin.

“I told you not to go in there.” The voice of Alex's mother carried through the hall. The two guards at the official’s flank had turned immediately away, but the lead man seemed to have been petrified.

“Do you mind?” Robbie growled, pulling out of his husband with a loud squelch as Alex moaned and buried his face into the pillow. Robbie stood to his full height, unabashed by his nudity and stared the intruder down.

Sputtering, the man allowed, “You may first prepare yourselves to be seen in public.” before turning away as red as a tomato and slamming the door.

Alex burst into giggles as Robbie grumbled and cleaned himself up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you hate it when the fuzz busts in when you just busted a nut?
> 
> I should really name Alex's mother but... Just assume that it is difficult to pronounce Elvish.


	15. Guilty Boys go to Jail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, remember all that stuff about Elf Politics? You know how they say life imitates art and vice versa.
> 
> This was not what I was planning exactly but it is what it is. It's not John Galt levels of political ranting, but this election season woke up all the fears I gained from growing up with a problem with authority during the Bush administration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively I considered naming this chapter ACAB and if you substitute elves with Baby boomers and humans with millennials....
> 
> *Sobs while laughing*
> 
> We are number one meme friends

“Robbie, it is very important that you cooperate with them.” Alex said stiffly as he tied his trousers.

“I'm having a little bit of trouble with that idea considering the Archmage said I would be put to death!” Robbie hissed.

“I'm sure he was just exaggerating, I've never heard of anyone being put to death in the Seelie courts in centuries.”

“Some elves live that long.” Robbie scowled pulling his outer robe tight.

“Just relax, they don't do things around here like the Unseelie.” Alex kissed his cheek and rubbed his shoulders. “It will be fine, we'll share our story and we have powerful allies who will defend us.” Taking his hand, he gave his husband another kiss. “And we'll do it together.” With a bracing sigh they opened the door. “What charges are we being arrested for?”

“You have threatened our National security, and as such the exact nature of your crimes cannot be stated publicly so as not to start a panic.”

“That sounds like exactly the sort of thing people are likely to start panicking about.”

“Mom!” Alex chided.

“Ma'am, we'll have to arrest you too if you incite a panic.” The guard leader warned. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Well then, I suppose that's what the constabulary have reduced themselves to, harassing newlyweds fresh from their honeymoon, and threatening old women.”

“Mom.” Alex groaned.

“Don't you take that tone of voice with me young man, what will everyone think seeing you being hauled away in chains?”

“Ma'am, we're just doing our job.”

Robbie grumbled something about ‘just following orders’ and Alex dug an elbow into his side.

“Mom, it will be fine, just let them take us to the station, we'll face the magistrate and our friends will be able to explain.” Alex insisted.

“Well fine, but give me a hug before they bind your hands.” As they embraced Robbie heard something that sounded suspiciously like. “Why didn't you go out the crawlspace?” Robbie found himself extra irritated at his husband's insistence on going quietly.

The guards handcuffed them both and forced them march to the jail. Robbie complained the whole way about the forced pace and discomfort of the restraints. Alex gave up trying to stop him and just focused on being a model prisoner, in the hopes that it would afford him some manner of leniency. His hopes were rapidly sinking however as he noticed gawking from surrounding crowds and various friends or cousins whispering to people.

Alex had reached peak frustration when he and his husband were placed into separate cells with a wall between them. He paced the confines of the cell, before running through a series of flips, exercises and fighting blows. He was breathing slightly faster but hadn't broken a sweat when he realized that the extra activity had left him feeling even more restless and caged.

“Take it easy, turbo.” Robbie grumped, reaching a hand around the wall. Alex slumped against the bars and took his husband's hand, pressing his lips to it. “I think they separated us because they didn't want us fucking again, how about some handjobs?”

Alex laughed. “Afraid I'm not in the mood right now.”

“It figures.” Robbie didn't sound unusually disappointed, and Alex was only slightly relieved to realize that he'd been kidding. He hoped. “How long do you think they'll keep us in the dark?”

“I'm pretty sure that we'll be on trial tomorrow.”

“You really think that they have no case?”

“They have no solid evidence. The Archmage verified your incapability to cast such a spell, and the results of it are not powering me. It's not unprecedented for magic users to have similar energy signatures.”

“I hope you're right but I have a bad feeling. Not everyone is on our side.”

“I'm sorry about the bullying and discrimination, not everything is great in the Seelie courts.”

“Alex, it takes more than a few spiteful gossipmongers to get under my skin.” Robbie huffed casually, audibly buffing his nails on his chest.

“I just wish I had given you and Stephanie some warning, I should have known based on the fact that I got picked on just for, well, being me.”

“What's that mean?” Robbie was a little surprised.

“You said it yourself once, I'm just a silly little sports elf. I couldn't sit still in any of my classes, I was always struggling with my studies, and I wouldn't fight. Also, you might have noticed some of the ... Less positive opinions on wood elves.”

“That's an awfully nice way of saying racism.” Robbie snorted. “Don't put yourself so down just because elves are sticks in the mud. We've talked about this before, a teacher needs to teach to the student and learn from them how to teach it. You've been doing astonishingly well with Isan's tutelage.”

“Well, yeah but...”

“No buts about it, you're brilliant. I would normally never admit this, but you're smarter than me. You can learn a sport from one playthrough, you can take a single glance at a dangerous situation and come up with some kind of absurd Rube Goldberg solution to it.”

“I could say the same for you, except that you usually created the situations.” Alex sounded disapproving.

Robbie chuckled. “I did at that, generally nothing too dangerous, I never wanted anyone to get seriously hurt.”

“You almost killed me, that day with the catapulted soccer balls, I was literally hanging by my fingertips from the airship at cruising height. I had to fly at otherwise unsafely low heights for a while afterwards, there was a time following that you tried to crash the airship, with me in it!”

Robbie was quiet for several somber moments, and Alex started to feel bad as the guilt welled up in his partner. “Well, I'm just glad I didn't succeed.”

Alex squeezed his hand. “I imagine that this isn't your first time in jail, any tips for surviving a cage you can't escape?”

“I locked you up plenty of times.”

“That jail never could hold me. I could climb through the top, I could lift it over my head and one time I broke the lock with my hand. I just played along because I thought we were just goofing around with the kids.”

“For the most part yeah.” Robbie admitted. “I was trying to get rid of you though.”

“Why, we all had so much fun?”

“Because I was frustrated. I didn't want to have to deal with my feelings for you. I had to convince myself that you were just stringing me along, that everyone was just laughing at me.”

“I'm sorry that I didn't try to be honest with you from the beginning. I should have tried harder to spend time with you, to speak with you. I knew you were hurting, I just didn't know how to approach you. And, I was so afraid of you rejecting me...”

“God...What pieces of work we are.”

“At least we're good looking.”

“I have to admit, being the good guy sucks.” Robbie grumbled. “I can't believe that we didn't escape out of the secret passage your mom mentioned.”

“But then we’d be fugitives!”

“And we would run away from here! There's got to be somewhere else to go, or just hide out somewhere until everything blows over.”

“I've been thinking about that actually. I was wondering why Íþróttaálfurinn would come here, to our world.”

“I don't like the sound of where this is going.”

“What was wrong with their world that they were so desperate to come here? The spell you cast might have been impressive, but to accomplish what they did... It breaks all the rules.”

“You're assuming that there are rules, we all have different understandings of how the world works, that's why we didn't get put into regular classes, we would have disrupted every statement by asking questions, suggesting different possibilities. That's why Isan was picked to train us, that's what he does.”

“He breaks the rules? But he's been teaching me...”

“Comparative types of magic theory. I figured it out from Pinkie’s homework, you had to have noticed how limited it was!”

“I just thought it was simplified for learning.”

“I saw a lot of the same thing from the Unseelie, a lot of the old powerful elders couldn't actually do half the dumb little tricks the kids did. Kids are naturally gifted at spontaneous magic, but the education that they are given try to break them into fit into a specific mold. I think it's why the Archmage and the Matron haven't come up with any conclusions.”

“What about Isan?”

“He's not allowed to see it. The circle of mages with access to the project is very limited. The official reason is security. Unofficially, I don't think they want anyone to know that they don't know what they're doing. Glanni's work is brilliant and daring, I'm sure that they're even more terrified than we are.”

“They need Isan to see it then.”

“But they insist that he hasn't done enough of the book learning they require to let him touch it. That's what he was working on teaching us in the hopes he could accelerate the process by working with minds similar to those who built the spell, hoping that we could come to the conclusions to crack it.”

“He told you all this?”

“No, but he told me enough and I am clever enough to read between the lines. Besides, there's more information that they keep hidden.”

“But why? The humans share their knowledge with the internet, and it has led to them being able to learn much more quickly. It's proven that shared information exchange accelerates learning.”

“There you go thinking like a human again.” Robbie sighed. “Think like an elf. A bunch of outsiders show up with something dangerous that they don't understand. They're secretive and keep to themselves with only a few contacts, and might I add very key contacts in places of power, especially power over their children. This makes them feel that their work is being undermined, disrespected and threatened. I think what's happening here is a powder keg that has been brewing for awhile. I think that we're being set up as scapegoats so that they can insist on isolation. They will use us as an example of all the wrongs of the outside world.”

“Please tell me that you don't have any candy hidden.”

“No I finished it up a few weeks ago. But they've met me, Stephanie is popular with her stories of what the human world is like, you're an example of how they can travel and return. How long have the Seelie sealed themselves away from humanity?"

Alex was quiet.

“They might be afraid of what Íþróttaálfurinn is doing, but at the same time, some of them might think that he's got the right idea, cleanse humanity, return the earth to a natural state, return Elves to the greatest power, keep the humans at heel.”

“That... That, that's positively Unseelie!”

“And how long have the courts been apart, officially, what has the dark court done to other elves lately, who's really the bigger threat, the human plague that's destroying the world, or fellow elves who haven't done anything but keep those humans in check.”

Alex was horrified. “That can't be... That's stupid, and dangerous and the magic...”

“Aren't you the one who told me that the only difference in magic was the intent?”

“You think that the high Elven Courts will unify against humanity?” Alex sounded genuinely afraid for the first time since Robbie had known him. “Maybe you're just imagining things?”

“Officially, no, the whole Court never agrees on anything. They just need to convince enough to give it a try, and worse use the rhetoric of the progressive elements against them, by creating false equivalencies.”

“I... I don't know what to do, Robbie.”

“Me neither.”

“At least we have each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure they're just worried about nothing and get a totally fair trial.


	16. The Blue Kangaroo in Court

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At least the trial is short?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hell to write, trying to get a feel for courtroom etiquette and phrasing long expositionary monologues. I know that a lot of people love courtroom dramas, but I have always found them painfully boring and this was so much worse.

A violent rattling brought Alex to his feet, pulling Robbie along with him.

 

“Wow, you really are newlyweds.” Commented the guard, who had run a baton across the bars the two had fallen asleep against. Judging by the pins and needles running up to his shoulder, so had Alex's arm.

 

“I guess you didn't talk to the guys who brought us in then.” Robbie grumbled, rubbing at his eyes. One of the many side effects of their bond was that their sleep tended to align. It was great in that Robbie could finally sleep soundly for a sufficient amount of time, less so in that Alex always woke immediately from sleep, tearing Robbie out of whatever groggy dreams he'd been entertaining. Despite the noise of his alert partner's consciousness, Robbie still took some time to really get moving. Being yanked to his feet was not the best waking he'd had. “I told you we should have wanked all over the cell.”

 

The guard seemed abashed, before clearing his throat. “It's time for your breakfast.” He slid a tray into each cell.

 

Robbie grumbled about the meal while Alex considered what the day would bring. He had been away from home long enough that he wasn't quite sure he was up to date on the political situation, and although he had seen elements of what Robbie had described in the past, he'd been under the impression that there was serious consideration to the possibility of learning more about the outside world. Rather than a handful of elves who traveled, most of Elven society had barely begun to move out of the preindustrial era.

 

There were some real perks to a simpler lifestyle, and elves used magic to accommodate most luxuries. Alex was a firm believer that Elves needed to find a way to bridge the gap between human technological advances and even just the most basic of magical technique. There were humans who worked unconsciously with magic, Lazy Town was a prime example of small magics at the edge of civilization, and of course the Unseelie operated throughout the margins of the human world.

 

It had seemed that the last time he'd been home there were contingents who were open to the idea of starting settlements on the borders, slowly introducing trade of goods and knowledge on a small enough scale that humans would discover the truth only in gradual steps. It was a bit of a more conservative approach than Alex favored, but he also recognized that too abrupt a shift in cultural exchange generally caused a significant conflict.

 

He still wasn't sure that Robbie was correct about Unseelie influence in mainstream Elven society, but he knew that there were many looking for an excuse to toughen restrictions on travel in and out of Avalon.

 

~

 

The courtroom was tense, and Alex started to feel a lot less confident. The rituals were held with strict attention to detail and the juries tended to scrutinize any divergent behavior as an admission of guilt. Alex remembered vividly the feeling of being scolded by teachers and authority figures throughout his childhood, who found his mannerisms disrespectful. He swallowed down the panic welling up in him and squeezed Robbie's hand.

 

Robbie wasn't doing much better, the silence reminding him of cage inspections, at best a lord looking for a new toy, at worst for quarry to chase with a Wild Hunt. Alex had left his crystal with his family and Robbie wondered if it was flashing for them. He wondered if Stephanie was doing okay.

 

The judge entered with a bang. “All rise for the Honorable Dómarr Draupnir.” Called the bailiff.

 

A sinking sensation settled over the pair as they stood, hands tight. The judge looked annoyed, his lips pressed in a thin line, his wispy, tarnished blonde hair carefully teased into an approximation of controlled chaos, his skin mottled with age. Robbie thought that this was the ugliest elf he'd ever seen, and that was including the monstrous hell beasts of the dark courts. 

 

The judge cleared his throat before beginning with, “Alexander Magnússon and,” he paused glaring at the paper on his desk. “Robbie Rotten!?” Shaking his head, somehow frowning more deeply, he continued. “You stand accused of the following crimes, chiefly the smuggling of dangerous forbidden magic into Avalon, conspiracy to spread this taint, colluding with foreign powers as well as the crafting and knowledge of forbidden magic. The defense may make an opening statement now.”

 

Robbie and Alex looked expectantly at their public defender, they'd done their best to lay out all of the facts but their counsel didn't seem particularly interested in much of anything. Even now he seemed bored by the proceedings. Robbie suspected that the elf was probably nursing a caffeine habit, the drug acting almost like an opiate to elven physiology.

 

“Thank you, your honor, the defendants claim that they did not understand the magic used in the weapon and brought it here solely for study.”

 

“We're trying to find a way to reverse it.” Alex spoke out of turn, and then immediately felt ashamed as hard eyes stared him down. 

 

Staring pointedly at Alex, the judge asked. “Is there anything more that the defense has to offer this court at this time?”

 

“No your honor.” The lawyer replied.

 

“Then the prosecution may present the evidence.”

 

“Thank you, your honor.” The prosecution lawyer looked like the most polished contestant of a bird show, primped and preened immaculately. “You see the case is very clear here that the defendants knowingly brought this poison to our lands, and at no point made any effort to alert the authorities. Instead they went straight to a known immigrant, and further engaged in clandestine meetings with other travelers who have spent considerable time in the outside world. Indeed, some of them have even indicated a desire to open our borders, and let humans freely enter our refuge, as if history does not speak of what happens when we do that.

 

“He came here with outsiders, in a human craft with active navigational technology and immediately colluded with foreigners, in secret. They have been keeping this secret for months while the Academy has been performing mysterious experiments with the poison, and the defendants themselves have been actively training themselves for combat using our resources. What's more is that the magic used to create this abomination isn't just forbidden, but is inherently evil. It has been suggested that these men have crafted a necromantic poison.”

 

Alex was startled, as was the rest of the court. Robbie nodded in understanding. Necromancy was rare in the Dark Court, but not forbidden, instead seen as more of a hassle than it was worth. It explained why it had been so hard to identify, aside from being advanced magic.

 

“Yes, we are all horrified by this blasphemous discovery.” The prosecutor soothed.

 

Robbie gritted his teeth, really wishing his husband wasn't quite so noble and naive. He couldn't find it in him to be angry, even with the vice grip crushing his hand. Alex was breathing shallowly, staring straight ahead and trembling. Robbie gave a squeeze and his best placating smile. Jerkily, Alex turned his head and met his gaze. Robbie breathed with him until he had calmed down. The Archmage was called to the stand, and it broke Robbie's heart a little to see the vain hope on Alex's face. The Archmage was tense, eyes furtive.

 

“Can you explain, in your own words sir, how it was you became involved with this case?”

 

“I was contacted by Shalafi Sang about a magical curiosity that he would like me to analyze. He had mentioned that it was malevolent and that he was seeking a remedy for it, so I also requested the assistance of my colleague Tara, Matron of the Healing Arts. We were then led to the human craft in the harbor where the defendants revealed the object.We then used shielding spells to contain its aura, and took it back to the academy for study.”

 

“I see and what did your studies reveal?”

 

“Well the first conclusion we were able to reach as to the primary purpose of the infectious substance was to redistribute life energy. It would draw power from it's host both to shed freely so that any surrounding vessel for life energy could absorb it, while also channeling a fraction of the energy to a specific individual.”

 

“What would you guess to be the recipient of this energy?”

 

“Given the story told to me by the defendants as well as what I have been able to learn from unraveling the spells themselves, it would have to be an individual very similar to Alex Magnusson.”

 

“So Alex could be the one benefitting from this poison?”

 

“It is possible...”

 

“And what of the casting of these spells? What can you tell us about him?”

 

“Again, the tale told by the defendants is not contradicted by my findings, however these spells were cast by someone of a very similar energy signature as the defendant Robbie Rotten.”

 

“Are you saying that Robbie himself could have cast these spells.”

 

The Archmage looked stricken. “It is, of course, possible.”

 

“Aside from these preliminary results, what else did you discover about this construct?”

 

“It was wrapped in a great deal of secondary ties, multiple geasa, binding the infected to the will, influence and suggestion of the beneficiary target.”

 

“Potentially Alex.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Continue, what other findings did you discover?”

 

“We hit a roadblock where we encountered many flavors of spell as yet unknown to us, and we were thus required to begin a search through the sealed tomes of forbidden knowledge, archives to which only I have the authority to access. In time I was able to unravel the ultimate end of the spell would maintain the infected in a state of permanent starvation, unable to die.”

 

“Ziggy.” Alex choked in horror.

 

Robbie had done his best the last months to keep Alex's focus off of the tragedy going on in the outside world, but this revelation broke the thin barrier of separation as tears began falling down the elf's face. Robbie wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close.

 

The defense lawyer failed to examine the Archmage and he was dismissed. The Matron was called next, and was even less able to provide supportive testimony. She looked positively terrified, and every time she attempted to provide some shred of positive evidence, it was quickly dismissed by the Prosecutor. She mouthed an apology to Robbie as she was led out, and the tall man merely nodded tersely. Alex was vibrating under his arm.

 

Robbie faded his awareness to a dull haze, trying to send soothing sensations to his husband. Alex managed to regain some measure of composure while the jury deliberated. Robbie knew what was coming, he'd known since the Archmage had first mentioned it.

 

“The court of Avalon finds the defendants Alex Magnusson and Robbie Rotten guilty, for the crime of Necromancy, the only sentence is death, in the morning before dawn, so that the sun’s rising light purifies their unholy corpses.”

 

Alex was frozen in shock as the verdict came in, but Robbie, resigned to his fate merely responded loudly.

 

“I knew we should have jerked each other off in the cell last night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Robbie is a very classy guy.
> 
> Only halfway through the story, I can't believe the main characters are dead!


	17. Them’s the Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fairly short chapter as we transition towards the end game, the stage is beginning to be set and soon the game will begin in earnest.

“Any last requests?” The guard asked softly.

“I want us to spend our last night together.” Alex said.

“Sure thing. Last meal?”

“I'm going to suck the cum out of my husband's cock like it's yogurt.” Robbie spat venomously.

“Robbie, please.” Alex whined, blushing to the tips of his ears. “I'm sorry.” He apologized to the guard profusely and gave a proper meal order.

“Get me a chocolate bar and a Pepsi, I know you guys have ways, if I'm lucky I'll die before you can kill me.”

Robbie shrugged off the two guards holding him as they reached the cell, yelping as they shoved him forward. He flopped onto the small cot gracelessly with a loud bang and grumbled. “I meant to do that.”

Alex snuggled up to him and they waited until the guards had left before Robbie asked.

“How do they execute people here? Hanging, poison, firing squad?”

“Beheading with a ritual sword. Hasn't happened in a few centuries. They rushed things, people would speak out against this, they don't want them to have time to organize.”

“Hey, we're not dead yet. We aren't masters of Destruction, but I bet we can find a way to resist, get away somehow.”

“No, the jail is locked down with anti magic fields and the guards aren't just more trained than I am they're more experienced in actual combat. There's no escaping from the inside, not overnight.”

“Well, hopefully we have friends on the other side then.” Robbie offered thoughtfully, already considering ways to work around the jail's defenses.

“No one was there for us in the courtroom, nobody visited us. They either didn't want to be associated with us or are already in custody themselves to be tried as accessories to our crimes.”

“Lighten up, Sportadork, you've always relied on your friends, I'm sure that someone is trying to work things out for you.”

Alex grinned. “You haven't used one of your nicknames for me in a long time.”

“Well you changed your name three times so forgive me if I lag behind a little.” Robbie snorted, affectionately burying his face into Alex's hair.

 

~

 

“Yo, dead men walking.” Alex grabbed the arm which prodded him, as Robbie swatted blindly. Both pairs of eyes widened to a narrow slit with annoyed expressions. Isan grinned down at them, and for the first time the husbands could see the often dour man had exceptionally sharp, pointed teeth.

“How did you?” Robbie gestured to the missing section of wall.

“There's more than one way to get through a spell.” Isan grimaced. "I might be a little sick for a bit though."

The two prisoners scurried to their feet, as Isan led them outside to a clearing, an inky cloud of darkness concealing them from view. They stumbled into a sudden obstruction in their path as Isan leapt easily up over it.

It was a small wooden framed airship, Alex swallowed, recognizing it as his father's. “Your parents apologize that they couldn't make it, but everyone wrote you letters.” Stephanie shoved a bundle into his hands.

There was a total crew of five on the small craft, the three men, Stephanie and a young elf maiden in the robes of a healer. “I'm Dawn, the Matron sent me along to help Stephanie continue with her studies and help teach other humans to heal.”

“I'm along for the ride to make sure you two keep training, in addition to the fact that I'm under suspicion now too. I didn't feel like hiding out in the woods with your family and I want my own chance to study that poison.” Isan supplied.

“So, everyone is safe?” Alex asked hopefully.

“As they can. The Archmage's authority was threatened, he was all too eager to wash his hands of the business, I think the contact with the poison was wearing on him, the Matron’s students were threatened, and there wasn't much she could offer to help you anyway. Shalafi Sang is dead, almost certainly poisoned, but it was dismissed as natural causes. The Archmage told me to get out as soon as they threatened him. Your family had already sealed the tree and dispersed to wherever it is that your kin go. Stephanie was in hiding at the Matron's, she didn't want to leave you behind.”

“That was dangerous, Stephanie.” Alex smiled.

“So is getting executed.” She countered, hugging the elf.

Robbie sighed. “I really did want to have to make them drag me off of your dick.”

Isan laughed while the girl's made noises of disgust. Alex wilted a little, as Isan clapped both their shoulders and commented. “That's the spirit.”

“Your parents also wanted to let you know that the airship is a belated wedding present, it took them longer to fix up than expected and then they had to hide it in a hurry.”

“I can imagine, it used to be hardly more than a hot air balloon basket.” Alex was beaming, looking over the upgrades. It wasn't the sophisticated top of the line model his own had been, but it would make their escape much easier, as airships were still a relative rarity, and one of this age with few magical accoutrements was even less likely to catch attention. Isan's magic had also disguised them as a dark cloud as the wind blew them away from Avalon.

The platform was still small, hardly enough space for everyone to spread out, and it had none of the climate control as cool air circulated. Alex and Robbie settled down to one side and snuggled under a warm blanket, returning to sleep.

 

~

 

“Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!” Stephanie called cheerfully.

“Really?” Robbie mumbled hopefully.

“Well, halfway...” She admitted.

“What do we have?”

“Pickled eggs, fish and vegetables.”

“That sounds terrible.”

“It is, but it will keep until we get back to Lazy Town.”

“I'm going back to sleep wake me up when there's cake.” He pulled the blanket over his head as the others laughed.

“At least the vegetables are still crunchy.” Alex offered. Robbie only groaned in response.

When he finally woke up completely he noted Isan sleeping in one corner sitting up with his arms crossed over his chest. Dawn was carefully draping a blanket over him, trying not to disturb him, though Robbie was pretty sure that he was stirring at the contact.

“We went to bed when you guys did, and he kept the night watch.” Stephanie explained. “Sporta-Alex woke us up a little after he did to let Isan sleep. He was trying not to wake you though.”

“I do appreciate the consideration.” Robbie sat up and tried to ignore the hunger gnawing at his stomach. “How long is this trip going to take?”

“Maybe ten days? Less if the wind favors us, it's less challenging than the sailing.” Alex guessed.

Robbie grumbled as he stood, grabbing the railing and stretching with his free arm. He rubbed at his eyes and turned, before shrieking and leaping backwards. Alex had caught him without a thought and Robbie took several moments to calm down.

“I didn't realize that we would be so high.” He whimpered.

“Well, it is an airship.” Stephanie rolled her eyes.

“We can't go lower in case we would be spotted by patrols.” Alex offered apologetically. “Isan said that maybe tonight we can try going lower to catch fresh fish.” Robbie just buried his face in his husband's chest until he sat down.

 

~

 

Isan woke as the day wore on towards evening. He performed fewer exercises than Alex, before asking. “Are you ready to brush up on your training?”

The married men nodded. “What's today's lesson?”

“We can't spar as usual, the tight space and risk of falling cut out the odds of throws, and kicks would probably a bad idea because of the low walls, but we can take turns boxing and grappling, and we can all share some magic tricks later.”

He took everyone on the ship through their paces, even helping the girls learn some basic striking, blocking and holds. The man definitely went easier on them.

“Alex actually has the best training and understanding of the physical aspects of martial arts, so really I think the two of you will learn the best fighting each other.”

Alex had trouble not using his legs, and Robbie took offense at how often he went easy on him. After Robbie was thoroughly exhausted Isan wore Alex down, especially when they started grappling, as Isan was stronger, even if Alex was more flexible.

The magic lesson was easier, mostly for the benefit of the girls as Isan explained the basics of different magic forms. He tested Robbie and Alex periodically by having them help explain more difficult concepts to the girls, and the two men were often prompted to discuss together what they knew.

The girls did not disappoint as they explained their own knowledge and abilities, and the night ended with a very enthusiastic discussion about the integration of healing magic with athletic technique.

The days followed a similar pattern, Isan carefully allowing greater risks, and monitoring each person's progress. By the time their journey was coming to a close, Isan announced that they would continue to learn more from each other than they would from him.

 

~

 

Mercifully the trip took less than a week. Less fortunately, from the air it was clear that where Lazy Town once stood, there was instead a blackened ruin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cackles about scorched earth policies*


	18. Scorched Earth

“Don't land yet!” Isan hissed, leaping up from what had appeared to be a dead sleep. He scowled at the ground. “Remember how I mentioned that I might be sick after busting you out of jail?”

“Yeah?”

“Dealing with this might knock me out for a week.”

“How will we know that it's safe?”

“I'll let you know before I check out.”

The crew watched in trepidation as Isan crouched and clutched the railing of the ship with both hands. He took a moment to focus and take even breaths. Isan's magic had never been flashy, but it was clear as the dark tendrils curled around him that this was a serious undertaking for the mage. He spread his jaw as if in a silent scream, and then inhaled.

Where Isan's magic was more like a lack of light, the spell work he began to consume flickered and glittered in the signature style of Glanni. Isan's eyes rolled back into his head but remained standing, even as his head lolled back and saliva began to drip from his still open mouth.

His knees hit the deck with a crack and then he pitched over the side retching, the reek of pickles and rancid decay accompanying the black fluid he vomited up. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears ran down his face and his nose ran, a slight tinge of blood in the fluids. “Don't touch me.” He growled hoarsely as he convulsed on the deck. He curled in on himself in choking sobs before squeezing out the words. “It's safe.” His body continued to tremble and shiver as Dawn attended to him while he lost consciousness.

 

Alex guided the ship down grimly, heading towards where the entrance to Robbie's lair had been hidden. The earth was cratered around it, and the exposed areas of the building were heavily dented. The former windowed areas were bowed in, but covered from the inside with metal plates.

“Do you think anyone survived?” Stephanie whispered.

Alex was grimacing as the airship landed on a more even patch of ground nearby. Robbie eyed the scene speculatively, leading the way carefully as Alex came up from the rear carrying Isan. The girls clung together in the middle.

“Well, at least they don't seem to have left any landmines.” Robbie muttered, eyes scanning for any tell tale signs of disturbances.

“Wait!” Dawn shrieked suddenly, pulling Robbie back. “There are traps. Anti-elf, anti-magic traps.” She turned to Stephanie. “We can't go on. Look out for anything out of the ordinary, go slow, be careful.”

Stephanie nodded. “It's a good sign right?”

Robbie nodded carefully. “I told Pixel that this might happen. I left him instructions on how to keep them out, us out even. It's possible that the traps being this far out mean that they survived the bombardment.”

Stephanie smiled optimistically, and began to carefully pick her way through the rubble.

When she was out of earshot Alex asked. “What are the odds?”

“I'd say even. The lair is mostly intact, it's possible that there's a forced entry that we can't see from here, but at least we know our doubles aren't present.”

“Unless they learned to hide.”

Robbie shook his head. “You're a showoff, your double would never miss an opportunity to put himself above us.”

“It will probably take awhile. We should sit and rest.” Dawn suggested, taking a seat with her gaze focused on the bright spot of pink weaving through the jagged terrain. “Maybe a snack?” She offered.

Robbie grimaced, which got a weak chuckle from Alex as he set Isan down.

 

They heard before they saw the ragged group of humans moving through the field of obstacles. As soon as they moved past an invisible boundary further along the way three figures broke out in a sprint, though Stephanie jogged along behind. Alex and Robbie had a chance to stand before nearly being knocked to the ground as the young adults crashed into them.

There was a rush of words before anyone began to make sense.

“You guys got married!” Trixie recovered first. Alex chuckled and Robbie looked sheepish. “Pixel thought you were just being nice to Sportacus because you felt bad he got hurt.”

Pixel started to protest as Alex started to laugh. “He's not wrong about that part, I took full advantage of Robbie's pity. Once he got over himself he realized he couldn't resist me anymore.” Alex teased, beaming for the first time in over a week.

Robbie couldn't manage to hide a grin. “I think you were the one who couldn't resist me, you clingy-”

“Who's the dead guy and elf girl?” Trixie interrupted the couple’s sugary banter.

“I'm Dawn.” The healer introduced herself, her accent even stronger than Alex's. “And Isan is merely recovering from a strenuous magical experience.”

“Anyway we can lead you along a path that should be safe now.” Pixel offered.

“That would be great.” Robbie accepted. “I'm really not looking forward to being hit with cold iron shrapnel and salt.”

“Silver too!” Pixel offered hopefully. “After you told me what to do, I did more research to hedge my bets with everything else I could find. I'm glad I took it seriously and set it up when I did, it was only a couple weeks before they came, but thanks to you and your base, with all the hidden passageways, we managed to evacuate the town before they started to destroy everything.”

“I'm really impressed that you were able to do all of this by yourselves.” Alex praised.

“We got a lot of help from the other townies, after everything it was pretty clear what was going on, we did drills to evacuate. Once the military started issuing the Sportscandy™ as part of their rations we knew what was next.” Pixel explained.

“We're going to see Zombies soon.” Trixie laughed wildly.

“Zombies?!”

“Well, they're keeping it pretty under wraps, but we noticed it with the rats after a month, as their bodies burned out their nutrients they got hungrier and hungrier until they started eating each other and then they kept on going. We ended up torching them all.”

 

Robbie was impressed when the veritable vault door swung open, the back covered with thick bars of steel. He felt a concerned query from his partner, but Robbie had been steeling himself for this eventuality since they'd left. He stepped into his former home as if he was not desperately trying to repress his memories of his last time there.

Mercifully, he could barely recognize the place, it had been arranged as a proper emergency shelter, cots and bedrolls laid out, divided by fragile partitions, one corner devoted to triage, now uncluttered, another area for provisions. In truth, Robbie was glad.

“We had to change a lot of things.” Pixel offered apologetically.

“Where's my chair?” He replied tersely.

“We put most of your stuff back in a storage room.”

 

Robbie nodded and followed Pixel’s lead as Alex took Isan towards the infirmary. Before the little group could disperse, Bessie ran up to them. “I heard you got married! I hope you will consider having a ceremony for us here at the town to celebrate!”

Alex flushed and tried to brush it off but Robbie nodded. “Of course, and it shall be the finest and grandest wedding the likes of which Lazy Town has ever seen, as is befitting of me.”

Bessie squealed excitedly. “Oh I can't wait to tell Milford, it will be so romantic, we'll have to plan everything, and of course we'll cover all of the supplies and preparations.”

Alex tilted his head and Robbie shrugged. “This place needs a party, may as well be the guest of honor.”

 

Pixel and Robbie were in the process of organizing and rearranging the storage room when Alex joined them. With the addition of his muscles, the progress went much quicker. Soon, although still cramped and cluttered, there was a livable space. As well as a great deal of scrap had been sent off to be repurposed. Alex sent Pixel off in a clear dismissal, and Robbie flopped into his chair with a sigh. Alex locked the door and strolled over to climb into his partner’s lap. They kissed softly, and tenderly ran their hands across each other's faces, appreciating a moment of solitude to themselves. With the strain of the long journey weighing them down, they soon drifted off to sleep.

 

~

 

Robbie wasn't surprised to find Alex gone when he woke from their nap. Since he was unobserved, he began to stretch and work his own muscles as he'd begrudgingly accepted was necessary after training up his body. He was bent down and touching his toes when the door opened. Robbie delighted at the sharp gasp of his husband behind him.

“Are you proud of me love?” Robbie asked slyly from between his legs, appreciating for himself the novel view of Alex upside down from a worm’s eye view. “Or are you too distracted by the view to congratulate me on touching my toes?”

Alex set the box he was carrying down, closing and locking the door before stumbling forward, unable to tear his gaze away from the sight. He groaned slightly as Robbie's long legs meant that his ass merely collided with Alex's stomach, rubbing his growing erection against Robbie's thigh.

“You're so sexy Robbie, I.” He groped and rubbed at the plush behind pressing against him. “I love your ass, you know that, I've told you, I'm always telling you.” Alex stammered, as Robbie slowly rose up from the floor.

“Maybe you, want to do something about it?” Robbie purred, swishing his hips gently.

“Oh yes, Robbie, your chair.” Alex pushed, but did not shove his husband in the indicated direction, and smugly, Robbie then crouched upon it with his ass high in the air. Alex whined as his target was now poised at chest height. “Robbie stop teasing me.”

“I can't help it that I am so tall and you are so small.” Robbie gasped dramatically, throwing an arm over his head in a show of melodrama.

“I guess I have no choice then.” Alex sighed, digging his fingers into the meat of Robbie's rump as he pulled down his pants, taking a nip at one cheek and then up near his spine.

Robbie moaned, back arching tighter. “Oh? What are you going to do then?” He barely managed to finish his sentence before he felt the hot wetness of a tongue lap against his skin, eliciting a sharp pitched squeal.

Alex let his actions speak, as his mouth was otherwise occupied. Robbie jerked and moaned, digging his fingers into the plush orange faux fur. Alex savored, teased and gently began to open Robbie to him, slowly undoing his every shred of composure until Robbie was begging him for his cock.

A bottle of lube was quickly snatched from a side table as Alex pushed Robbie's hips down to a workable level. Having been denied release for a week, he made sure to take the most from the experience, every thrust measured to make Robbie fall apart as he carefully stoked his own need.

Alex was eager to speak again, telling Robbie about every filthy thought he'd been unable to act upon while they'd been in the company of others. He began to lose control of himself when Robbie's hitching breaths and dripping cock let him know how close the tall man was to finishing, having long since devolved from begging to senseless needy whimpers.

He whispered his love into the skin of Robbie's back as he hurriedly pumped them to completion, dissolving into a purring mess as they sank into the chai. Alex curled tightly around his partner and refused to release him. “Robbie you're so beautiful, I love you so much.” He mumbled into his shoulder blade. Robbie could say nothing more than to moan as he felt Alex twitch inside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing porn, it's such a good way to end a chapter.


	19. The Belly of the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These dumb nerds get married again and then some actual plot starts to happen again. This is a shorter chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The theme for this wedding is more https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aPfeOAhDfbM

Isan woke up after three days and was in worse humor than usual, rarely responding to anyone with anything more than a grunt or a growl. His skin had a waxy greenish pallor and he was very careful when consuming anything other than water. He begrudgingly accepted Alex's help to move around after his first day conscious.

It was a full week before he was properly fit again, but warned that he'd probably have residual sickness for a month. The only person he had carefully avoided snapping at was Dawn, who had tended to him throughout the illness.

 

Robbie and Alex were occupied by the tasks of rebuilding, fortifying and scavenging the town, as well as their imminent wedding reception. The townsfolk were immensely cheered by the presence of their true hero, most of them never bothering to call him Alex, though often cursing his double for fraudulently taking the title of Sportacus. They even welcomed Robbie back with considerable cheer, despite his habitual aloofness, he could no longer claim to be a villain after crimes of true evil ravaged the town.

He did his best to keep people on their toes, especially harassing them in preparation for the ceremony, but managed to avoid overstepping into mean-spirited pranks, even despite some of Trixie's coaxing. In truth he was overwhelmingly grateful for the generosity, as much as he was glad to be giving them an excuse to celebrate. He couldn't deny some level of selfish delight in being the center of attention, especially as his husband was mostly doing physical labor.

~

Their second wedding ceremony somehow managed to top the first, and Robbie wasn't sure how, Alex's family had been incredibly boisterous, but still relied on a modicum of protocol. Lazy Town's ceremony was near chaos. Instead of elegant tasteful and natural decorations, there was a riot of brightly colored salvaged goods, instead of a band, or even the tinny speakers of Stephanie's phone or the sweet voices of the elves, the people of Lazy Town bellowed folk music, drinking songs and anything that came to mind. While Robbie had skipped the wine in Avalon, the townsfolk insisted that the happy couple partake of their homemade rot gut, Robbie saw stars and Alex nearly passed out.

Robbie didn't remember how they made it to their storage closet bedroom, and he'd been sick, either from too much drink or cake, and Alex experienced the joys of his first hangover. Most of the town found themselves waking up on the floor, and the following day was subdued, half heartedly trying to clean up after the excesses of the prior day. For once it was a blessing to be in the dank underground bunker, shielded from the sharp light of day.

 

Alex managed to drag Robbie outside near evening to watch the sunset and were joined by other groups and couples. As the sky darkened to purple, the black butterfly was almost invisible until it alighted on Robbie's hand. He jerked awake from a half doze when it made contact with him. Alex also noticed and eyed it curiously. It was a piece of origami, the paper glossy with a purple sheen. There was no doubt who had sent the missive, and with trembling hands Alex unfolded it.

At first all he could do was stare at the arcane symbols laid out across it, but then Robbie seized it and flipped it sideways. “It's a cure.”

“What?”

“He sent us the explanation of the curse and how to reverse the effects.” Robbie explained, baffled. “Why would he do that?”

Alex flipped the paper over to see the personal note. 'Sorry I couldn't make it to the party, I heard you were back in town so I wanted to send a gift. Hope to see you soon.’ It was signed with a distinctively colored lipstick kiss.

“Should we go?” Robbie questioned uneasily.

“It could be a trap.” Alex admitted.

“Why would he set all this up when he could just send Íþróttaálfurinn, or just an armed battalion to destroy us?” Robbie frowned, trying to analyze the intent.

“He's really helping us?” Alex offered hopefully.

“We need to test to make sure this recipe is on the level first.” Robbie stood and took his husband's hand. The two of them gathered Pixel, Trixie, Stephanie, Dawn, and Isan, to discuss the missive, analyzing the contents, then debating the next step to take.

“He did say that he wants to stop Íþróttaálfurinn, he doesn't like the master plan.” Alex pointed out.

“But he's also the one behind crafting this poison.” Pixel was staring at the occult diagram as if willing it to become mundane blueprints.

“Which he might only have done because of compulsion.” Dawn mused.

“I think we're missing the bigger picture here. We don't have any choice but to play his game, his love note as good as said that he has eyes on us. We can ignore it, let Íþróttaálfurinn continue amassing his power, moving forces globally, and wait for the inevitable day that he drags us out from underground, or we take the risk that he needs us alive for some purpose and doesn't want to go through the struggle of fighting for us.” Isan laid out. “It seems as legitimate as we can hope for and we really have no better options.”

“I just don't want to see him again.” Robbie growled.

“You can stay behind.” Alex offered with a hand on his shoulder.

“I'm not going to leave you alone with him again.”

“I'd like to meet him.” Isan added.

“So we gonna steal one of Stingy’s cars again?” Trixie asked cheerfully.

“Yes, but some of us need to stay behind to work on the antidote.” Pixel reminded her.

 

Dawn had trained anyone who was capable the basics of healing magic, and insisted on accompanying them to the city. “I just feel like I will be needed.” She explained. Stephanie and Trixie argued about who would stay with Pixel to work on the antidote and who would go to the city with the other four. It was only settled when Stephanie won a coin toss and Trixie grumbled about being trapped in the base. Alex made a note to bring her along next time.

 

The first batch of antidote was synthesized that night, tested on what remained of the control rats, and using extreme doses. The rats given no antidote turned to zombies within hours, whereas the ones dosed with both antidote and poison differed little from the control lot, as well as those tested only with the antidote.

“It's not truly scientific, but it will be better than nothing.” Pixel sighed as he prepared some batches for the next day's expedition.

Trixie returned from Stingy's house with an SUV and insisted that she was coming along since there were enough seats for everyone now. Alex, too tired to fight, agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like my OCs because they have some back story dump coming up. I debated separating those scenes out, but figured it will fit in better if I just keep it as written.


	20. Intricate Threads of Tapestry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot threads start to tie together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting a chapter with porn is always classy.
> 
> Some day I will meet Magnús Scheving and/or Stefán Karl and I will not be able to look them in the eyes without thinking about all the smut I have written or read.

Alex was an optimist by nature but he felt sure that today was going to be excellent. Part of it was the way it was starting, with him bent over on the plush orange chair while his mate thrust into him with wild abandon. Alex had long since devolved from speech to unintelligible whimpers, Robbie was stroking him with one hand, while the other roamed, groping, squeezing, pinching. Robbie's mouth bit at the elf’s neck, then sucked on the tip of a long ear as his thumb rubbed a nipple.

Alex whined feeling his climax approach as Robbie sped to find his own release. They kept a towel to catch their mess, to ease cleaning the chair. Robbie pulled him close as he rolled onto his back.

“My pretty little Sportafuck.” Robbie nibbled his ear,his purr rattling through them to meet Alex's.

“My Robbie.” He agreed happily. “My big beautiful boy, Robbie.” He twisted to catch his mouth. He stretched, clenching down even as he felt his partner slip free. Alex loved it when his husband curled around him like this, long arms holding him possessively, face nuzzled into his neck. He loved just about everything about his husband, but he especially treasured the times Robbie supported him. Partly because of their initial adversarial conflicts, and partly because of his own hero complex, Alex needed to be reminded sometimes that he too was cared for.

~

The group bound for the city was packed and ready to head out by the time the lovers emerged from their den. Dawn was wearing an ash grey beanie with a matching sundress. Isan looked like he was going to rob a bank, and his skin tone appeared even less human in comparison to the monochrome. Pixel was busy training volunteers to help him synthesize more of the alleged antidote. Trixie and Stephanie had an uneasy silence as the travelers piled into the vehicle, the two girls in the back, the elves in the middle and husbands in front.

It was not long before some of the passengers began to regret their decision, it began when Alex started singing along to Toto’s Africa, and became unbearable when Robbie, who was driving, joined in as they began making eyes at one another. The elves were out of their element, but eventually Stephanie joined in with the radio, and Trixie was won over. Dawn did her best to adapt, but Isan startled everyone when he belted out an ACDC song.

The trip seemed faster than last time, perhaps because of gained confidence, time for recovery or the company.

 

They made sure to park a reasonable distance from the factory and checked the news to guess at Íþróttaálfurinn’s present location. The girls stayed at the car, as the men headed to meet with Glanni. Alex was glamoured to look like Íþróttaálfurinn’s mundane alter ego again and Isan merely faded away from attention, as if only visible from a sidelong glance. 

The factory workers paid them little attention other than to stay out of their way as they headed purposefully into the office.

 

Glanni was sitting back in his chair with his boots on the table. “I'm glad to see you got my invitation! And you responded so quickly, I'm flattered, you're looking much better than the last time I saw you.” He stood up and peered at them more closely. “The glamour has certainly improved, butt please, we're all friends here.”

Robbie growled but dropped the false mien. Isan seemed to solidify and Glanni fixed him with a delighted expression.

“I like your new friend, understands subtlety.” Glanni grinned and extended a hand, half bowing as he crossed his legs. “I am the infamous Glanni Glæpur.”

“Isan.” He shook the man’s hand firmly before cracking a grin. “I've been trying to teach these idiots to defend themselves.”

Glanni's eyebrows arched. “Impressive.”

Alex seemed surprised by their interaction and Robbie was mildly disgusted, clearing his throat to say. “I was under the impression that we were here for business.”

Glanni pouted. “No fun.” He sauntered back to his seat and gestured to the chairs in front of the desk.

Alex and Robbie sat, but Isan continued to stand, his eyes unwavering from Glanni.

“I assume that you have updated yourselves on current events?” Glanni asked pulling out a cigarette.

“Your master has control of the military, has started to spread internationally and will bring about the zombie apocalypse.” Robbie outlined.

Glanni nodded boredly. “I assume that you went to see the Light Courts, any luck there?”

“Not particularly.” Alex admitted sheepishly.

Glanni didn't look surprised. “They're too slow to act.”

“What happened before you came here?” Robbie demanded.

“The takeover wasn't so smooth. People were slower to trust and work with us, my master hadn't learned to control himself, there were a lot of failed experiments to perfect the formula. In the end the humans panicked and turned on each other and the Light Courts couldn't stop it. Our world was dying, even Avalon couldn't hold back the decay. It was a very near thing for us to escape. Just casting a spell powerful enough to open a way between worlds required a great sacrifice, and if I hadn't found the spell Robbie was casting to latch onto we would have died with the rest.”

“What's to stop the same thing from happening again?”

Glanni sighed. “Unfortunately you two. My master doesn't have the control he thinks he does over his armies. Their hunger will overpower them in the end. He thinks that he will be able to use them to accomplish his goals before then, and expects that the dead will fall when I sever the spell. He won't listen to me that they will be self sustaining magically by that point. He's a broken man, and has been for some time. The only thing we can do is try to stop him and compensate for the collateral damage.”

They were all silent as they considered the situation.

 

“So. What now?” Robbie asked grimly.

Glanni leaned back and pulled some files out of a hidden compartment in a drawer. “These are the spells which bind me. Study them. There will be a critical moment I will need you to release me, so that I can sever him from his power. Hopefully you will be able to defeat him then.” He took a drag from the cigarette. “Alex is the only one who can release it.”

“And what then? When you're free to take advantage of all your terrible knowledge and magical might?” Robbie demanded.

“I keep the Dark Court from falling to pieces when their ruler dies.”

“Why not let it? Destroy it while it's disorganized.”

Glanni looked at Robbie like he was a spoiled child. “The only thing that keeps the Unseelie from running amok on Wild Hunts is that the Dark Courts enforce order.” Glanni snorted. “And do you think that you can rely on the Seelie to do anything about it?”

Robbie's face fell, and he sulked.

“And I think that this concludes our meeting.” Glanni extinguished his cigarette.

Alex and Robbie nodded, rising to their feet.

“You're injured.” Isan sniffed, staring at Glanni.

The crime boss flinched but tried to hide it as he reached for another cigarette.

“Íþróttaálfurinn does hurt him.” Alex said softly.

“Don't speak his name in here.” Glanni spat, eyes wild, cigarette flung away thoughtlessly. Isan reached a hand to the man's face.

 

“Show me.” His tone was soft but commanding, and Glanni froze. Isan absorbed the glamour as Alex and Robbie gasped. The man's face was broken, bruised, his throat fully purple with fingerprints. Isan pulled down the zipper along Glanni's torso, each inch revealing more wounds. Claw marks, gashes, swollen lumps. Glanni kept his head held high and avoided eye contact, suddenly gasping when Isan's hand hovered above his heated crotch.

Isan turned to the would be heroes. “Go. If I don't join you in twenty minutes, leave.”

Hesitantly they nodded and left.

 

~

 

The first several moments in the car after the men left were spent in tense silence. Eventually Dawn sighed and commented. “You should really just talk about it.”

Stephanie and Trixie jumped, each stammering refusals and glancing around wildly.

Dawn simply looked at the other girls patiently, before Stephanie sighed and spoke.

“I think... I know.... I like you Trixie. I really like you, a-and I always have.... I know you and Pixel are together now but-”

“We're not. We broke up like... A couple of days after you left.” Trixie admitted. “I only dated him to make you jealous... I should probably apologize to him.”

“Me too, to be honest.”

“That's something that you two should do together.” Dawn agreed with a smile.

Trixie noticed that Stephanie had reached out to hold her hand, and Trixie squeezed in response.

“You really like helping people don't you?” Stephanie asked admiringly.

Trixie looked between the two and asked. “Do elves know what polyamory is?”

Dawn cocked her head. “I'm not sure? Many loves? I think is what that means?”

Trixie grinned and Stephanie blushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha you've been tricked, this was polyamorous propoganda the whole time!
> 
> Anyway, next chapter starts with porn again and then OC back story dump.


	21. Bosom Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Half porn, half info dump and a plot hook.

“You aren't allowed to cum.” Isan observed, turning back to Glanni, who was shaking despite himself.

“I'm not allowed to pleasure myself.” He choked in confirmation as Isan palmed his bulge again.

“I can help you with that.” The brawny elf offered.

It took all of Glanni's willpower not to beg. “You can't fix me, he'll know, he looks for the marks he leaves.”

“I can remove his geas on you. Set you free and take you with us.” Isan offered, eyes roving the patterns of magic on the collar at Glanni's throat as he breathed upon it.

“I can't.” Glanni gasped. “He would know. They aren't ready to face him yet.”

“They'll never be ready to face him. That's why you need all the help you can get.” Isan's eyes were soft as he met Glanni's face again.

Glanni's nails bit into his palms. “Are you going to get me off or what?”

“I wanted to offer you a chance at freedom first.” Isan shrugged sadly but without undue disappoinment, clearly he hadn't expected the offer to be accepted.

“Why do you want to help me? You aren't like those wanna be hero saps.” Glanni demanded.

“Because I feel like we can have a more mutually satisfactory arrangement than you have with them. I'm a creature from the pits myself and although I am glad to be free, there are times I miss aspects of it.” Isan was tender as he examined each wound, careful as he tasted them, savoring the pain.

“You're going to get off on this.” Glanni snorted.

“This may surprise you but the Seelie are prudes who frown on the whole BDSM thing.” Isan purred.

“No kidding?” Glanni knew his voice was pitching higher, but true to his word the short man paid great attention to the detail of his job.

“I was a slave driver in the pit, I didn't understand the difference between pleasure and pain until it was taught to me in order to wield them. I fixed the broken toys, and then I broke them for others. I did my job and did it well, my masters rewarded me often and I took pride in having a purpose.”

“Are you gonna suck my cock or what, I didn't sign up for the tragic back story.” Glanni tried to sound fierce and unmoved, but could feel the chuckle rumble across his belly.

“Just because I want to help you doesn't mean that I'm in a rush. I'm savoring this opportunity, I will probably never taste abuse like this again.” Isan's tone was bittersweet.

“You really think that you can stop it?” Glanni wasn't hopeful, but he wanted to hear lies of platitudes.

“No, of course not. You refuse to leave. That doesn't mean I can't continue to help. Your master is an amateur. If he'd known what he was doing you wouldn't want to fight him, but then, I think that's how he wants you.”

“Is that what you're going to do to me?” Glanni wanted to struggle and push back, but the collar would not let him indulge such desires.

“Oh no, I have learned to much prefer free will, you will choose to accept my help.” Isan stopped and stood, catching Glanni’s eyes. Smouldering grey fell into midnight blue, inky depths like the abyssal sea.

“You really think that you can outwit the likes of my master?”

“Of course, I could dissolve his every design upon you if I pleased, and I would like to, but you insist that he must not know, so I have to be careful with how I interfere.” He kissed along the sweat stained leather collar. “But if you would really like me to be thorough, you will have to open yourself to me.”

“Why?”

“I want to take your pain for myself and he will know if you are not responding appropriately, just as he would know if I removed your wounds without a trace.”

“What do you want?” Glanni forced through a swallow.

“I will be your shadow. Your foolish master will only ever see a spot on the floor, the punishment your body takes will flow through me, and when he leaves I can make things better again. First I need to set a measure of what he expects, and I need that from you. I will have to hide myself within you where he can't see me, but you will have to be willing to let me in.”

“You want in my head.”

“No, the mind is the easy part, I have to get into your soul.” Isan chuckled darkly.

“I didn't know that I still had one of those.” Glanni huffed with false bravado. Isan waited as he thought it over. Finally he replied. “Finish sucking my cock, prove you can do that without setting him off and I'll believe your brags.”

Isan grinned, first using his teeth against the sensitive skin below Glanni's ear, and then working his way back down to his throbbing, engorged member. Glanni whimpered as Isan deliberately licked over every inch, tasting and cleansing him. Sharp teeth nibbled gently, with just enough edge to be threatening, and then Glanni gasped, collapsing forward as he felt himself swallowed in a single gulp. Low purring rumbled around him, and the elf’s throat had an unusual amount of texture. Glanni was sobbing with the intensity, his own purring felt like it would shake his chest apart.

His fingers clutched into the thick black hair, disturbing it from its ties, and barely realized that he was thrusting freely until after he felt himself drained.

Glanni sunk to the floor, as Isan pulled away with a gasp. Glanni reached out with awe to see the long slashes of gills along the man’s neck. Isan grinned at the touch as the organs flexed and closed off. “They aren't great for breathing air but it sure lets me hold my breath awhile.” He smirked.

“You're mer.”

“Part. A bit of other things thrown in.” Isan admitted.

“How did you? I... How doesn't he know?” Glanni demanded, feeling dizzy.

“I'm a quick read of character, between the visit with our mutual friends and our alone time I picked up a solid baseline for your emotional state. It will work while your leash holder is distant, but I will need your cooperation to go deeper, so that even when I am roaming he won't be able to see me.”

“What's it going to feel like for me? Are you gonna be forever bound to me or something like the saps?”

“No, no, but similar principles apply. Theirs was an accidental arrangement, neither of them really understand what they did. I was taught how to make, break and alter such things on command. It can be harmful if repeated enough on the same person, but quite harmless in the short term.” Isan explained.

“If I'm letting you into me will I have access to you?” Glanni asked speculatively.

Isan looked at him thoughtfully. “Do you really want to?”

“Give me some measure of leverage on you, I don't want to be totally without power to you.” Glanni insisted.

“I won't have power over you, only access to where you will allow me. That said, if you must know, my greatest vulnerability is my daughter, Dawn. She's a healer traveling with them.”

“Oh.” Glanni was surprised.

“She takes after her mother.” Isan shrugged.

“Why tell me that?”

“It's the truth.”

“And you don't worry that I'll use it against you? I am the villain’s lapdog.” Glanni sneered.

“I don't trust you. I know you don't really trust me. I do trust the two idiots keeping her safe, and I trust her to look after herself. I wouldn't have accepted her leaving her mother's side otherwise, even if she was under more threat at home.” Isan was blunt.

“Okay, so what do I gotta do? Bend over?” Glanni changed the subject coarsely.

“I mean it's a nice view, but I need you to look at me.”

Glanni set his jaw and looked again into the abyss. He sank in slowly, and he could tell that Isan was trying to be innocuous even as utter darkness overwhelmed them. It was a good kind of darkness, cool and refreshing like falling asleep on clean sheets.

When Glanni opened his eyes he was alone in his office, heart pounding. He looked down at his feet, then shrieked and jumped on the desk when his shadow waved at him. “Christ I didn't think that you were being literal!”

“I'm not prone to the metaphorical.” Isan explained as he returned to a solid form. He tilted his head at the clock. “Better send an update to our friends, they're liable to start worrying about me soon.”

 

~

 

“He'll be fine. We should probably leave, I don't think he's going to come with us.” Dawn commented, playing with her hair. Robbie and Alex had been slightly surprised to find all three girls together in the back seat, the elf maiden in the middle but had not commented on it.

“What makes you say that?” Stephanie asked, wide-eyed.

Dawn shrugged. “He's stubborn, he trusts you guys," She gestured to Alex and Robbie. "He... Had a certain look on his face.”

“Oh?” Trixie had earlier admitted sheepishly that she'd found the older elf man attractive, which the other girls had giggled over.

Dawn looked at the others in the car. “Okay, so, I am pretty sure that the reason I'm on this mission with you guys isn't just that Stephanie needed help. I'm barely more than a novice myself.”

“You're really good though.” Stephanie defended.

“Yeah but I'm barely graduated. Anyway, they think that I don't know, but my parents are Isan and the Matron. I'm pretty sure that the conspirators were threatening my life to force her testimony. I mean she does care about all her students, but it would be difficult to pick off members of the healers without attracting notice. 

“My mom never tried to show me special treatment, I grew up with one of Alex's cousins and it was pretty clear that I was an only child solely because my 'parents’ couldn't conceive. They didn't know that I looked into their health histories after I got into school. So I knew I was adopted, and I had to try and find out who my real parents were, because I knew that the information was being hidden intentionally. Elven children aren't born very often, so there were only a few possibilities when I could have been born, and so I looked at all the birthing records in Avalon around the time of my birth.

“I only found one that lined up correctly and I thought I had hit a dead end because my mother's name was a pseudonym, and I hadn't been given a birth name.

“It took me awhile to figure it out, the Matron treats everyone like her own child. I might never have figured it out if I hadn't fallen through the ice one winter. I was scared at first because I didn't think anyone was around to see me fall. I started to realize that I didn't actually feel cold or short of breath. Isan pulled me free, and I didn't know at the time how out of character his demeanor was when he rescued me. I figured anyone would have been just as concerned about a child in danger.

“It didn't really click until I saw them together a couple times. They weren't really a couple. I had been there when I heard him yell at her about carelessness in letting me out on the ice unattended, but again at that point I just thought he was behaving like usual, I didn't know him at all.

“I think it was after a really tough case where a patient died that I saw her leave, I didn't know she was my mother yet but I knew she was upset. I tried to follow her to give her support, but instead I followed her to Isan’s place. I noticed after that, any time there was a death or particularly traumatic injury she would go to his place and then come back in a better mood. I just thought it was an affair and didn't want to intrude, until I saw them meeting privately and I heard him whisper her nickname. 

“My birth mother had given her name as Midnight in another town, from whence my adoptive parents had allegedly moved after having me.

“I only realized Isan had to be my father after I heard that he would go swimming in the winter, could breathe underwater and eats mostly fish.”

 

The others were surprised by the story, caught off guard and trying to correlate the facts as they knew them. A little black paper butterfly interrupted the heavy silence, again landing on Robbie's hand.

Robbie cleared his throat before paraphrasing. “Isan is staying. And... Glanni gave us an address.... WHERE ZIGGY IS!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now to recover whatever is left of Ziggy.


	22. Kidnapping Caper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody loves a good heist story.

Trixie called Stingy to let him know that they would need to impose upon him as they plotted their course. They couldn't rule out whether or not Ziggy would be guarded, and the five of them were not particularly confident of their ability to pull off a kidnapping.

The apartment building was a more expensive building near the center of downtown in a heavily public and surveilled area. They knew where he was living, but did not know the status of his current condition or location. They decided to park overnight in a neighboring parking garage, hoping that Robbie's glamours were enough to avoid suspicion from the security.

While they waited for their friend to make an appearance, they considered their plan. It was quickly decided that their first course of action would be to slip him the antidote. Trixie pointed out that delivery personnel were practically invisible to security officers, and no one questioned how she knew this. They discussed the possible wards and enchantments which might keep him sealed away, as well as the mundane security forces they might encounter.

The first stage of the plan was to send Dawn as a take out delivery person, via which the antidote could be consumed, and while she was at it could examine what she could of the magical defenses.

The next step was to discuss backup plans as well as how they would actually extract Ziggy. Ideally Dawn could convince him to leave voluntarily, but they knew that they would at minimum require someone to keep watch from the parking garage, someone to be a getaway driver, and Alex would need to be on standby in case of a physical altercation, Stephanie would be ready to offer first aid.

A few possible triggers that they anticipated would be alarms for the mere presence of Alex and Robbie; the act of magical interference; or the severing of Ziggy's connection via the antidote. It was agreed that time was of the essence and that this was likely a last ditch effort to rescue Ziggy. He hadn't been seen in any recent advertisements or performances, and they couldn't predict whether or not he would have turned already. The results of the antidote on an already turned specimen were inconclusive so far.

They hoped that it would be as simple as sending Dawn in, having her convince Ziggy to come downstairs, and then go directly to Stingy's house in the suburbs. The number of unknowns to this plan did not fill anyone with confidence.

Robbie and Trixie argued over who would drive and who would observe from the parking garage. Eventually it was decided that Trixie would drive and Robbie would stay across the street, as his magic would hopefully be useful over the distance.

The girls left to find a suitable take out restaurant, both to use as a disguise as well as to feed their crew, and potentially a starving Ziggy.

Robbie and Alex enjoyed the time alone to decompress in the car, discussing details and remaining vigilant, their last stakeouts sharp in their minds. At one point Robbie made a speculative hum, and Alex looked at him in askance.

“I was just thinking, maybe we should just make it a tradition to just keep having extra wedding ceremonies.” Robbie teased with a half serious grin.

Alex giggled. “That sounds wonderful, a never ending honeymoon.”

“At least until we get sick of each other.” Robbie's smile was a little more forced with that comment.

Alex scoffed and kissed his husband. “Never going to happen. I couldn't get you out of my head even when you tried everything you could to chase me off, I'll never give up on you now that I know you can't resist me.” Alex fluttered his eyes and swooned into Robbie's arms.

He had to laugh at that as he dropped his head to kiss him, taking an extra moment to run his tongue over his husband's lips. “Your moustache is growing back.” He noted. Alex beamed.

“I know.” He twisted the few extra centimeters of facial hair at the edges of his mouth with pride.

 

“Hah! You owe me $20!” Stephanie shouted as the door of the car rattled.

“They could have sucked cocks!” Trixie defended. “Did you?” She asked Robbie hopefully.

“Even if we had, I wouldn't tell you.” Robbie sneered. Alex was laughing.

“Neither of them show signs of post orgasmic behaviors, if I we're to hazard a guess they were barely working up to foreplay.” Dawn noted clinically.

“You were really betting on whether or not we would be having sex when you got back?” Alex tried to sound stern but was chuckling.

“You guys have years of unresolved sexual frustration to work off.” Trixie rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, but we weren't going to be gone that long and although I don't know about Robbie I don't think Spo-Alex is an exhibitionist.” Stephanie looked at them critically. “At least, not in front of kids he helped to raise.” There was a little bit of a hint of a threat there.

Alex put his hands up and laughed. “You would know more about that than I.”

Stephanie turned beet red and whacked him with a bag of food.

“I didn't hear that story!” Trixie piped up.

“Oh my god no!” Stephanie groaned, covering her face.

“Well with that response it's not my story to tell.” Alex dismissed. “But you might ask Pixel about it.”

Stephanie whacked him again as Robbie leaned back and offered. “I might know a bit about that.” Stephanie, scandalized, hit him this time, the styrofoam carton inside having smashed open in the bag by now.

“Robbie Rotten!” She yelled in warning.

“Oh my god, tell me, tell me, tell me!” Trixie begged.

“I don't know if it would be worth my while.” He replied, glancing between the two girls. He shared a look with Alex, who only started to giggle more uncontrollably.

 

“That's Ziggy right?!” Dawn interrupted, pointing to a shadowy figure moving through the apartment.

The atmosphere sobered in an instant.

“That means it's go time isn't it?” Stephanie asked.

“Afraid so.” Robbie exited the driver's seat and fluffed up his coat.

~

Quickly Dawn was disguised in the appropriate uniform, the car idled nearby and she strode into the building as casually as she could while carrying several food items. A hidden device transmitted audio, but they would only have visual on her from the lobby and apartment hallway.

“Food again already?” The security officer on duty asked. “It's like they're having a party up there every night with how much food they order.”

Dawn made it to the apartment door without incident and she appeared to be perfectly composed, even as the rest of the group grew steadily more tense.

A large man, unmistakably a bodyguard opened the door. “That's a lot of food for a little girl like yourself to be carrying, why don't you come inside and we'll help you set it down.” He offered. Dawn nodded and entered the room, her audio feed cutting out as soon as she crossed the threshold.

 

The team swore as they lost all contact with the most critical member of the plan. Robbie and Alex confirmed the lack while Stephanie listened desperately in the hopes that the feed would go live again. Trixie drummed at the steering wheel and later they all swore that it was the longest wait of their lives.

“I have visual.” Robbie's voice crackled over the line. “I don't know what's going on but Dawn, two bodyguards and what I can only assume is Ziggy are heading to the elevator. They seemed hurried but I can't tell if they were struggling or distressed.”

Alex decided to head towards the lobby, Stephanie waited in the back seat as Trixie drove up to the entrance. 

 

Robbie cursed after making the mistake of looking down where his cohorts were moving below. He took a woozy step backwards and several deep breaths to settle his nerves, knowing that he would need to look again in order to teleport down to join them.

Suddenly his feed burst to life with the sounds of all hell breaking loose, taking a moment to focus on Alex, he snapped his fingers and hoped he didn't faint.

~

Alex approached the security desk with his head down and hat pulled low over his face. He timidly began to speak veritable nonsense at the man working there pretending not to understand English as he kept his eyes glued to the bank of elevators.

He saw the two bodyguards first. Ziggy seemed exceptionally disoriented and Dawn behind them, distant, was wringing her hands anxiously. Alex took several deep breaths and judged the distance and speeds required before deciding that he had his best chance. Focusing all his determination, he sprinted between the body guards, leaping over their heads in a roll, then wrapping an arm around Ziggy before grabbing onto Dawn in a similar fashion. The bodyguards had just managed to turn and draw weapons while the security guard spoke into a walkie talkie. Alex exhaled, and then ran at the wall, praying that neither of his passengers threw off his balance.

He heard a gun fire just behind him as he charged to the exit in a mad dash. He knew that his only saving grace was when one bodyguard told the other. “Don't shoot the client!”

He didn't have long, although he was faster and more fit, the bodyguards were not far behind, he tossed Ziggy and Dawn into the back of the SUV, which Stephanie had mercifully left open. He heard gunshots and Trixie yelped. Alex turned and the world went slow, there was a man with a gun, pulling it up to aim at him. His first reaction was to slap it away, but he wasn't able to respond in time to miss a fist colliding with his face.

On his knees, Alex looked up in shock, uncertain what to do next, helplessly watching the gun rise towards him again. He could just see the barrel opening widening, when the gunman crumpled, Robbie's fist arcing through the space of the man's head. He grabbed Alex's hand and roughly pushed his husband into the suddenly very crowded back seat.

“Hold him!” A female voice screamed into the elf's ear as Ziggy lashed out at him. His training finally took over as he twisted their limbs into a grappling hold. The car door slammed and the engine revved. It was only then that Alex noticed the blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is that I already have the next chapter written.
> 
> The bad news is that I won't be posting it for a little while.


	23. Triage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are solidly moving into the endgame here friends. Are you excited because I'm excited, I haven't been so excited since-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys really deserve the relief so soon as no one commented last time, but it's already been written and I'm working on a chapter or two ahead right now so.

Stingy was half asleep waiting on his couch, waiting for his old friends from Lazy Town to arrive. He expected it would be a fairly tame night as they had only slept on the drive over and had been running errands all night.

He was completely unprepared when six screaming, shouting, moaning people burst into his living room. He stared in shock at the sight of blood and bones, and could hardly recognize the range of terrified faces. Stingy yelped and leapt back on the couch as one bloody victim landed at his feet. He managed to recognize Trixie, and then Stephanie who was crouching over her screaming. “She's losing consciousness! What do I do?!”

A smooth featured man with a grim expression tried to reassure her in a familiar baritone, as a blonde with a thin moustache struggled with a skeletal figure vomiting... Something vile, as a girl with peculiarly iridescent hair tended him cautiously.

The dark haired man snapped his intense grey eyes on Stingy. “Get some clean towels, boiling water and any first aid supplies you have.” Stingy nodded weakly and dashed off to find the demanded items.

 

~

 

“They took my poster boy!” Íþróttaálfurinn snarled. Glanni's master was livid, having grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into the wall without bothering to slam the office door behind him. Glanni thought that perhaps this would be the day that the elf finally killed him. His eyes had glassed over as the darkness closed in. It didn't last long, there were a couple of loud bangs, at least one of which was his body slamming into the desk.

Íþróttaálfurinn was more brutal than usual, drawing blood and paying special attention to existing injuries. Glanni's body responded vigorously, but the man himself was insulated from the reality of it, indeed the only sensation he could feel was an indirect source of pleasure. He could just taste the edge of the pain, enough to make it interesting. Isan had been better than his word, having been gradually draining away the sensation of pain so that it wouldn't overwhelm him with shock at relief. Now he was almost bored by the soft and warm sensations he felt instead.

As if in response sensation began to ease back in, he could hear his master growing close to finish, the hateful curses losing venom, perhaps even choked up. He knew that the few occasions that emotions still escaped Íþróttaálfurinn was when he sated himself using Glanni's abused body. It was a weird redirection that the elf needed, to blame Glanni for his descent into evil deeds, blaming the corruption on his desires for the criminal. Glanni had been taking it all for years, to the point where he knew that whatever was wrong with the elf had gone wrong before first using him.

Íþróttaálfurinn threw him to the ground and left with a command to clean up. The door rattled as it closed. Glanni wanted to lay there but instead his body swayed onto hands and knees as Isan separated himself. The short elf leaned against the desk woozily.

“He doesn't hold back much does he?” The bestial man commented, running his hands along his body as Glanni registered the lack of pain he'd been expecting to feel. Instead he found himself with a new spring in his step, and a curious arousal.

“You lived up to the hype, how did you enjoy it?”

“I went too easy on you, could barely taste your hate. He had enough to spare for now though.” Isan seemed remarkably unrattled by the experience as Glanni poured a glass of bourbon. Isan accepted the offer of one himself. Glanni found it remarkable how light he felt suddenly, strong and confident in a way he wasn't sure he could remember being. He knew part of it was the presence of the other man, but it was more than just the result of an absence of pain.

Glanni nearly broke his glass as he realized through the sear of alcohol he'd accidentally inhaled. The feeling was hope.

Isan was watching him hungrily, a question budding in his expression. 

“See something you like?” Glanni fluttered his eyelashes coquettishly.

“Your douche almighty goes in dry. I was thinking that you might like some TLC for your chapped asshole.”

“You're so generous.” Glanni purred.

“I don't often get to enjoy quality time with beautiful men.” Isan admitted.

“At least one of us is going to get spoiled here, and then one of us will tire of the other.” Glanni sighed.

“Both of us probably.” Isan admitted.

Glanni found the directness a relief, no well meaning lies, no passive aggression or denial. No need to pretend. He threw back the contents of his glass and shrugged. He spread his legs and sprawled his body over the desk. Isan certainly was hungry, and the healing touch combined with the greedy consumption soon had Glanni bucking against the furniture.

“I'll say one thing for your bad Dom, at least his jizz tastes great.” Isan wiped his mouth and admired Glanni's wanton sprawl.

“Well, there were reasons I didn't try to escape him as much as I could have in the beginning.”

“Do you want to fuck me?” Isan asked, looking at Glanni's hard on.

“Really?” Glanni asked quizzically. “Wasn't... Earlier... Bad enough for you?”

Isan shrugged. “Channeling someone else's experiences isn't the same as having your own.”

Glanni stroked himself thoughtfully. “All right. Bend over.” The gangly criminal tried to conceal his excitement as the short elf stripped, where Íþróttaálfurinn was fit, trimmed to peak physical condition, Isan was meaty and built. The man was solid and stocky, thick in a way that suggested immovable objects.

Glanni couldn't have resisted the sight of that firm ass opening for him if he'd wanted to. Glanni groaned as he entered the slick heat, feeling the man's purr rumble through him like the bass in a nightclub. Glanni gasped and gripped the narrow hips, digging his fingernails in to anchor himself. It had been so very long since Glanni had been allowed to take his own pleasure and it took a tremendous amount of self control to savor the experience, the sensation so fresh he felt like the slightest breeze would set him off.

Wanting to reward the man volunteering for his service, his servitude, Glanni reached a hand under his belly and firmly grasped the thick heat of the other man’s shaft. The low grunts and growls coming from below him were deeper than his own, the scent of his musk savory. Glanni tried so hard to pace himself but was seeing stars before he could feel wetness forming at his partner's tip. “I'm sorry he groaned.” Thrusting his release deep into the other man as tears of relief flowed down his face.

Isan chuckled. “It's not a problem. My ass is a little more tender than expected so I probably would have been uncomfortable if you'd lasted much longer.” The man rolled over to sit on the desk, clenching his ass against the wood thoughtfully.

Glanni found himself drawn to Isan's dick, firm and thick, but of only about average length. “You know, I haven't done this for fun in awhile.” The criminal dropped to his knees and crawled between Isan's. The dick filled his mouth but didn't choke him, he could only just swallow at the tip. It was a relief to be able to suck a cock and breathe for once. A mixture of gratitude, pride and showmanship drove him to be aggressive in pleasuring the man, working him over vigorously. He was delighted when the hot, salty and bitter cum coated his mouth. He swallowed eagerly, lapping away at each drop and continuing to tease as Isan shuddered, digging his nails into the desk.

“I think that was the best blowjob of my life.” Isan gasped, collapsing across the desk. Glanni pulled a lollipop out of a drawer and popped it in his mouth.

“I've never had a complaint.”

 

~

 

“We'll know if they make it through the night.” Dawn explained softly. They'd needed to tie and bind Ziggy, barricading him in the bathroom in the hopes that his condition would improve. Trixie was unconscious on the couch, limbs elevated and settled as comfortably as possible. Stingy was sitting on the floor with Stephanie near Trixie, Dawn and Alex were sitting on the other couch with glassy long distance stares. Robbie paced, grumbling to himself and flickering.

“So...” Stingy asked finally. “Is anyone going to fill me in on what's happening?” He paused as his exhausted and adrenaline crashing companions seemed to notice him for the first time. “I mean this is my house.” He sniffed.

“It's a long story.” Robbie snapped, a bit more tersely than necessary.

“Where do we start?” Alex asked weakly.

“At the beginning of course!” Stingy insisted.

Robbie and Alex exchanged a look. Their first words were a simultaneous, “I made a mistake...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have written a lot of smut for this story.


	24. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Consequences are dealt with fairly gracefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost feel like a hypocrite for all that I have criticized the healing dick trope in slash, but I think I have been doing a pretty accurate portrayal of recovery, at least, based on my own experiences. Having sex during a panic attack is no bueno, but after you've come down a little, and especially if you're silly with your partner it's a nice relief afterwards.
> 
> The biggest discrepancy between my sex life and the smut I write is the lack of farting, as well as characters in smut being insatiable bottoms.
> 
> Combat is stressful no matter how much you train for it, a real fight tosses everything else out the window sometimes.
> 
> Also, totally listened to "here comes a thought" from Steven Universe while writing the first scene.

“Well, I think he handled that fairly well.” Robbie offered. “I mean considering the apocalypse.”

Alex was mostly nonreactive as he flopped onto the bed of the guest room, still suspended between shock and coming down from the events of the day.

Robbie pulled him close, and started to caress his face, purring unevenly. Alex struggled to focus, his body trembling periodically. “I almost died today.” He finally seemed to realize. “I messed up... I couldn't.... I didn't-” He stammered, feeling tears welling up.

Robbie gave him a squeeze and shushed him. “It's okay, all the training in the world can't prepare you for a real fight. No plan ever survives contact with the enemy.” He reassured, running his fingers through the elf’s hair and down his neck in long strokes. “You did fine.” Robbie felt tears of relief run down his own face. “You're alive, I'm alive, we’re alive and we'll look out for each other.”

“You saved me today.” Alex sniffled, smiling sadly as he reached out to his husband's face.

Robbie shrugged his thin shoulders. “It will take a bit for us to be even in that respect. I would rather not have to rely on me. I think I almost passed out just teleporting down. I forgot about how high up I was until I had to look down.”

Alex's eyes widened. “You're growing so much braver.”

Robbie laughed bitterly. “I have never been so terrified in my life as I was when I saw that man pointing a gun at you.”

“But you didn't freeze up.” Alex whimpered.

“I have frozen up more than enough times, believe me.” Robbie leaned his forehead to the other’s, gazing into his watering blue eyes. “I don't know what I'd do without you.”

“Hopefully not inadvertently start the end of the world again.” Alex teased dryly.

Robbie stared for a long moment and Alex worried that he'd accidentally hit a nerve, but then the former villain began to quake with laughter. “I'm just so glad we're okay. You're okay. You're here.”

“I'm here.” Alex confirmed, finally returning the embrace.

They kissed softly and just smiled at each other while tears flowed down their faces, accompanied by nervous laughter. Gradually their nerves evened out, the kisses becoming both more playful and more heated. They teased and tickled, giggling like children before Alex finally pinned his husband, kissing him with delight. Robbie growled and reversed their position, not minding that Alex let him. He took the opportunity to plant playful kisses all over his body, rubbing his coarse stubble against tender skin to make Alex squirm.

The feel of one another helped to ground them, reassuring the reality that they were still alive. Clothing was shed as a matter of fact, part of the process of preparing for bed, as well as to expose more skin for mischief.

Their bodies twined together warmly, still kissing each other's faces and holding one another tight. They clasped their hands together, before mutually moving to grip where they were rubbing their dicks together. They moved slowly, tenderly, tears of emotion still fresh, balming the strain of their journey with appreciation for one another's presence.

They came gradually, working each other up to the task while whispering their love, gasping between kisses, tender nibbles. After holding each other in contented silence for a moment, Alex snorted with laughter. “We didn't even unmake the bed.”

“Well at least it will be easy to just pull the comforter off and throw it in the wash.” Robbie agreed, his expression a mix of smugness and sheepish, as he eyed the mess they'd made. He laughed and pulled his husband into another pleased kiss. Something between a hum and a purr trailed from his throat.

 

~

 

“Well, he's not dead.” Dawn offered flatly, Ziggy at some point in the night having lapsed into unconsciousness. It would be a waiting game to see if he would recover or decline. Trixie had stirred optimistically, but it would take time for her to recover from the blood loss.

They exchanged the SUV for a van, laying the injured out on the seats with their heads pillowed in a healer's lap. Stephanie and Trixie were in the rear as least concern, Ziggy and Dawn in the middle and again Robbie drove while Alex remained on alert to intervene if Ziggy became aggressive again. It was a long, tense ride back to Lazy Town.

 

~

 

They refused to call their physical intimacy affection, even after necking like teenagers or clinging together in post coital afterglow, they taunted each other with slurs and threats.

“I was wondering.” Glanni began one night, Isan's head on his chest. The elf grunted in response. “With your gills, does that mean that you can suck dick underwater indefinitely?”

Isan snorted. “Of course. It's easier in cooler water though, hot water doesn't hold as much oxygen.”

“No blowjobs in the bath or the hot tub then?”

“I didn't say I couldn't, but bubbles help.”

“Sounds like a date then.”

“Gay.” Isan grinned into his chest, trying to hide his pleasure. Glanni pet his thick hair smugly.

 

~

 

Alex was impressed by the progress of human muscle in the process of rebuilding the town, even fortifying it. It had been impressive while taking part in the process, but returning and seeing the difference of just a few days was on a whole new level.

They were greeted by a cautious guard patrol, but very quickly the area was crowded with eager citizens after they were identified. The word must have traveled fast because soon Pixel was helping as they began to unload and asked. “Is that Ziggy? Is, is he?”

“He’s alive but it's a bit dodgy.” Robbie explained, carrying the emaciated figure as Alex helped manage a bitterly complaining Trixie.

“How has research been?” Stephanie asked Pixel shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Oh uh, good I think.” Pixel stammered awkwardly.

A tense silence stretched out, but before either of them lost the nerve Stephanie apologized. “Me and Trixie wanted to do this together, but I think that I should address it now. I just, we really wanted to apologize for everything we put you through. It really wasn't fair of us to drag you into our problems, and I'm sorry for hurting you.”

Pixel sighed with relief, almost collapsing. “I'm really happy to hear that actually. I kinda realized, after everything... Don't get me wrong, it was... Fun... What we, all of us had... But I... I don't think I actually really like having sex? I know that guys don't usually...”

Stephanie gave him a hug. “There's nothing wrong with being asexual Pixel.” The young man hesitantly patted her back. “Actually, speaking of which, so is Dawn, who I guess is also my girlfriend now, with Trixie?”

“That's, really great for you guys. You're all so cute, I can't wait to see what it will look like when you all go out for a date. If you guys ever need anything from me, let me know.” Pixel was genuinely pleased.

“Thank you so much, you're such a good friend!”

“Yeah, that's me.” Pixel said weakly, tucking his hands into his pockets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Pixel, just because he's ace doesn't mean he's aro. He'll get better things from life later.


	25. Good Morning Cruel World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sinister cackling*

All in all, Robbie thought he could get used to waking up like this, his husband in his lap, grinding on him, kissing at his neck. “Good morning to you too love.” Robbie mumbled as he stretched.

“Sorry, I thought you were awake.” Alex looked only slightly apologetic.

“Well I am now.” Robbie purred, kissing deeply. Alex was naked in the blink of an eye, and Robbie grinned as he broke the kiss to free himself. “You're very eager.”

“Well I woke up with you humping my side and moaning.” Alex retorted, running his hands over Robbie's chest. It still stunned him how much the elf seemed to worship his body, especially with how slight and lumpy he was in comparison.

“Well be that as it may, I'm very tired and not sure that I can exert myself this early.”

Alex threw his head back and laughed. Robbie knew he was about to make a comment about how he did most of the work anyway, but Robbie cut him off by mouthing Alex's exposed throat. The words trailed off into a whimper as Robbie moved to Alex's ear.

Alex set his knees firmly behind Robbie's hips in the chair, and began to wrest the other’s composure. Robbie pulled him close as he felt the warmth enveloping his erection. Alex started slowly, making sure to stoke Robbie's need even as he delighted himself in the filling sensation. Robbie kissed him passionately, licking and nibbling every inch of skin his mouth could reach as his hands trailed his lover's sides. Alex began to move with greater intensity, breath hitching as Robbie's hips fell into the rhythm, rolling along with Alex's. The elf's hardness began to leave slick streaks where it was sandwiched between their bodies, sometimes catching and digging into Robbie's abdomen, but the tall man didn't mind.

Alex dragged Robbie's orgasm out slowly, even as he spilled across their bellies. Robbie could only hold him, foreheads pressed together as he whispered. “I love you.”

Feeling the trickle of fluid trailing down between them, he sighed deeply. “We should get a real bed.” He kissed his husband's ear before continuing. “Or at least start using sheets on the chair.”

“Robbie, at this point that chair is ruined regardless.” Alex laughed shamelessly.

“I guess everyone's too polite to complain about how it stinks of sex in here all the time.”

“It is pretty dank.” Alex agreed. “I think that means it's time for some spring cleaning.” Robbie groaned at the notion.

 

~

 

“And so there we were, there were like twenty fully armed soldiers...” Trixie spun a significantly more grand version of their desperate rescue mission.

“Two bodyguards and a rent a cop.” Stephanie corrected flatly.

“And Sportacus just like, jumped and flipped over them, using them as platforms to spring his leaps from.” Alex was hiding his face too embarrassed to admit to his failure, much less try to contradict Trixie's exaggerated boasts. “He was carrying Ziggy like a sack of potatoes and Dawn clung to him like a vine as he fought his way out of the scuffle, like one of those cartoons where all the dust is rising up and all you see are fists and kicks!”

“How did you get shot Trixie?”

“That's the best part, you see, they had a sniper on the rooftops and no one noticed the laser sight but me, so I heroically leaped in front of Sportacus, screaming 'take me instead!’ I went down for the count but as more bullets shredded me into ground beef, Robbie appeared in a burst of smoke, and then he used his magic to take all the guns away from the bad guys, and like Force pushed them back through the glass windows of the lobby. The car was so full of bullet holes we didn't know if it would even make it to Stingy's and then they started chasing us, with motorcycles, and a tank!

“Alex was like Ryan Gosling in Drive and Stephanie was crying over me, praying that God would let me live, promising her undying love for me-”

“That sounds about right.” Someone piped up.

“And poor Dawn had fainted like a wilting flower from all the excitement. I was trying to stitch my own wounds closed and...”

“Oh man, I just realized.” Robbie laughed, turning to the alleged wilting flower who'd been the most cool and collected member of the group. “When your dad hears about how much danger you were in he's going to be pissed.”

“It's okay, I'll protect you from his wrath.” Dawn giggled.

Ziggy woke up later in the day, still disoriented, still malnourished and starving, but did not seem to be a mindless zombie. He was still sick and required very small regular meals, half of which came back up if he so much as ate too quickly. They had the most luck by serving him broth. It would likely take weeks, if not months for him to recover from the ordeal.

“This is going to be a terrible international disaster when this is all over.” The Mayor worried.

“But it will be over, I'm sure of it Milford.” Bessie said.

Overhearing the conversation, Robbie strolled over and suggested. “I think that we could use another celebration, now that we heroes have returned with a successful rescue of our friends.” Then with a conspiratal glance whispered. “And it would be a great opportunity for a couple to get engaged.” He winked and strolled off with a spring in his long legs.

 

~

 

Isan cocked his head as he entered the room. “I hear the bath running... And I'm guessing that you got an aquarium bubbler?”

“Naturally.” Glanni replied. He was what could generously called dressed in a sheer, silken robe he hadn't bothered to close.

Isan tried to remain impassive, but his nostrils flared as he took a deep breath and his gills flexed. “You don't waste a lot of time.”

“I'm usually pretty eager to get what I want.” Glanni dropped his robe as well as any pretense as he sauntered into the steamy bathroom.

Isan chuckled and followed, shedding his clothing as quickly as he could. There was only a few inches of water as Glanni sprawled, settling himself in the large tub under the flow of hot water, lazily stroking himself as it lapped at his thighs. Isan inhaled, hesitantly dipping a toe in. He hissed at the heat but gradually climbed in to kneel at Glanni's feet, laboriously teasing his mouth over his partner's body. Once the water level had reached a bit over six inches, Isan dipped his face into the water and threw his head back, water droplets spattering from his long hair and pouring rivulets through his gills.

“That shouldn't be as hot as it is.” Glanni pouted.

Isan chuckled. “We both know we're into the weird shit.”

“Still.” Glanni groaned, reaching out to touch Isan's chest. They leaned forward to kiss roughly, before chasing each other's necks and setting out to leave their marks, hands carelessly roving.

They were splashing water all over the bathroom before Isan was able to finally submerge himself to use his gills freely.

“How's the water? Enough oxygen for you?” Glanni teased.

Isan lifted his head and let the water pour out the slits in his neck. “I'm a little light headed, but I don't think that's a problem for either of us.” From any other person his laughter would be called a giggle as he ducked back under the surface. Glanni really appreciated Isan's fellating skills, not only was the unique sensation of his mer derived anatomy a novel experience, the man was just his personal preference of rough and hungry in his technique. All too soon Glanni found himself thrusting feverishly as he lost himself to a blissed out haze.

His job completed, Isan leaned back and pumped water through his gills. Glanni watched as the water breather recovered and then he decided to lean forward to tease the other man’s half aroused state to full attention. Isan's head came out of the water to watch, taking a moment to shift back to air breathing.

“I think I want you to fuck my ass.” Glanni offered with a pout, looking at Isan through wet lashes. The elf grinned, teeth on full display as he leaned forward to nip at the other man, quietly moved to notice that he'd managed to make the cynical Glanni blush.

“Water’s a terrible lube though.” Isan muttered into his neck, his hands gripping onto Glanni's hips as he stood. Despite everything the thin man still loved these feats of strength from his partners to pick him up and carry him as if he weighed nothing.

Isan was as thick and hot and filling as Glanni had expected, but the man was also a great deal gentler, slow and tender. Glanni whimpered, the style more the nature of making love than the fucking he'd requested, expected. “I like to take my time.” Isan explained calmly. “You know that.”

“You're a filthy tease.” Glanni squeaked, legs wrapped tightly around the other man’s waist, uselessly attempting to goad a faster pace. Isan was endlessly patient and seemed to slow the more Glanni begged. Eventually he gave in and accepted the situation, savoring the experience in a way he wasn't sure he ever had. Unwanted tears filled his eyes so he squeezed them shut, his sobbing moans emerging hoarsely as Isan’s deep purr vibrated through them. Isan was so steady Glanni couldn’t tell how close the other man was to completion, and only managed a needy whine to indicate his own closing in.

“Shhhh.” Isan whispered. Glanni could not, moaning as he felt the pulsing inside him as he flooded between them. “Great things come to those who wait.” He purred, settling onto his partner.

“You’re so good to me.” Glanni squeaked. “Why?”

“It’s what I do.”

“Why me though, I’m the worst.” The criminal choked, angry but unable to stop the tears.

“You’re far from the worst, love.” Isan as always was steady.

“Do you trust me.” Glanni croaked.

“Yes.”

“You really shouldn’t.” Glanni gasped.

A sword emerged through Isan’s chest, his off color blood staining the metal. He wheezed, gills flexing uselessly, as the steel threw him back against the wall with a sickening crack. Íþróttaálfurinn sneered. “Really, this is your toy?”

“What can I say, I have a type.” Glanni shrugged, knees pulled up to his chest.

“You really thought you could keep secrets from me? I own you. I could tell as soon as you started fucking around. Disgusting, just whoring yourself out to anyone who would use you.” Íþróttaálfurinn lifted Glanni by the jaw, squeezing at his mouth. “I don’t know why I even keep you around anymore, I can’t even enjoy myself knowing how much you love to be debased. A filthy gutter whore is all you’ve ever been. A coward who can’t even fight back, not even for himself, much less anything as noble as a cause.” He tossed Glanni against the headboard and turned to where Isan lay choking on the carpet. “What token should we send to your other little friends to give them the news? Fingers? Ears? Toes? Maybe his nose? I’d say his dick, but I doubt anyone else cares about that little thing. I doubt you could even feel it.”

Glanni said nothing, trying to focus and center himself. A backhanded blow threw him to the ground. “You speak when I ask you something, pet.”

“His gills.”

“Great idea, very unmistakable, very vital too... I suppose I do keep you around for a reason. You are just so clever sometimes, just not as much as you like to think you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should just start killing a character for each chapter that doesn't get commented on... I will become the most popular fic overnight!
> 
> (I'm kidding, most of the big plot details are already planned)


	26. Lines Drawn in the Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strap in, we're going for a ride.

It was unusual to see a parcel truck heading into Lazy Town since the bombardment, so a small committee had formed by the time the driver pulled to a stop near the warped but still standing billboard near the bunker. “I have a package here for: Sportacus and Robbie Rotten?” The box was a plain red, slightly cool to the touch.

“That's odd.” Alex noticed. “No return address.”

“Well let's open it.” Robbie shrugged.

Within the box was a Styrofoam cooler and they were further perplexed by what they could have been sent. Removing the lid revealed ice, and it was becoming a little difficult to continue unboxing while people crowded in for a peek. Sportacus tossed the loose ice out of the cooler and fished out a parcel wrapped in butcher paper. “That's odd, it feels like meat? Maybe a fish?”

“Well let's bring it inside to the kitchen then, don't want to drip blood everywhere.” Someone suggested sensibly. The crowd had thinned some by the time they lay the package on a cutting board.

After breaking the first seal, everyone recoiled at the suddenly overpowering odor of what smelled like rotten fish. Perplexed, wondering if this was some sort of strange delicacy, continued to unwrap it. He was incredibly confused as he held up two thick cuts of roughly textured fleshy bits, covered on one side with pale grey flesh. “They look like gills?”

Dawn made a horrified shriek, covering her mouth.

Alex set them down carefully, dread creeping up his neck.

Stephanie supported the shaking elf maiden who couldn't look away from the gory sight. After taking several sharp breaths she managed to pull her hair back and revealed much smaller but recognizable gills of her own.

“Hey there was a letter in the box between the carton and the...” The letter bearer paused, noticing the somber mood. Robbie strode over to take the paper.

“Stephanie, take Dawn out of here.” He commanded. Alex stood at the counter staring at his bloody hands.

Robbie glared at the paper, growling low in his throat. “Íþróttaálfurinn has declared war.”

 

They held a small memorial for Isan, burying his gills near the lake. Dawn sent a dove with a message to the Matron. She told the others. “I shouldn't have kept it a secret. I should have told them as soon as I knew... I wish I had let him know, that we, maybe could have spent more time together.” Stephanie soothed her. Alex and Robbie paid their respects but righteous fury simmered in both. They had thought that they'd seen Robbie angry before, but realized now that it was the difference between a cloud and a storm. Robbie was like thunder, and Alex was a blizzard.

The community dug in, evacuated the vulnerable and prayed for a miracle. In private moments of weakness Robbie would break and beg Alex to flee, sometimes even trying to instigate a fight about it. The hero remained cold, hardened like a glacier, just as slow as inevitable, a nigh unstoppable force, inexorably marching forward. Robbie's inner cowardice screamed for him to escape, but stronger still was his need to stay with his husband. Alex studied the spells Glanni had given them with single-minded determination, demanding Robbie's assistance when the minutiae surpassed his understanding and never stopping until he committed it to memory. His former restlessness had translated into a terrifyingly robotic series of fighting forms, weapons practice and exercises while he drilled. For the first time, people felt afraid of the once affable elf.

Robbie needed to keep his distance, overwhelmed by his own guilt, feeling that the change was his fault, that he had indeed succeeded in dragging the hero down. He didn't think that he'd actually improved himself in the process. Alex's coldness extended to their bond, a wall of ice between them as Robbie felt himself starting to fracture. Dread hung heavy in the air.

For the first time he really felt like the end of the world was inevitable. He'd never been optimistic about their odds, but he'd expected that survival was likely. Now he feared that death was the least terrible outcome.

Pixel threw himself into the work of new inventions and Robbie eventually joined him, whenever he could avoid tutoring his suddenly impassive husband. Pixel tried to be optimistic, explaining new defensive devices, his pet project being an antidote dispersal unit which would hopefully incapacitate Íþróttaálfurinn’s army. Their only hope was to defeat him in this last stand at Lazy Town, a suicide mission to destroy one legendary warrior and save the world. It sounded noble and brave, but it was merely desperation. No one was optimistic, the refugees who fled had only traces of ragged hope, those who remained only expected defeat.

 

So tense and tightly wound was the settlement that they very nearly shot down their own reinforcements. It was only Dawn at the last moment who shouted down the cannoneers. An Elven Airship arrived from the North, distinctly different from the stolen airship of Sportacus. The immense dirigible settled in a nearby field as Dawn ran to greet it. Alex and Robbie also attended the arrival, both grim, holding themselves aloof. Dawn embraced the Matron as soon as she appeared, both sobbing apologies for not telling sooner, and her adoptive parents joined the circle as well. Alex nodded at his paternal family, whereas his mother nearly knocked him down in an embrace.

“Hi mom.” He managed as she very nearly squeezed the air out of him.

“Now, don’t be so dour, your face will get stuck that way. Besides, we brought you gifts, cheer up a little!” Alex tried to force a smile but it was beyond brittle, and barely touched his lips, much less his eyes. His mother sighed and then turned to Robbie, giving him a similarly intense hug. “And you, my boy, aren’t looking much better. I know it’s hard to lose someone, and that the fight is scary, but it’s okay to be scared.” She held their hands in hers.

Alex’s father and surprisingly, the Archmage, both presented them with a chest. Alex’s face began to thaw as he took in the beautiful sky blue leather armor. Robbie found thick purple robes lined with a deep red.

“Mage armor.” The old wizard offered.

“I thought you didn’t want to give up your post at the Academy?” Robbie asked crookedly, trying to hide his giddy excitement to test the fit of his new clothes.

“Turns out that pensions just aren’t what they used to be.” Was the dry response.

Laughing, Robbie whirled with a flourish to don his new robes, admiring the intricacies of hidden pockets, different folds and fashions of tying. Alex had started crying, struggling to keep a lid on his emotions. Robbie strode over and pulled him close, then after brushing away his tears to kiss him, twirled him into a dip, donning his new armor. “You’re amazing.” Alex offered gently.

“Ah, yes, and the weapons!” 

Robbie was presented with a carved wooden scepter, and Alex was presented with an ancestral blade.

“I know you’re more comfortable with a staff, but you’re going to need an edge in this fight. There’s a shield if you would like as well.”

It was Pixel that sobered the Elven party. “Okay, but they have guns and bombs.”

~

Ziggy was torn between bouts of agitation and exhaustion, beginning to understand his situation but still fighting the residual effects of his poisoning. He wanted desperately to help his friends, but was just as likely to hinder them. He had never been so discouraged by his inability to do a thing. Sharing his sentiment was Trixie, trying to insist that she was fighting fit despite her continued anemia and prominent bullet wounds. Magical healing could speed recovery, but only rarely completely treat an injury or condition. Stephanie and Dawn had done their best, but needed to conserve their healing energy for the upcoming battle. Pixel managed to offer an alternative solution, giving them remote access to mounted turrets. Trixie accepted this with glee, but Ziggy was more listless.

~

Their first warning came in the form of a frazzled Stingy speeding into town in a bright yellow convertible, babbling about monsters and darkness. The humans were alarmed but unable to make sense of his dire warnings. 

All of an Elven background gasped.

“He’s called a Wild Hunt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been looking forward to writing The Wild Hunt since I first thought about writing this story.


	27. The Wild Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battlefield

It was fitting that the day dawned in darkness, black clouds covering the horizon. The rain poured as lightning cracked the sky. Complicating battle preparations was the threat of flooding in the subterranean base. The elven contingent had taken troops into the woods, many of the townsfolk shored up the traps and defensive positions in the ruins. The refugee camp was merely over the next hill. Everyone knew that there were no second chances, there could be no retreat, like the first bombardment the bunker was the last refuge, already assembled into a field hospital, waiting for the inevitable flood of casualties.

 

The clouds closed off the sky, blocking out the sun as eerie howls and shrieks became audible, growing steadily in intensity. As deeper growls and roars rumbled through the earth, what could only be described as the forces of Hell appeared in the distance.

 

The final briefing concluded.

 

“We have only one objective. Find Glanni Glæpur and get Alex and Robbie to him.” Alex’s father lead the troop movements, the most experienced combat veteran of the small army. “Many of us will die today. If any of you think that you will be throwing your life away for nothing, leave now, hurry to defend the refugees. We will fight and die as heroes, if we fail, we are all doomed. Avalon turned its back on this threat, more concerned with maintaining their own isolation than survival.

 

“We will be facing the worst blights of the Unseelie forces, involuntary slaves who fight against their own will, monsters both of magic and technology. You will see and hear things your minds cannot comprehend, terror will flood you, illusions will distract you. It has been said that in war you do not fight for any cause but the soldier beside you, and you will need to hold that philosophy to heart. Take care of each other, and do not be swayed by falsehoods. May the Gods favor us, and for those who fall, may you rest in peace.”

 

He stepped down as the final muster dispersed. Robbie was nauseous with anxiety and Alex wasn’t faring much better, but they were determined to see this to its end.

 

“Are we sure this will work?” Asked one of the advisors.

 

“No, but it’s all we have.” Robbie admitted.

 

“Can we trust Glæpur? He as good as killed your friend.” Alex's dad asked with concern.

 

“Isan knew the risks. It was him who insisted that we go through with this.” Alex insisted.

 

“Trust is irrelevant, it’s all we have.” Robbie sighed.

 

“I can unbind him. I know the spells I need to cast.” Alex confirmed.

 

“If Glæpur dies I might be able to unravel his spells in his stead.” Robbie added.

 

“The real threat is Íþróttaálfurinn. He needs to be engaged in combat at all times. Do not let him a moment of rest. He’s vain and seeks glory, he will not hide.” Alex warned.

 

The base rattled as the first rounds of cannon fire opened on flying bombers. “Do we have enough artillery?” Robbie asked cautiously.

 

“No. It should only last a few hours, we have no idea what kind of resources they have in reserve.” Pixel admitted. “But I will be doing everything I can to find the answers to those questions.” Robbie clasped him on the shoulder in a show of confidence.

 

Pixel’s extensive electronic surveillance systems gave them a front row seat as the first ranks of combat closed in the ruined streets. It was a gruesome sight, inhuman creatures, ghastly and misshapen tearing through ranks of men like a shark through a school of fish. Screams and rending, worse the shambling figures of people neither dead nor alive fighting despite otherwise fatal injuries. The spectating was tense, but not wholly discouraging, whoops and cheers rattling the walls with the artillery bursts as their own forces conquered beasts, their traps incapacitating the attackers. Regardless the horde pushed on, clearing from the ruins of the town to the no man’s land between there and the bunker.

 

“There’s Íþróttaálfurinn.” Centered in the ranks, atop something which resembled some kind of nightmare, belching smoke and fire. He wore armor that itself looked like living flames, gleaming from the destruction around him. Two sword hilts crossed over his shoulders, giving his silhouette the look of curved horns. There were several long moments of tension as they stared, watching the first rush towards the enemy commander. Everyone was silent as they watched one of their forces nearly reach the target, when a thick blade split the body in twain.

 

“He’s got three swords?” Alex questioned.

 

“Overcompensating.” Robbie snorted.

 

“Is that Glæpur behind him?” A finger pointed.

 

“Interesting, he’s got him on the leash.” Alex noticed.

 

“Really? I would have expected him to use Glanni’s magic to its fullest.” Robbie was surprised.

 

“Do you know if the leash can be severed through conventional means?” Asked a soldier.

 

“No idea.” 

 

“Well, we can give it a shot.” Robbie guessed.

 

~

 

A second wave closed ranks, Íþróttaálfurinn’s charge slowing. Someone managed to kill his mount from under him, the explosion of his anger was immediate, manifesting as a fireball which knocked away his allies and enemies alike. There were rueful chuckles. “He’s not a good leader.”

 

“Where’d Glæpur go?” Someone else asked.

 

“Do you think the fireball got him?”

 

“I don’t think a fireball could.”

 

“I think Íþróttaálfurinn just noticed.”

 

The commentary quieted as the infuriated warrior started to slash through the ranks like a thresher harvesting wheat.

 

~

 

Some time later there was a commotion near the entrance, the crowd parted as a pair of soldiers dragged a limp skinny man between them. “Well, that’s a point in our favor.”

 

“You look like shit, Glanni.” Robbie checked before unclipping the sundered leash.

 

“Yeah well, it’s been a rough couple of days.” He groaned. “I hope I’m not late to the party.”

 

“Just in time.” Robbie cackled.

 

“Enough banter you have a job to do.” Alex's dad bid.

 

Alex put a hand on Glanni’s collar and started to recite. The troops moved around them, eventually they began to move with them, Alex still reciting, fingers gripping the leather as they side stepped with the marching.

 

Íþróttaálfurinn was coming.

 

~

 

Watching the flow of battle from the top of a nearby hill, it was clear how the strategy shifted, the ranks of defenders closing together, and moving towards fortifications. “It looks like they achieved their primary directive.” Noted one of the sentries.

 

“Doesn’t it seem like that was too easy.”

 

“No, look.” The enemy forces now surrounded the stronghold.

 

“The siege can’t hold.”

 

~

 

They hid and barricaded the door as best they could, Glanni wavered in and out of consciousness on the orange chair as Alex continued to sort through the enchantments. The small room was cramped with the most skilled and experienced of warriors, Robbie stood at the door, hands slick with sweat as he grasped the scepter, feeling powerless in the face of the clear and present danger surrounding them. His lover was straining, and Robbie lent him what strength he had.

 

Alex was maybe three quarters of the way through releasing the enchantments when the ceiling of the room caved in, followed soon after by the walls. He continued to chant, hand clenched around the leather as his guards started trying to clear the rubble. He couldn’t spare a chance to think of Robbie, although mercifully his presence remained steady.

 

Robbie could only watch as Íþróttaálfurinn swaggered towards them. “You’re not going to stab him in the back are you.” Robbie called snidely.

 

Íþróttaálfurinn grinned. “No, I’m not going to stop you.”

 

“What?” Robbie was caught off guard. Alex faltered for only a moment before continuing the incantations.

 

“You really think I wouldn’t have failsafes in place. When your precious hero finishes freeing my pet, they will both die.” Íþróttaálfurinn laughed gleefully.

 

“You’re bluffing.” Robbie snorted, quietly terrified he was not.

 

“I killed your friend... and I count somewhere in the near of, oh say about eighty soldiers on my way here? It’s hard to say really, they all just kind of blend together after awhile, especially when you can’t tell who’s parts are who’s.”

 

“Are you going to do your villain monologue?” Robbie goaded.

 

“Would you like me to?” Íþróttaálfurinn was nonplussed, sizing up the remaining guards standing between him and Alex.

 

“Well, we’ve got a few more minutes of recitation before the collar’s free.”

 

Íþróttaálfurinn laughed. “It’s cute, going through with it like that. So noble.”

 

A computerized voice announced. “Antidote Dispersal System Online.”

 

Íþróttaálfurinn didn’t look impressed as a shower of mist exploded across the battlefield.

 

“You really think that’s going to stop me?”

 

“No, but now you’re not as in control.” Robbie shrugged.

 

“If I really wanted to I could just make Glanni kill himself, or I can have him kill your little boyfriend, I’m sure he’s a clever boy who can find a knife in this mess.” Íþróttaálfurinn teased.

 

“Actually, I’m his husband.” Alex groaned, voice hoarse. Glanni was limp in the chair, collar gone, only a raw red line to show where it’d been.

 

“Disgusting.” 

 

Robbie didn’t have a chance to react as Íþróttaálfurinn lunged, stabbing his sword into Alex’s side.

 

“I really didn’t think you had it in you to kill, little baby Alex.” Íþróttaálfurinn mocked.

 

“I am Sportacus.” He responded, grabbing ahold of the hilt of the sword embedded in him, as he drew his own. Íþróttaálfurinn stepped back and drew the swords from his back. “Robbie, I need your help.”

 

“Too bad.” A wave of Íþróttaálfurinn’s hand sent the mage into what remained of a wall.

 

While the opposing reflections faced off, the rest of the battlefield was chaos, every living creature struggling to survive as the spells restraining them lifted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned for the confrontation to begin next chapter, but for all that I was amped for writing this I couldn't pull out as much description as I wanted to, maybe one day when I repackage this story as an original urban fantasy novel.


	28. The Final Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All things must come to an end.

Red and blue streaks clashed, illuminated erratically by lighting strikes and the sparks that flew as their blade connected. All who could see it were awestruck by the feats of athleticism, skill and fury. It was almost a dance as they leapt across the battlefield, indeed the two played their parts delicately, testing one another. Íþróttaálfurinn’s blows were heavy, but Sportacus was light on his feet.

On occasion one or the other could land a blow, usually infused with magic, and knock the other flying, but just as quickly he would be on his feet to strike again. It did not go unnoticed to the aid workers that Sportacus had led his foe away from the ruined base, and they quickly began to search through the rubble for survivors.

Any surviving combatants covered the healers, fighting desperately against a hoarde of wild beasts, nightmare creatures and mindless corpses freed from bondage, slaves only to their hunger. Most of the Unseelie forces had fled upon losing control of their pawns, and a few brave commandos worked to commandeer the equipment left behind by the enemy.

“They're still alive!” A healer called from where Íþróttaálfurinn had first squared off with Sportacus. None of the injured were conscious and some grievously injured, but even Glanni was found with a weak pulse.

“He's heavier than he looks.” Grunted a volunteer pulling the long limbed man from the still bright orange chair. A second man helped to lift him as Robbie and the others were also carried to the new makeshift aid station.

Sportacus’ arm was growing heavy swinging Íþróttaálfurinn’s massive blade in his off hand, using it more as a shield than a striking weapon. The wound in his side burned, but it helped focus the tired haze of his mind. He kept his own blade quick, trying to pick at Íþróttaálfurinn’s defenses, the twin blades more graceful than the great sword.

The buzzing of his mind kept him from thinking about anything but the fight, eyes scanning the terrain through his peripheral vision while keeping his enemy in focus. He began to measure his blows with more deliberation, wearing down as they fought to take higher ground, trying not to get swept away by the carnage surrounding them.

Most of the other aggressors avoided them instinctively, but the battlefield zombies were drawn by the sounds of their clash, the smell of their living blood. Both warriors were hindered with the task of smashing or cleaving heads while avoiding opportunistic attacks from their foe.

Íþróttaálfurinn was losing every shred of patience, knowing that he should have won by now, that the blue elf should have fallen. “Why won't you die?!” He snarled. “You're weak! I beat you without effort before, you can't have gotten good enough to face me so quickly. What did you do?”

Sportacus didn't respond, focused on the fight, panting raggedly as he felt the dampness of sweat and blood running together.

“Your friends are dead and dying, you're all alone!”

It was then that Sportacus’ face changed, breaking into a grin that looked more at home on other faces. “No Íþróttaálfurinn, you are alone.” He leapt forward and flattened the other man on the ground, feeling one of the slender blades puncture his chest as he held Íþróttaálfurinn’s own bloodstained sword to his throat. Sportacus' eyes were flickering shades of blue and grey, pupils changing shape with each breath.

“What did you do?” Íþróttaálfurinn swore again.

“You should have killed me when you had the chance.”

Íþróttaálfurinn wasn't sure who was speaking to him through that statement, but he felt the pressure of the blade sinking into his windpipe. Íþróttaálfurinn grinned, finding peace in the fact that he could finally meet his end. There was a flash of blue and a sharp blow to his head turned everything black.

 

~

 

“They're down!” Someone shouted. A crew raced to the scene, fearful that the zombie threat would despoil the fallen hero before they could arrive. The twin warriors were laying side by side unconscious, Sportacus half red with his own blood, a sword still run through him as the other wound struggled to clot, and Íþróttaálfurinn beaten black and blue.

Both men were stripped of their armor, Íþróttaálfurinn bound with iron chains that would prevent him the use of magic. Sportacus’ wounds were field dressed and then the squad fled before the zombie crowd could converge and block them in. As it was their vehicle had to struggle across the uneven ground back to the backup battle station.

Sportacus was laid in a cot next to Robbie. Someone pushed their cots together and joined their hands. The healers recovered the wounded from both sides, keeping the invaders under guard and supervising only the most serious cases held in common areas. Íþróttaálfurinn was found to have no serious injuries beyond perhaps a few broken ribs, and was placed in a reinforced cell under lock and spell.

There was debate about what to do with Glanni, as he was still of unclear allegiance, but eventually he was left near Alex and Robbie, with an iron cuff securing him to his cot.

 

Pixel found himself to be one of the busiest people in the compound, trying to keep order of whatever mechanical systems, defensive weapons and resources they had left, being questioned at every turn. The Mayor volunteered to help run interference for him, and Bessie began to run interference. The Matron had at least managed her infirmary with strict order, but the demands she sent were starting to pile up.

“You need to learn how to delegate.” Someone informed him as he quickly calculated data on his wrist computer.

“Huh?” He looked up, blinking, and suddenly wondered when he had last slept.

“Delegation, finding people you can trust to do aspects of your job for you?” Milford explained. “Ms Busybody has managed to sort your most common areas of inquiry into a few categories, and has created a list of people she would suggest to take over those tasks in your stead so that you can focus on more important duties.”

“That sounds great! I feel like I need to reinvent the Remote Controlly 6000 at this rate.”

“Yes, well, here is the list.” Milford handed him the neat script. Pixel scanned it quickly making check marks at his selections and noting corrections and handing it back.

“Make it happen, my priority number one has got to be getting some shut eye before I collapse.”

Milford clapped him on the shoulder. “That's the spirit. At this rate it looks like I will have some competition for the Mayoral election, retirement does sound nice.”

 

~

 

Robbie was the first to stir, groggy, disoriented, body plagued with both real and phantom aches. He felt a warm hand near his own and grasped it like a lifeline. He opened his eyes to see his beautiful husband's face, smeared with dirt and blood, tense with pain and worry even in his slumber. Robbie reached out to pull him closer, moving his grip gently from shoulder to hip, avoiding the swath of bandages covering his torso. He started to purr as he cried, his mind trying to sort out the jumble of impressions echoing through his skull. Eventually he fell back asleep.

 

~

 

Pixel woke up to a feeling of relief in the form of a hot cup of coffee. Dawn offered it with a smile.

“I like the smell but it can be dangerous for elves.”

“Honestly it smells better than it tastes.” Pixel laughed before taking a sip. “Are things okay?”

“It's getting better.” She said with a shrug. “The biggest challenge right now is determining what can be saved. Some are advocating for killing every zombie, others insist that we should work to cure them all. Right now it is just a challenge trying to corral them and determine which are simply sick from the aftereffects of the illness and which, if any are fully turned.”

Pixel didn't have anything to offer for that and took a long drink of coffee before changing the subject. “So I heard that you're dating Stephanie and Trixie now?”

“I heard that you did too, although not at once so maybe it was less trouble.” Dawn replied slyly.

“I wouldn't say that. I don't think either of them has a setting that means less trouble.”

Dawn laughed. “They are a handful. I feel terrible to say it but I'm glad that I have been kept so busy with my duties.”

“So, why'd you come see me? Complaining about our girls with someone who knows?”

“Partially.” She admitted. “Officially I'm trying to requisition some extra supplies.”

“I'm not in charge of that anymore.”

She smiled, nose wrinkling cutely. “I know, I left the order already.”

“But seriously, why?”

“Stephanie mentioned that you were also asexual. I was wondering what it was like to deal with, with them.” She looked abashed. “I don't really know anything about courting.”

“Neither do I honestly.” Pixel laughed. “I liked the kissing and the cuddling, sometimes. But they are both just... Very needy, and I'm just... Not.”

Dawn heaved a sigh of relief. “I'm glad it's not just me.”

“I do miss them though” He admitted cautiously.

Dawn gave him a soft smile, putting her hand on his. “I think that they miss you too, but didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, did you know that I support polyamory and healthy relationships where people talk about their problems?


	29. A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boy I sure hope you love expositionary dialog.

The day was bright, the sky a clear blue and Stingy looked more than slightly mussed as he blindly tried to neaten his appearance, leaving Stephanie and Trixie's tent in the morning. He encountered Dawn and Pixel holding hands outside.

“Well that answers that question. We were going to see if the girls wanted to go visit Ziggy.” Pixel greeted.

“Sportacus isn't awake yet?” Stephanie asked, popping her head out of the tent flap.

“No, but Robbie has a few times and they're getting better. Or are at least stable. We can go see them after we see Ziggy, he hasn't been coping well with his recovery. He'll be glad to see all his friends.” Dawn replied, having been keeping notified.

Trixie insisted she didn't need any help, slapping away all the hands extended to her as she staggered along with them. “It's not like you two were trying to be gentle last night.”

Stephanie blushed but Stingy sniffed condescendingly. “I was distraught when I arrived.”

“So... What are we all now?” Pixel asked cautiously.

“Well, I think most of us are all open to being date mates. Stingy is solo poly and goes his own way...”

“All the date mates are mine.” He replied smugly.

“Steph and me are OTP girlfriends but we like our side pieces.”

“Trixie, don't call them that!”

“Well it's better than side hoes isn't it?”

“I think that we're just going to have to figure it out as we go along.” Dawn laughed.

 

~

 

Robbie woke up to swearing.

“Who the fuck locked me up with Iron? Haven't I been through the shitter enough for a lifetime!” Glanni demanded, rattling the arm strapped to the cot, bellowing loud enough for everyone to hear.

“You'll forgive us for not finding you totally trustworthy.Tell us what happened to Isan. His daughter deserves to know. She shouldn't have had to find out that way.” Robbie replied flatly.

A particularly vile stream of invectives flowed from his mouth, anger radiating off his thin body and Robbie wasn't sure how many languages he slipped through. “Take off the cuff and I can explain everything.”

Robbie wanted to protest, but something in the tone made him decide to remove the restraint against his better judgement.

“Finally.” Glanni grumbled, rubbing his wrist before standing up shakily, bracing himself on the bed as he put his feet on the floor.

Robbie could only stare as Glanni's shadow pooled out and solidified into the shape of a dead man.

“DAD?!”

Isan looked up, befuddled as Dawn crashed into him. He took an involuntary seat on the cot as the young elf shuddered, sobbing into his chest and gripping him painfully. He gently patted her hair and back, giving the others a hard stare.

Eventually she lifted her tear stained face and stammered. “You? I? Dead?”

“Hi dead, I'm dad.”

Dawn’s face widened and broke as she hit him in his shoulder as the man started laughing. “That's not funny! Why didn't you tell me? Why was it a secret?”

She kept yelling and hitting him until she settled down and started to cry in his lap again. He pet her hair, a small fond smile on his face. “Who told you?” He asked carefully, even as he fixed a blood curdling glare on the other people surrounding them.

“I found out for myself.” She mumbled. “I've known for a few years. I figured you were just waiting for the right opportunity to tell me.”

Isan sighed. “I'm sorry. I know your mother's here, go get her and we'll tell you about it.” Dawn nodded, still sniffling and then strode to where the Matron stood staring from the administrative section of the camp.

“Okay, now you two tell me what the fuck happened the last week.” Robbie demanded.

“Soul bonds.” Isan replied simply.

Glanni rolled his eyes. “You said yourself that they don't even understand the significance of their bond.”

Isan sighed. “Fine. The Seelie see it as some sacred romantic thing, it can happen spontaneously between two people in true love who open themselves wholly to one another, blah blah blah. Soul mates, one person dies and they die together or other some such nonsense. In the court I grew up in they were used as a tool, broken down into the most basic of elements, often used as a one way tie to control slaves. It's costly magic that degrades the subject with each successive breaking and forming of bonds.”

“Okay.”

“You and Alex have the complete spontaneous type soul bond. Íþróttaálfurinn had a very watered down version on me, as well as the victims of the poison spell.” Glanni added.

“I knew enough to see how to unravel Íþróttaálfurinn’s bonds immediately, but Glanni wasn't ready to escape because Íþróttaálfurinn would know the instant I broke his bonds. One of my other party tricks is to become incorporeal. I think it's a hellhound thing from some ways back in my pedigree. The hardest part is to maintain a corporeal form after leaving it. What helps is to merge into another corporeal form.

“I made the soul bond to alleviate some of Glanni's suffering, but he isn't as good an actor as he thinks. It was inevitable that Íþróttaálfurinn knew something was off, and so I offered myself up as a red herring. Not that dying is any fun, I still have ties to my corporeal forms until I relinquish them and I have been having to hold on to a rotting corpse until it was disposed of. I still experience sensations in the shell while it remains.”

 

“So while he was dealing with that I had to play along at being broken.” Glanni pouted. “Íþróttaálfurinn was desperately looking for ways to up the ante on using me while getting his jollies over his battle plans.”

“Disgusting. So what about the collar? Couldn't you have just undone it yourselves, without getting Alex involved?”

“Not while the leash was on. No magic, no brain.” Glanni scoffed.

“Okay but then, after that?”

“Alex had to keep up appearances while we filled him in on the situation. And so we could make another bond. It was easier because I was close enough to tag along on the existing ties between you two, and Isan came along with me.”

“So Íþróttaálfurinn was bluffing about the spell killing you and Alex.”

“Oh no, we died. I just had you as a backup body to reboot your husband and put Glanni on standby.” Isan replied glumly.

“When Alex asked for my help...”

“That was him, it let us pull you in too. Don't you remember? We all fought with him.”

“It's... Hazy.” Robbie admitted.

“Yeah, it was pretty chaotic.”

“Why isn't Íþróttaálfurinn dead?” Robbie asked finally. “I remember leaning on his throat with the sword.”

“That was me.” Coughed a weak voice behind him.

Robbie whirled. “You're awake!”

“Everyone is being noisy.” Alex mumbled, pulling the thin hospital pillow over his head. “It's too bright, this is worse than the hangover, is this what you feel like when the kids are playing?”

Robbie pet his unusually grumpy lover with a dopey grin.

“Alright, now that we're all awake, I'm cutting us out so we don't have to absorb any more of your sappiness.” Isan grumbled.

“Mmm, much quieter.” Alex hummed thoughtfully. Robbie started to purr and Alex joined him.

“Well, this has been fun and all but I have been playing the hero too long and there is a power vacuum with my name on it. Isan, I'll hit you up later.”

“I look forward to it.” Isan grinned. “I'm going to get roped into quality family time so I might need some guy time myself.”

Glanni blew him a kiss before snapping his fingers and vanishing.

“Are you guys really abusing a soul bond to make booty calls?” Robbie asked incredulously.

Isan laughed. “Of course. I look forward to serving a Lord of the Dark Court.”

“I shouldn't have let him go.”

“You couldn't have stopped him, none of us could. Even after he lifted the curse and fought Íþróttaálfurinn, only maybe the Archmage could stand up to him. Besides, you and I both know that he's a lesser evil, and I doubt he's looking forward to continuing the same conditions that created us. Would you?” Isan asked.

“No.” Robbie admitted.

“He's not responsible for what Íþróttaálfurinn made him do. He was a victim too, and he's the nearest thing to a brother you have.” Isan sighed. “Speaking of family matters.” The Matron returned with Dawn and on their way had allowed the Lazy Town kids through security.

Dawn sat between her birth parents, expectantly, as the other young adults ranged around the cot near Alex, who had wriggled around to put his head in Robbie's lap. He ran his fingers through his husband's hair and stroked his ears while they both purred contentedly.

“We met shortly after I arrived in Avalon. Shalafi Sang had found me on one of his vacations and tamed me like I was a wild dog he rescued from the pound. I still wasn't quite right in the head, and most of the other elves never saw me as anything other than a beast.”

“Does that make you Belle?” Trixie asked the Matron.

“Trixie that's rude.” Stephanie socked her softly on the shoulder.

“I don't understand the reference?”

“Beauty and the Beast is a fairy tale about a Prince who is cursed and turned into a monster, and a beautiful Princess breaks his curse with Love's True Kiss.” Stingy recited poetically, getting a few sarcastic snorts from his audience.

Isan and the Matron were sharing a wry look. “We have that fairy tale as well, but it was not quite like that with us.”

“She helped tame me, but uh... We really aren't the coupley type. So we kept our relationship a secret because it would have hurt her career. I was a jackass and forced her to choose herself rather than get dragged down by me.”

“You were unexpected but not unwanted.” The Matron stroked Dawn's hair. “As I told you, I was going to name you Joy.”

“I was the one who suggested Dawn. Since you and I met at Midnight.” Isan smiled at the Matron.

“We do care about each other, but we aren't really compatible together for long periods of time. We're... Selfish people, and don't like to be crowded. That's why we made sure that you would be raised by the kindest family we knew.” The Matron offered.

“Trust me, after a month around us you'll be glad to be rid of us.” Isan teased.

“I’ll still love you two anyway.” Dawn laughed, pulling them both into a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I didn't actually kill anyone.
> 
> Yet.
> 
> Also, I really didn't intend the OCS to ever show up again after Avalon.


	30. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be longer, include porn and not end on a cliffhanger.

The following month went smoother than expected. Dawn had not grown tired of spending time with her parents or any of her other new family members, having realized that family was more about who you chose. That said she certainly could tell when Isan and the Matron had spent too much time together. That Glanni had been sighted repeatedly probably had something to do with the peace as well.

She had a feeling that despite the terror, good things were to come of it. The dead were laid to rest and those that could be saved were recovering. There were certainly great struggles in other regions as the Smart Snack Sportscandy™ brand disappeared overnight and its users were admitted to hospitals or found functionally brain dead and violent. The Zombie scare had shaken up many people but it was quickly over and since the spell had been broken no new cases of the sickness could be repeated. The supplement gained collectors value as the zombie dust, but it was completely inert.

 

~

 

“Robbie.” Whined Alex, squirming as his husband delicately kissed the paper thin scars over his abdomen. He felt the soft breath of laughter over his belly, and then moaned as rough stubble brushed over it. “Stop, please.” He squeaked.

“Aww, but why would a villain give in when he's got his hero at his mercy.” Robbie chuckled.

“Are you saying that I'm going to have to fight to stop you?” He panted.

“You're still recovering. Wouldn't want to tear your wounds open.”

Alex laughed deviously. “I might want to bust something else open.”

“How vulgar.” Robbie said in a mock scandalized tone.

“Maybe I'm getting tired of being the hero.” Alex failed to make the threat sound like such, eyes sparkling as he sat up.

“Oh no am I going to get ravished?” Robbie was starting to giggle.

Alex made a growling noise and Robbie only laughed harder, standing up to pin his husband to the bed playfully to kiss him.

“Noo, my supervillainy career, foiled before it can begin by the power of adorable!”

“And by our adorable power combined we shall rule the universe!”

“My gods, we'll be unstoppable!”

 

~

 

Many of the elves would be returning to Avalon, only a few decided that they would rather stay in the human world. The most controversial traveler was Íþróttaálfurinn. Alex's not killing him on the battlefield left them with a conundrum, as opinion differed on what to do with him. Alex was adamant that no one else kill him, and while it was agreed he should answer for his crimes, he didn't want someone to be faced with the sentence he'd been charged with, even if the person in question had committed the crime. It was his father's assurance that the circumstances changed after public outcry from their own ordeal.

Even Glanni had made an actual appearance to request that he face justice in the Dark Court, but it was also public opinion that the outcome would be a question of a personal vendetta.

Most considered the argument ended there.

Íþróttaálfurinn sat listlessly on a cot bouncing a ball repetitively against a wall. He'd been unresponsive since his awakening, interacting mechanically to fulfill biological necessities. The ball was the only non-essential item he'd shown an interest in. For the first time in weeks, the ball stopped. Íþróttaálfurinn frowned at the shadow. “I thought I'd killed you”

“I got better.”

“Come to deliver me to Glanni? I heard tell that you're a torturer from the pit. Looking forward to breaking me in?”

“Do you know what a broken man is?” Isan asked.

Íþróttaálfurinn sneered. “I've broken men.”

“Only the body from my experience.” He smirked.

“What do you want? Here to turn me into a pet toy.”

“Funny thing you should say that.” Isan tossed the ball into the air before catching it in his hand. Íþróttaálfurinn only realized that his eyes had never left the ball as a heavy weight sunk in his gut. Isan rolled his hand to throw the ball off the wall above Íþróttaálfurinn’s head, and the would be conqueror stood before he noticed that the ball had never left the other elf’s hand. “I'm just curious what broke you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so psyched about having finished this, much less how quickly I have done so.
> 
> There will be at least two sequels in this series, much fluffier and domestic with soft references to this. They might have otherwise objectionable things in them, but I have no intentions to write more grimdark in this fandom. I have half a Fallout Equestria fanfiction written I should finish and upload.
> 
> There will be one more "chapter" of this story uploaded that'll just be a an example of errata, links to my influences and inspirations for this fic as well as anything people make for it.
> 
> Also I want you all to appreciate that I didn't include this in the text because I was too lazy to capitalize the first letter: ŕãŵŕ!!


End file.
